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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To reject nanny’s gift

178 replies

Likesicecream · 23/12/2022 18:20

our lovely nanny brought Xmas gifts for the kids today and one was a doll stroller for my DD, perfect gift for her

problem is my mum got her the same thing (different style), it’s wrapped and ready for Xmas. My mum is crazy about Xmas and wanted to get her this for a while. Obviously our nanny would realise what had happened when she saw that one after Xmas, and it seemed silly to have two of them, we don’t have tons of space - and I wanted DD to be excited when she got the one from my mum

so when the wrapping came off and nanny was about to take it out of the packaging, I quickly mentioned that my mum had got her one too

she said oh she’ll get her something else then, of course I said don’t worry about that, but we put the stroller aside to return (DD too young to realise what had happened and there was something else small for her that she was happy playing with)

I was apologetic about the whole thing and said thank you etc but felt really bad about it afterwards and DH said he wouldn’t have said anything

Was I BU to say something?

OP posts:
Whenwillitwork · 23/12/2022 19:53

Oh dear, time to send an apologetic text, I think … And def practise the happy and grateful face we tell older children to do should they (be fortunate enough to) receive a duplicate gift!!

Appleass · 23/12/2022 19:53

You were extremely rude and ungrateful, the poor Nanny !

AmyDudley · 23/12/2022 19:54

I think in the OP's defence she probably felt it would be obvious it was a duplicate present after Christmas when there were two in the house, and that was potentially more embarrassing. Sometimes we say things on the spur of the moment in a slight panic, it's hardly a major act of nastiness on OPs behalf.

Personally I have no problem at all with people telling me they have something already if I give a gift I'd far rather return and swap it for something else they want than give a redundant present. I wouldn't be offended in the slightest.

your nanny sounds very sweet and kind OP and obviously adores your children which is great. I highly doubt she will leave you over a duplicate Christmas gift for a toddler.

Toomanysleepycats · 23/12/2022 19:55

If you are feeling bad about it, just give something extra nice to the nanny to show how much you value her.

We cant get it right all the time. I’d rather know myself, but not everybody is the same.

PurpleFlower1983 · 23/12/2022 19:55

Yes you were rude. Your poor Nanny!

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 23/12/2022 19:57

maddiemookins16mum · 23/12/2022 18:39

YABU, as an ex Nanny I would have been very hurt. two wee kiddie pushchairs don’t take up much room. One could possibly have been kept in a car boot for when you/she go out.

I agree

Greenfairydust · 23/12/2022 20:01

You should have just gracefully taken the gift and then sort things out afterwards. You were rude to the poor woman.

steff13 · 23/12/2022 20:02

Goodness, I hope the nanny's feelings aren't hurt. I don't know why your daughter can't have two, but if not why can't you return the one your mother bought or donate it to charity or something? Personally I would rather explain to my mother about a duplicate gift and ask her to replace hers than to ask the nanny.

owdlass · 23/12/2022 20:07

No you weren't rude. I guess you said what you said in a friendly manner, just out of surprise really.. I think it's a mountain out of a molehill, and I shouldn't worry. Does it really matter in the long run that your child's carer bought the same thing your mum did, for your daughter? I don't think so. Don't sweat the small stuff.

Twillow · 23/12/2022 20:07

I think you did the right thing. Your nanny might have been a bit embarrassed to find out someone else had got her one and you'd then be in the equally awkward position of lying to say you didn't know. Now she can exchange it, hopefully, as she sounds lovely and will want to get something useful rather than clutter.

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 23/12/2022 20:08

You were rude. Your poor nanny was polite and I am sure she must've been hurt. A second stroller wouldn't have taken up much room ffs

Hereeverysaturdaynight · 23/12/2022 20:09

Rude and not gracious. You have a nanny who values your children enough to A, know what they want and B, get them a generous and thoughtful gift.

You surely put her back in her box!!!

MajesticWhine · 23/12/2022 20:12

I wouldn't have done that. I think YABU.

July70 · 23/12/2022 20:14

A gift is a gift and never look a gift horse in the mouth.

SophieJo · 23/12/2022 20:15

How thoughtless and rude of you. Sounds expensive as well. Hope you apologise to her.

Tessabelle74 · 23/12/2022 20:15

I think you were incredibly rude!

Goldpaw · 23/12/2022 20:15

Really rude, OP, to say this when the present was in the midst of being opened!

SaraBarca1 · 23/12/2022 20:17

That made me wince to read, that was such an ungracious response to someone kindly buying a gift for your child!

I would apologise, put it down to Christmas stress and maybe buy her some flowers etc, but it is too late to truly put right.

NameChagaiiiin · 23/12/2022 20:17

Why wouldn't you just say thank you. Let your child keep both, and send a few photos to your mum of her with the one she bought if she asks?

I've received so many shit, tacky and duplicate presents over the years. Never in a MILLION years would I say oh no thanks.

Clearly you weren't raised with manners. Very rude.

tillytown · 23/12/2022 20:17

Surely you would keep the gift from the person you saw all the time, and give the gift from the person you only see a couple of times a year away?

2023willbemyyear · 23/12/2022 20:19

At one point we had three different dolls' pushchairs, all different colours and sizes- all a different sleeping spot for different dolls.
For her birthday DD really wanted a doll's highchair and my aunt bought one for her. A few days before her nursery happened to be having a clearout and have her a bigger doll's highchair. İt's not a big deal, she has one in her room and one in the living room and different dolls get fed their dinner together.

millymae · 23/12/2022 20:20

I am obviously in the minority here but rather than thinking the OP was rude I would say she exercised common sense.
It is perfectly possible to decline a gift nicely and from what the OP has told us about the conversation she doesn’t come over as being either rude or entitled .
Perhaps I’m just thick skinned and don’t take offence easily, but if I was the nanny I’d be happy not to have wasted my hard earned money on a duplicate gift and pleased that my employer had given me the opportunity to get a refund. No child needs 2 pushchairs. I might feel a bit put out that it was me that would have to go through all the faff of returning it but that is as far as my annoyance would go.

redbigbananafeet · 23/12/2022 20:22

I agree it was rude of you. If your mum lives in another country why would she ever have to know there were two strollers?

Oher · 23/12/2022 20:22

Yabvu

It doesn’t matter if your DD has two strollers (one may get broken / lost soon anyway).

It does matter a great deal if you reject an xmas gift particularly such a thoughtful one.

ChristmasCwtch · 23/12/2022 20:22

That’s so rude of you. You could have kept one for inside and one for the garden/walk to the park.

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