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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Anyone just done with life at middle age

255 replies

HadEnoughNow1 · 23/12/2022 12:51

Anyone else feel in their forties feel they’ve just had enough of life? I feel it’s all such an effort for such a mediocre life. Constant drudgery and daily grind for the occasional joy such as holidays. If I was told tomorrow I only have 6 months to live I think I’d feel relieved.

OP posts:
forththeroast · 23/12/2022 12:55

Never felt that way. Might you be depressed?

Ponoka7 · 23/12/2022 12:57

Have you hit the peri menopause? Your feelings are usual during the menopause. We have hormone changes five years before our periods go haywire.

GCAcademic · 23/12/2022 12:57

Yes, I feel like this, I've assumed its a combination of peri-menopause and my joyless, all-consuming job with dickhead manager.

Summerhillsquare · 23/12/2022 12:58

That sounds rough OP. I've certainly had a difficult few years myself. Apparently happiness is a U shaped curve, so we're at the bottom of it mid life. But that does mean things get better.

BigFatLiar · 23/12/2022 13:00

Perhaps you should talk to someone. Even if life is a bit low you don't know what awaits.

Life in my 40s was a bit varied with two teen girls it could be amazing or exasperating, seldom dull.

jetadore · 23/12/2022 13:01

Yeh, I’ve felt like this since I was about 14 tbh.

Havetoast · 23/12/2022 13:07

Yes, I feel the same too. I have a very successful career, two wonderful, if slightly exasperating, teenage boys. But my relationship is not as I expected/hoped it would be and I have some health challenges. The balance is ok but I fully understand where the OP is coming from

Beastlycat · 23/12/2022 13:09

I think many in their 40 feel the same. Also coping with ageing

Original poster
HadEnoughNow1 · 23/12/2022 13:09

I’m on anti depressants but they don’t seem to be working. It’s frustrating as I’ve been on anti depressants before and they worked…but this time they are just making me extremely tired, lethargic and hungry (mirtazapine). Perhaps it is peri menopause. I don’t know…I’ve just had enough of the constant daily grind of work, household tasks etc This time of year is hard too as I don’t have kids so Xmas isn’t very exciting.

OP posts:
Jumbocoffee · 23/12/2022 13:10

I feel the same. I work and take care of my children with special needs and I’m so bored and fed up.

Gronkle · 23/12/2022 13:15

I'm 55 and have never felt like that. To think anyone can think like that and be told, "yeah, that's normal, just put up with it and get on" is so bad. Go to the doctor, get help. Make changes in your life, get rid of what makes you feel like this, take up a hobby or change your job. Do not just accept that this is it for you.

JesusWearsPrada · 23/12/2022 13:15

Yep, 45 and can relate to it all feeling pointless and unfulfilling. Though if I was told I only had 6 months I'd probably panic and think about all the things I haven't been able to do because of the drudgery and tedium. I bought a gratitude journal, focussing twice a day on the little things you're grateful for is helpful.

Ilovemycatalot · 23/12/2022 13:15

I get you OP and I don’t think you have to be depressed to feel this way because unless your one of the lucky few with a charmed life and money life is pretty shit and relentless for most. Go to work, pay bills and look forward all year to your one week holiday. It’s pretty shit.

Mezmer · 23/12/2022 13:17

I do feel like this though I take it as a sign that I’ve achieved everything that I want to achieve and so see it as somewhat liberating.

I do find I have had a renewed sense of life however since getting a new job. I have never had money and now I have some savings and a little bit of disposable income. As this is a novelty for me I find it is keeping me happy and amused as I am able to take my kids out for a meal occasionally without worrying about how to pay. And other things I haven’t been able to do.

when I get used to this. If one day the motivation of earning wears off which I suspect it will, I will literally feel I have nothing to live for. Apart from watching my family grow up and older. Which is of course a huge blessing but not if they start not wanting me around which they inevitably won’t.

saltofcelery · 23/12/2022 13:17

No, I bloody love it. Never felt more confident and healthy.

AceofPentacles · 23/12/2022 13:22

Yes I feel like this. On my 49th birthday this year I was asked how I felt and I said "one year closer to the freedom of death".

DS has additional needs and parenting is just a slog as he won't leave the house now, I have three jobs but no money, my needs always come last, also drudgery and life admin is depressing and relentless. You are not alone

Allmyarseandpeggymartin · 23/12/2022 13:26

Life is hard in your 40s, you might have demanding children, aging relatives, you’re more likely to have a senior role at work or be seen as more experienced and so more responsibility. Hormones are going crazy, plus you probably have achieved some of the major milestones in career/travel/relationships/babies - there is no wonder it all feels like an absolute slog.
No advice but solidarity op

AntsGoMarchingOneByOne · 23/12/2022 13:27

I'm not 40 yet, but I feel the same.
Life is constant drudgery with very little reward.
No, I'm not depressed, I'm just being realistic.

lollipoprainbow · 23/12/2022 13:28

Yes I'm a single mum to autistic dd so life is tricky. Also perimenopause seems to have hit, I feel so flat and angry all the time.

Sapphire387 · 23/12/2022 13:31

Sorry to hear so many of you are feeling this way. I firmly believe that life is about finding joy in the small and everyday moments. But please do seek help if you feel you need to.

I lost my first husband when he was in his forties. It's no age. Be careful what you wish for.

Sending love to you all.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 23/12/2022 13:32

I'm on 32 and I feel the same. I can't do this for another 36 years.

CampervanKween · 23/12/2022 13:34

… "Oh yeah, life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone"

I feel you OP. Maybe we need a Mumsnet party?

snowinthesticks · 23/12/2022 13:34

My forties were the best because I had my two children at 38 and 40 so it was like a whole new life.
My 60s though......

Choc0FingersNight8264 · 23/12/2022 13:35

I'm 50s
No never thought like this !
Menopause makes you feel different, but not in a giving up on life way

I have so many things that I want to do !

Start some new years resolutions, I make a list every year & try to do most things on the list

DomesticShortHair · 23/12/2022 13:37

HadEnoughNow1 · 23/12/2022 12:51

Anyone else feel in their forties feel they’ve just had enough of life? I feel it’s all such an effort for such a mediocre life. Constant drudgery and daily grind for the occasional joy such as holidays. If I was told tomorrow I only have 6 months to live I think I’d feel relieved.

Yep, exactly this. We get an annual health check through work. I don’t participate because I don’t want them to find anything until it’s too late to do about it.