To be envious of those with lots of children

[Noonesingsthischristmassong]

I’m talking four children really, or more if you’re very wealthy.
I’ve always loved kids but was never massively maternal. Dh and I then started trying for kids and it took 9 years and lots of losses. We now have an amazing Dd and frozen embryos, but I’m 44 so thinking it’s too late now anyway.
I adore Dd but am a person who likes/needs space and don’t get it and have found motherhood hard at times..my head says I’d be crazy to want lots of kids as it’s hard work and life is more stressful etc. But I often look at those with four or so kids and think how nice it would be, you’d never be lonely, a bustling, full house, four children with their different personalities, four times feeling that love of having a child. All your children around you in your old age.
I travelled lots when younger and had a great career, but sometimes wonder how different life would have been if I’d just put more importance on family and tried to conceive younger and maybe have a big family full of love.

It also hurts my heart to think of Dd just with us, no siblings,,

I would've loved more kids but my husband wasn't up for it, so we have stuck at 2.

I actually think it's when they're adults that having lots of siblings would be great. My husband and I don't have lots of siblings, but we have 20 aunts and uncles between us. I see their relationships and it is sad to think my kids won't have that.

you’d never be lonely, a bustling, full house

Alternatively, you'd never have any alone time, or a quiet, peaceful house!

If it makes you feel any better, I am one of a four child family and growing up was lovely in that we always had someone to play with etc but honestly it was stressful and made me only want a small (2 child family). Also felt we didn't get quite enough one to one attention etc so I try to make sure my own children get lots of one on one time.

Could you try for one more? Two is a beautiful number.

I think you are envious of something you probably would find very difficult in reality.

You value your space.
Having four kids isn't a way to gain that.

I am the youngest of 5 and I was very lonely. The 2 closest in age were boys and past a certain point we just didn’t gel. I was a very quiet child and they weren’t. I spent a lot of time on my own until I was old enough to go out on my own. We still don’t get on at all as I am very different to them.

@BMrs I think I’m probably too old now sadly

Envy wont help anyone.
Sorry for your losses.
You dont know if trying earlier. Would have resulted in more children or not.
But you have a real live child
What does your daughter need from you?
Positivity and love.
Regardless of siblings or not.
Try some therapy in the new year.
Celebrate your lovely family

Actually, you can be lonely with children, even if you have 4. They grow up and get their own lives, or move away ( as they should). Imagine the noise and mess and expense and stress of A levels and uni and jobs and MH and .....

Lots of people have kids in their late 40s. There's so many ivf groups with lots trying over 42 and even some in their 50s. If it's not something you want and can devote to then don't bother. Although it's more likely that those who do ivf and have children older are better parents.

It’s funny, I’ve never wanted a big family. I think maybe because everyone in our family has two children, and that’s what I wanted. DS and DD are very different, completely different personalities but get along well and I hope they always will. DH & I get on well with DB & SIL so I see my children doing that in their future.

I see busy Christmases, birthdays, family gatherings etc in our future with our DC and their partners. I look forward to that type of busy. But having multiple children was not the type of busy I wanted.

DH is an only child and says he would have loved a sibling, however he has loads of friends, is very sociable and friendly, and his friends all think very highly of him. So it hasn’t hampered him in any way!

Wish my dd wasn't an only either. She doesn't have a any cousins her age and struggles to make friends, she's a lonely little girl sadly.

I have 2 grown up DC and am really enjoying moving on with my life and doing stuff for me now: travel, study, meeting friends, clubs etc. Thank goodness I didn't have any more.

Where are you getting that from, that 50 year old women make good parents to newborns? 😂

I'm one of 4, parents one of 4 & 7 & I loved it. It's so much as dc, at parties & as you get older the support. I only have 2 though as I pregnancy makes me very ill & they are expensive!

Can see why 1 can make you feel a bit sad, but there are many positives and negatives to all family sizes, and the dynamics can be unpredictable. I have three and the way they fight with each other can be a bit depressing. The jealousy is hard to manage and their very differing abilities are a bit of a surprise and exceed my ability to make them all feel special and talented. And we don't have time to give them all attention.

My sister in law just had her fifth and it did make me rethink if we should try for another (I have two alive)

But that's because I want dd to have a sister but there is no guarantee of that!

@Dacadactyl Is there a reason why they couldn’t be 🤷🏻‍♀️

YANBU to feel that way, but I always come away from my friend's house who has 3, bloody glad I only have one!

I definitely think you need to have lots of money though! and family support nearby

@RewildingAmbridge 😅Is it the noise etc?

Is two the magic number?

I have 4 and there are many positives: bustle, fun, 4* the love as you say. BUT I personally find it hard to be a good mother to that many kids and could do with more peace. I’d say 2 or maybe 3 is better unless you’re an extrovert and great with kids :)

Personality unless rich and able to be a stay at home mum my opnion is it would be hell. I think its far from ideal with being older too. You would be exhusted, especially if you work too.

We have 4 children and I do absolutely feel incredibly lucky. It is also really full on and I currently get zero time to myself, and I mean zero. Our baby won't ever sleep till 11pm/ midnight (awake as I'm typing this) then it's straight into the night shift, which runs straight into the day shift 🤣 and repeat!

4 kids in 3 different schools/ nurseries is a fair amount to keep on top of plus we've all been ill for over 3 weeks now which I can tell you is NOT FUN. It has felt like endurance tests back to back at times tbh.

I love it overall and wouldn't change it, but if you like or need your own space I definitely wouldn't recommend it. I have a constantly revolving list in my head of things I want to do, but can't....

(The truth is for us we love it but it is also very intense, and I realise that we are extremely lucky to have had 4).