To be envious of those with lots of children

[Noonesingsthischristmassong]

I’m talking four children really, or more if you’re very wealthy.
I’ve always loved kids but was never massively maternal. Dh and I then started trying for kids and it took 9 years and lots of losses. We now have an amazing Dd and frozen embryos, but I’m 44 so thinking it’s too late now anyway.
I adore Dd but am a person who likes/needs space and don’t get it and have found motherhood hard at times..my head says I’d be crazy to want lots of kids as it’s hard work and life is more stressful etc. But I often look at those with four or so kids and think how nice it would be, you’d never be lonely, a bustling, full house, four children with their different personalities, four times feeling that love of having a child. All your children around you in your old age.
I travelled lots when younger and had a great career, but sometimes wonder how different life would have been if I’d just put more importance on family and tried to conceive younger and maybe have a big family full of love.

Hi there, I have one daughter but regret not having more. You have frozen embryos so why not consider at least one attempt? I didn’t try hard enough and really wish I had. You are not too old - just go for it - and good luck!

I think most people would agree only children aren't ideal, in the same way that sole parents aren't ideal

What a crock of shit

Christ do people still believe that??

An only child didn't work for me but it can be a wonderful thing if it does work for you, there's no reason why it shouldn't. There are loads of benefits to being "one and done".

Being a single parent is often hard but the main problems are financial. It can be incredibly rewarding as well. There is NOTHING morally corrupt about a single parent. It's just a lot of strain on one adult particularly if there is little/no support around them.

Like most things in life, there’s pros and cons to each, so whatever you do there will be some pros and some cons. Only child? Yippee, more parental attention, less chaos in the house and more resources. Big family? Yippee, lots of siblings, always a play mate around, hopefully a couple of ‘friend for life’ type bonds to come out of it. Either way as long as the parents are decent they’ll be absolutely fine.

I think most people would agree only children aren't ideal, in the same way that sole parents aren't ideal

Ideal for who, exactly?

I wanted 4 in my head but when I had the second I knew I was done. I sometimes wonder, what if? but like you i like my space. I'm not as patient as I thought I would be so I figure I have made the right decision and I'm sure you have. But it still ok to wonder what if

If I had a supportive partner, better physical and mental health and more money I'd love to have 3 kids! Unfortunately my physical health will never allow that to happen now even though I'm reasonably young. It just makes me feel even more grateful I was able to have DS when I did x

We have one kid. I don’t feel that way at all. I have friends with four or five & I don’t know how they do it... Our son plays with his cousin, so I can see how a sibling would be nice, when they’re together. But, no regrets / envy here.

I think there is this idea that women who are better mothers have lots of children, unless one has fertility issues.

Same here. Wanted 3 had three. But always thought of 5 as my limit. I do like a big busy house.

No more than 5 though. And we'll spaced out. I've never known a family of 6+ not to be neglected in some way.

@felulageller oof! You haven't met my kids!

It's always so emotive comparing big families to smaller ones as for every good experience someone has someone else has a bad one it's subjective. I have 4 children, I absolutely adore them, adore the chaos and love their very individual personalities but it can definitely be lonely, lots of judgment from people, lots of "you've got your hands full" comments and stares, plus expense, size of car, need for a big house and the running from activity to activity plus my washing machine seems to always be on. I have had "FFS why have we done this" moments when life is hard, but I wouldn't change it. I think it's easy to see through rose tinted glasses on both sides with numbers of children.

Just to note I would not change a thing they're amazing, loved, love one another but it is also lonely, I sacrifice things that I may like to do to make sure they get 1:1 time and I spend my life worrying I'm failing one/ all of them. The grass isn't always greener it's just different.

I'm the opposite lol. I look at those with four and thank goodness I don't have 4. The chaos, noise, mess and work- no thanks!

It's really worrying whenever people have children to fulfil their own needs - and granted, none of us are 100% immune. otherwise the human race would die out.

But to have children for you to not be lonely and be around you in your old age?

Nah, one is enough. Will give you time to sort your own shit before you project it at your child.

One of four myself. Growing up was ok. I'm never super close to them, just feel the burden of having to helping the others out one way or another or just less money from our parents. Each one of us in each different country so would be lucky to even meet once a year and it's totally fine for us all.
Now having one at 35 yo, and one and done by choice - mostly by choice (finance, health, mental wellbeing for us are just excuse tbh, having more than 1 kid isnt something in our priority). I just want to enjoy life to the fullest and wont need to deal with all the chaos for long. Also 0% desire to parenting more than one, there is no difference to me personally being a mum to more than 1 or just one. There are a lot of benefits with that - a lot of 1:1 time (outside of school hours), can solely focus on DS's education and future, and still can afford a bit of luxury of traveling and mortgage free for us.
We could have afford more than 2 kids if we want to, but none of us want that realistically.

I am the same op.
But yesterday we had a house full of family and friends and today it is just us 3. Dd said she likes the calmness of it today. It is what she is used to. I have thought so many times oh l wish she had a sibling, but the truth is, she is absolutely fine the way she is.

1800 births to mums over 50 in the last 20 years in the UK
www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/aug/21/becoming-mother-in-50s-number-births-soaring