Smug couples at Christmas

[Aquarius1234]

Why is it seen as superior to be in a long term relationship at Christmas?
Why do I feel side lined always being single at Christmas.
Yet other siblings get more attention and everything arranged around them just cos they are in a couple and or with young children.
Of course I don't have plans just cos I'm single...

I never felt that for the 12 years after my divorce. And I certainly don’t feel superior now I am in a long term relationship.

I think if you are single and childfree you are seen as being more flexible and having less responsibilities. Just say no to what you can't manage.

Do people not realise it can actually feel lonely at times being the single one. Yet I have to tow the line and not cause drama..

I think Ponoka has it. But yes, if you can't make it to something that's been arranged without consulting you, just don't go. Or be the one to do the organising?

Who on earth is making you feel like this?

single parents of 6 years and never felt like this

Think it’s you projecting. I never felt that.

I don't think I know anyone in a long term relationship that expects to take priority over a single person. I suppose family might be quite excited to see and have a chat with a long term partner of someone if they don't see or catch up with them very often? I'm just imagining a situation where a parent keeps in touch with their DC but obviously doesn't speak to the DPs very often. There is a slight novelty factor.

I can see why single people might be expected to work around young families where possible. I would happily do this for family members with young children if I were single.

I've been single and in a couple at Christmas time...I have no idea what you're on about to be honest.

How do you mean? You never felt slightly isolated when single? Or not loving the plans made?

Totally hear you @Aquarius1234

I took control and made my own plans. After one horrible Christmas when nobody included me in plans, I decided I was never going to depend on others again.

Its like I'm made to be the annoying one just cos I'm not in a couple.

OP, you're clearly thinking of something specific. What is it?

I didn’t
because my friends and family simply would t not ever behave like this.

who is making you feel like this??

You need to get new friends
and distance yourself from family that make you feel like this?!

So what did you do?

I'm like the scape goat. Everyone puts the stress on me. Or blames me.

Opposite here- made feel guilty all the time as I have people all around me year round and at Christmas people say ‘I shouldn’t have to be alone, we always did this as a family etc’ this from a number of relatives who we bend over backwards for so they get their traditions etc. in a way I agree, we’re a busy house so can do the together thing whenever and so I try my very best to accommodate people but am run ragged sometimes!!

My parents are control freaks.

As a single person you can decide where you are spending Christmas.

Though in my case I was told by children in my family where I was spending it. (I never got bath salts or whatever I got proper presents.) I then had 2 years free and had my own child.

Yeh it's horrible when othet relatives talk about their other plans and having fun, yet you know you won't be there anyway.

Um

your issue isn’t about being single

its about having what sounds like a very unpleasant family

two totally separate issues

If you're always as obtuse as you've been on this thread, you might be a difficult person to include.

Why don't you do what you want with who uou want.

Sorry but noone can "make" you feel a certain way without your permission. If you are confident in being single then it doesnt matter what anyone else thinks about it. Eg I know I'm not stupid, if someone calls me thick it wouldnt bother me one bit because I know I'm not, so I'd just laugh at it. Equally, when I was single I knew it was because I'd made a choice not to date until I met the right person so if someone treated me badly because of it, I'd just assume that was their issue and feel sad for them that had such a ridiculous, discriminatory world view.

Speak out- if you want to meet up for Christmas then tell people that. Be assertive and confident in expressing your needs/wants. I also think calling couples "smug" isnt very nice. Just because someone has met a person they love doesnt automatically make them "smug". Are some couples smug?- absolutely. Are some single people smug?- absolutely. Thats a personality trait that anyone can have, you dont suddenly become smug just because you meet someone and if you do, its highly likely you were smug already. By calling couples "smug" you are being just as negative and mean spirited as those treating you poorly.

Stephanie has nailed it. Sorry op but you sound hard work.