Smug couples at Christmas

[Aquarius1234]

Why is it seen as superior to be in a long term relationship at Christmas?
Why do I feel side lined always being single at Christmas.
Yet other siblings get more attention and everything arranged around them just cos they are in a couple and or with young children.
Of course I don't have plans just cos I'm single...

Sorry but this thread is amusing. It's like those stompy tantrummy cryptic Facebook statuses for the "I'll PM you hun" comments.

I was single for nearly 10 years and didn’t feel like this but I do whatever I want at Christmas. Some years I worked, some I volunteered, some I spent with friends. Why don’t you take yourself abroad over Christmas? That’s my plan next year (solo trip to Bali) even though I now have a bf!

Swap? You can wrangle my kids, my husband, my in laws, my mum and everyone else, cook dinner, spend hundreds of pounds on gifts, plan everything etc.

If I was single at Christmas I’d get a nice takeaway, stay in my pyjamas and watch Christmas films all day.

or I’d invite my family over and cool a nice dinner.

or I’d visit family and have dinner cooked for me.

i don’t really see what you have to moan about tbh!

But why? Why I am more worthy of respect now I am a widow than I was last year when DH was still alive but at home on end of life care? I am still the same person I was when I was married.

AH right yeh see what you mean.

I've been single and not single at Christmas at various points in my adult life. I can't say I've ever been made to feel differently by those around me based on my relationship status nor have I treated anyone differently based on theirs.

Either you need to be more specific with what it is that your family are doing to make you feel like this, or (I suspect) you are not happy being single and are projecting this onto others.

It sure does!

I used to love getting the tv guide and working out what I was going to watch.
Since netflix and I player its not the same.

and seeing old friends, but I dont have any friends.

What @LolaMoon and @StephanieSuperpowers said.

I had several single Christmas' and was never made to feel this way.

I respect single people at Christmas way more than those in LTR.

Then it sounds like it's you who are judging people according to their relationship status! Why on earth would someone automatically be due more respect for being single (or for not being single)?!

It's very difficult to get to the bottom of what's actually bothering you, as you haven't given any real examples or evidence of people treating you badly, or why you think it's related yo you being single. Tbh it just sounds like you have massive resentment of your family/friends, and particularly at Christmas for some reason.

Op

how old are you?
have YOU ever been in a relationship?

I’ve found Christmas and almost all family events a million times easier since I got married and had dc. It’s much easier to opt out, or adjust things to be more manageable.

When you’re single, if you want to step back or not stay the full time, etc it’s perceived as you being awkward or a social misfit. Leave early because your partner has something on, or the dc are sleepy, and you are the epitome of pro social responsibility.

I suspect I’m not the only stressed, over burdened parent that secretly wishes they could be single and feck off quietly for a lovely Christmas all by myself.

Being in a relationship wouldn't change this.

OP it sounds like everything feels gloomy for you right now. Do you have anyone in real life you could reach out to?

Oh right, yeh why did you ask that?
I am mid 30s, have been in relationships but not lived with anyone. Or been near that stage.

Are you a generally negative, pessimistic, self-pitying type of person? Its difficult to maintain friendships with people like this.

Or have your friends just moved on to different chapters in their lives? This is fine too. Maybe you need to start pursuing any interests or hobbies that you have. It might open up doors to friendships with people who have similar interests.

Maybe do some volunteering, it could bring you into contact with a variety of people who may also be looking for friendships or company.

Only family, or maybe talking to a medical professional about a personal issue that affects my confidence and is prob a large reason why I am single.
I can manage platonic friends but never relationships.

"@Aquarius1234 Do people not realise it can actually feel lonely at times being the single one. Yet I have to tow the line and not cause drama.."

You say single , i say free to do as you please with opportunities awaiting. Tow your own line.

"Its like I'm made to be the annoying one just cos I'm not in a couple".

You are the one who is free persue any relationship or not, whatever and whenever you chose. You are the one free to choose whatever ever path you want. Sounds like they all want you tied down and rut like , as they are. As you were OP!

Because relevant.

and you longing for the good ol days before Netflix and iplayer had me wondering.

when you were in a relationship, were you happy? Long term? Ended before anything serious?

I thought most people had issues these days? I am nice enough.

Do you work? Have colleagues?

Do you have one single friend?

Ha I have not been sleeping well recently, any tips would be good?
Best sleep this year was when I started reading or doing a craft (I love scratch art and embroidery) instead of looking at screens at night, ignored mn and facebook for a while, started doing the pampery shower etc. just started looking after myself really. People said to me about the calm and mind app but I haven’t yet!

I don’t know if you mean to but you’re coming across quite hard work. Maybe some counselling? You don’t sound happy in your own skin.

It might be a good idea to reach out to a trusted family member to explain how you're feeling and what support you need from them.

People are busy with their own lives, and assume others are busy with theirs, especially at this time of year. It's quite possible that your family have no idea how you are feeling, or how little things might have a big impact on you (positive or negative).