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Original poster

Smug couples at Christmas

300 replies

Aquarius1234 · 21/12/2022 14:10

Why is it seen as superior to be in a long term relationship at Christmas?
Why do I feel side lined always being single at Christmas.
Yet other siblings get more attention and everything arranged around them just cos they are in a couple and or with young children.
Of course I don't have plans just cos I'm single...

OP posts:
Original poster
Aquarius1234 · 23/12/2022 00:21

I fins it upsetting when people stop making the effort. That's life tho.

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 23/12/2022 00:23

So is this actually happening or one of those 'I need to feel judged' things?

Cas112 · 23/12/2022 01:23

I was single for 8 years and never once felt like that. I think that's you projecting your own issues

JockTamsonsBairns · 23/12/2022 03:37

Aquarius1234 · 23/12/2022 00:21

I fins it upsetting when people stop making the effort. That's life tho.

Who has stopped making the effort with you? Is it related to the exchange of presents?

You do sound fairly miserable and dissatisfied with your life, and I do feel for you. Pp is right though, it really is down to you to make some changes so things can be different for next year.

chevvyroo · 23/12/2022 08:08

Just stay at home at Christmas? You don't have to go to your family. Sounds like everyone will be happier this way.

FilthyforFirth · 23/12/2022 08:12

You didnt answer ny question. Is everyone that is in a couple smug??

luxxlisbon · 23/12/2022 08:57

Aquarius1234 · 22/12/2022 23:32

Horrible evening- Xmas Shopping, smug couples, Supermarkets smug couples, Train Stations- smug couples.
I felt isolated and I got stuck and delayed middle of nowhere phone died and no watch.

So couples just existing is what makes them smug and upsets you? Because there is no way couples out and about, in the supermarket and on the train were actually snug and patronising to you.

WaddleAway · 23/12/2022 09:27

Aquarius1234 · 22/12/2022 23:32

Horrible evening- Xmas Shopping, smug couples, Supermarkets smug couples, Train Stations- smug couples.
I felt isolated and I got stuck and delayed middle of nowhere phone died and no watch.

What did they do that made them smug?

MardyMincepie · 23/12/2022 09:43

I remember being single and just using that time to do as much as possible when I wanted without any worrying or hinderance because I didn’t have to consider another person.

Comedycook · 23/12/2022 09:52

Horrible evening- Xmas Shopping, smug couples, Supermarkets smug couples, Train Stations- smug couples

To be honest, I think when we're feeling low we see what we want to see. So someone experiencing infertility might notice all the mums and babies when they're out. Someone who has just lost a granddad might notice all the elderly men. In your case, as you're single, you noticed the couples. Anyway, I hope you feel better soon, loneliness is a horrible feeling

Worldwide2 · 23/12/2022 11:28

No way did you see smug couples left right and centre. You saw happy couples and people are entitled to be happy. You sound like you have a lot of issues.

Ursuladevine · 23/12/2022 11:34

Aquarius1234 · 23/12/2022 00:21

I fins it upsetting when people stop making the effort. That's life tho.

Your life.

Not mine.

and I suspect you have a great deal to do with fact that people don’t seem to “make an effort”

Veryxonfused · 23/12/2022 11:48

They aren’t smug, they just seem smug to you. And I get it. When I was TTC, pregnant people seemed ‘smug’ to me. Now I’m pregnant and my friend is struggling and I hate mentioning my pregnancy in front of her because I know she feels the same, we’ve talked about it.

The difference is we both have the self awareness to realise it is/was our problem, not anyone else’s. It’s jealousy, and your posts make it very obvious that it is.

Original poster
Aquarius1234 · 23/12/2022 12:21

JockTamsonsBairns · 23/12/2022 03:37

Who has stopped making the effort with you? Is it related to the exchange of presents?

You do sound fairly miserable and dissatisfied with your life, and I do feel for you. Pp is right though, it really is down to you to make some changes so things can be different for next year.

Show quote history

No nothing to do with presents.
Individual friends that come and go, you invest time like a relationship.
Not all couples are smug but some give off that vibe.
Also those that talk about their family and distance family plans as tho, their going to have a better time than me. Erm why are you assuming my Xmas will be boring or stressful 🤔

OP posts:
BadNomad · 23/12/2022 12:29

Also those that talk about their family and distance family plans as tho, their going to have a better time than me.

Why do you take this so personally? Is it jealousy? I really doubt these people are thinking about you when they're talking about their family plans. People are just getting on with their lives. It has nothing to do with you. No one is being smug.

WaddleAway · 23/12/2022 12:37

Aquarius1234 · 23/12/2022 12:21

No nothing to do with presents.
Individual friends that come and go, you invest time like a relationship.
Not all couples are smug but some give off that vibe.
Also those that talk about their family and distance family plans as tho, their going to have a better time than me. Erm why are you assuming my Xmas will be boring or stressful 🤔

Show quote history

But who is assuming your Christmas is going to be boring or stressful? Who has said that? Honestly this is as clear as mud.

WaddleAway · 23/12/2022 12:38

Comedycook · 23/12/2022 09:52

Horrible evening- Xmas Shopping, smug couples, Supermarkets smug couples, Train Stations- smug couples

To be honest, I think when we're feeling low we see what we want to see. So someone experiencing infertility might notice all the mums and babies when they're out. Someone who has just lost a granddad might notice all the elderly men. In your case, as you're single, you noticed the couples. Anyway, I hope you feel better soon, loneliness is a horrible feeling

This is true. I have a disabled child, and my eyes are automatically drawn to children the same age as him when we’re out and about. I don’t think they or their parents are smug for not being disabled though.

Cuppasoupmonster · 23/12/2022 12:43

Well I’m NC with both parents (a mumsnet cliche!), and do get a bit of a pang when people say they’re ‘going round Mums for Christmas dinner as usual’ or I see happy family photos of them with their parents. But that’s my issue, not theirs - it is what it is, and me whinging about other people’s fortune doesn’t increase my own.

Original poster
Aquarius1234 · 23/12/2022 12:50

WaddleAway · 23/12/2022 12:37

But who is assuming your Christmas is going to be boring or stressful? Who has said that? Honestly this is as clear as mud.

Show quote history

Yeh I didn't explain that well.
I used to be envious of different family members not inviting my immediate family to theirs at Xmas as tho we would dampen the atmosphere or not be allowed in the so called party..
So left out for whatever reason. But actually it was probably a numbers game or some wanting alone time .
When your younger you occasionally think other people's houses at Xmas are better or more fun than your own families.

OP posts:
Original poster
Aquarius1234 · 23/12/2022 12:51

Cuppasoupmonster · 23/12/2022 12:43

Well I’m NC with both parents (a mumsnet cliche!), and do get a bit of a pang when people say they’re ‘going round Mums for Christmas dinner as usual’ or I see happy family photos of them with their parents. But that’s my issue, not theirs - it is what it is, and me whinging about other people’s fortune doesn’t increase my own.

NC?

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 23/12/2022 13:02

Also those that talk about their family and distance family plans as tho, their going to have a better time than me. Erm why are you assuming my Xmas will be boring or stressful
If this thread is anything to go by your Christmas is utterly miserable and you spend your time assuming you know what's in everyone's heads and think everyone is busy going about their festive season being super smug about being in a relationship.

AkoraEdelherb · 23/12/2022 13:11

When your younger you occasionally think other people's houses at Xmas are better or more fun than your own families.

Well yes, when you’re younger as in 7 years old. You’re presumably an adult, surely you don’t feel like that anymore? It really sounds as if you need professional
help OP. This is no way to live.

WaddleAway · 23/12/2022 13:14

Aquarius1234 · 23/12/2022 12:50

Yeh I didn't explain that well.
I used to be envious of different family members not inviting my immediate family to theirs at Xmas as tho we would dampen the atmosphere or not be allowed in the so called party..
So left out for whatever reason. But actually it was probably a numbers game or some wanting alone time .
When your younger you occasionally think other people's houses at Xmas are better or more fun than your own families.

Show quote history

We don’t have any extended family so never been anywhere except our own home with our immediate family at Christmas. We just embrace it for what it is, and at least we don’t have any of the dramas you read about on here!
Life is generally much nicer if you look on the bright side and don’t assume everyone is having more fun than you.

Original poster
Aquarius1234 · 24/12/2022 21:05

No idea why people put so much pressure on themselves at Xmas.
So many relationships break up this time of year!

OP posts:
Hawkins003 · 10/02/2023 17:29

Reading with intrigue

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