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Original poster

Smug couples at Christmas

300 replies

Aquarius1234 · 21/12/2022 14:10

Why is it seen as superior to be in a long term relationship at Christmas?
Why do I feel side lined always being single at Christmas.
Yet other siblings get more attention and everything arranged around them just cos they are in a couple and or with young children.
Of course I don't have plans just cos I'm single...

OP posts:
catcurl · 21/12/2022 14:39

Sorry OP but I think a lot of how you feel probably reflects your perception on things. If you are unhappy at being single, which is understandable, it's no wonder you are feeling negative about others being in relationships and feeling this is better.

When I was single, I loved Christmas- parties, disposable income for buying for myself/friends, freedom to go out and enjoy a drink at a moment's notice without a thought, time to properly relax over the holidays. I know these aren't the case for everyone.

Now I'm married with a child, I enjoy different aspects of Christmas. It is different, but not superior. And yes, I am very happy.

You don't have to have Christmas with your parents, you can make your own plans and enjoy the day how you wish, the best you can.

LlynTegid · 21/12/2022 14:44

The looking down on single people is not just at Christmas. In my opinion it helps create a climate where people end up starting or continuing bad relationships or worse.

DucklingDaisy · 21/12/2022 14:47

It's not clear from your posts what has happened. If you're annoyed because plans are being made around toddler nap times etc, and you feel like that's being prioritised above your planned TV schedule, you are being a bit unreasonable. One of those things is much easier to be flexible with than the other. If you feel like you're being left out, talked down to or otherwise treated with a lack of respect or care, that's not ok.

AkoraEdelherb · 21/12/2022 14:48

You have a family problem, not a being single problem.

I’m single, nobody’s ever blamed me for anything at Christmas, they don’t find me annoying, and I’m always included in some plans over the holidays, if not all.

Your family don’t sound very nice. I also can’t tell whether you’re a genuinely nice person to be around, or you always turn people’s attention back to the fact that you’re single. I don’t think I even mention it - or acknowledge there’s a different dynamic to couples - unless it specifically comes up.

Original poster
Aquarius1234 · 21/12/2022 14:51

catcurl · 21/12/2022 14:39

Sorry OP but I think a lot of how you feel probably reflects your perception on things. If you are unhappy at being single, which is understandable, it's no wonder you are feeling negative about others being in relationships and feeling this is better.

When I was single, I loved Christmas- parties, disposable income for buying for myself/friends, freedom to go out and enjoy a drink at a moment's notice without a thought, time to properly relax over the holidays. I know these aren't the case for everyone.

Now I'm married with a child, I enjoy different aspects of Christmas. It is different, but not superior. And yes, I am very happy.

You don't have to have Christmas with your parents, you can make your own plans and enjoy the day how you wish, the best you can.

I don't have any other options unfortunately. Being alone would be worse.
I just feel made to feel like I can't have fun sometimes.
I often just watch tv alone to get own space, which may be sad but better in some ways.

OP posts:
Original poster
Aquarius1234 · 21/12/2022 14:53

Yes I do find the smug couples annoying, esp the women that have to plan everything to T. The partner never gets a look in. Oh but least they ardent single..
I hate the fact they are so smug that it never occurs to them that their relationship could ever end ever.

OP posts:
Ursuladevine · 21/12/2022 14:55

Aquarius1234 · 21/12/2022 14:53

Yes I do find the smug couples annoying, esp the women that have to plan everything to T. The partner never gets a look in. Oh but least they ardent single..
I hate the fact they are so smug that it never occurs to them that their relationship could ever end ever.

Oh dear Op

You sound unpleasant

AkoraEdelherb · 21/12/2022 14:55

Why would being alone be worse? Would you feel sad yourself, or have you been conditioned into thinking it’s sad to be alone on Christmas?

I’m single and spending NYE and NY Day on my own (NY being a much bigger deal than Christmas where I live). Many people have said ‘oh, that’s a shame’. I’ve told them I don’t get why? I’m perfectly capable of being happy on my own and I so look forward to having those days to myself.

Ursuladevine · 21/12/2022 14:55

I suspect your family and friends issue may have less to do with fact you’re single and more to do with… you

Yesthatismychildsigh · 21/12/2022 14:56

Aquarius1234 · 21/12/2022 14:19

How do you mean? You never felt slightly isolated when single? Or not loving the plans made?

Show quote history

No, not really. Neither did I feel inferior or think people in couples were smug for being so.

AkoraEdelherb · 21/12/2022 14:56

Define smug?

Also, do you have that much free time and headspace to look around at different women and think that their relationships might end some day? I honestly wouldn’t find the time for that, I have more important things to do with my life than sit around and think about other people’s smugness.

Why are you letting this affect you?

Suprima · 21/12/2022 14:57

Aquarius1234 · 21/12/2022 14:53

Yes I do find the smug couples annoying, esp the women that have to plan everything to T. The partner never gets a look in. Oh but least they ardent single..
I hate the fact they are so smug that it never occurs to them that their relationship could ever end ever.

Awww the poor men who don’t get to run around organising Christmas for everyone and making things magical

You sound unpleasant and hard with your last few posts. I was originally sympathetic.

Stop watching TV, go outside, get a hobby, build a life for yourself

Original poster
Aquarius1234 · 21/12/2022 14:58

DucklingDaisy · 21/12/2022 14:47

It's not clear from your posts what has happened. If you're annoyed because plans are being made around toddler nap times etc, and you feel like that's being prioritised above your planned TV schedule, you are being a bit unreasonable. One of those things is much easier to be flexible with than the other. If you feel like you're being left out, talked down to or otherwise treated with a lack of respect or care, that's not ok.

I have already been told I cannot go in the kitchen, even tho I like being around the kitchen and helping sometimes.
I am apparently not allowed to criticize , Stupid isn't it, oh and we must all be calm and not stressed...
I have issues being told how to be behave as it makes me react more.

OP posts:
LolaMoon · 21/12/2022 14:59

Aquarius1234 · 21/12/2022 14:58

I have already been told I cannot go in the kitchen, even tho I like being around the kitchen and helping sometimes.
I am apparently not allowed to criticize , Stupid isn't it, oh and we must all be calm and not stressed...
I have issues being told how to be behave as it makes me react more.

Show quote history

What does that have to do with couples being smug though? this is about poor behaviour from your family members, its got nothing to do with people being in couples...

BeautifulWar · 21/12/2022 14:59

I hate the fact they are so smug that it never occurs to them that their relationship could ever end ever.

This sounds aimed at very specific people again, this is hardly the norm amongst couples.

I'm not sure what's actually going here but you sound very unhappy with the people around you. If want to be happy, something's for to change. I think I'd rather sit and watch TV on my own than feel the way you feel around these people!

PearlclutchersInc · 21/12/2022 15:01

Aquarius1234 · 21/12/2022 14:24

My parents are control freaks.

Ah right. This is your parents not everyone's.

I'm assuming you can't talk to them so accept it (reluctantly) because that's who they are or make your own plans even if it's not really what you want, at least it'll take your mind off the situation.

AkoraEdelherb · 21/12/2022 15:01

I am apparently not allowed to criticize , Stupid isn't it, oh and we must all be calm and not stressed...

Who are you criticising and why?

I too would hate stressed people in my kitchen, single or not.

stayathomer · 21/12/2022 15:02

have already been told I cannot go in the kitchen, even tho I like being around the kitchen and helping sometimes.
I am apparently not allowed to criticize , Stupid isn't it, oh and we must all be calm and not stressed...
well it’s nice to have a bit of calm, isn’t it? Op, do you have anyone irl you can rant to? You sound like too much is getting to you at the same time x

Original poster
Aquarius1234 · 21/12/2022 15:03

Everyone knows the single one is looked down on during these festive periods. Why are films and tv all about finding someone and love at Christmas?
Why cant there be films about single people just getting on and getting by..
I actually do not mind being single. I have accepted it the last few years.
Need new friends but that's another issue.

OP posts:
Original poster
Aquarius1234 · 21/12/2022 15:04

stayathomer · 21/12/2022 15:02

have already been told I cannot go in the kitchen, even tho I like being around the kitchen and helping sometimes.
I am apparently not allowed to criticize , Stupid isn't it, oh and we must all be calm and not stressed...
well it’s nice to have a bit of calm, isn’t it? Op, do you have anyone irl you can rant to? You sound like too much is getting to you at the same time x

Calm is good and I need not be stressed this Xmas esp, but being told to be calm can make you not calm right?

OP posts:
Anewhoo · 21/12/2022 15:06

Honestly I think you’re paranoid and blaming this on being single. Criticising people at Christmas is probably the reason you feel hard done by as people don’t react well to criticism after putting in a lot of effort planning and cooking. I don’t think has anything to do with your relationship status, it’s more your attitude.

LolaMoon · 21/12/2022 15:09

Aquarius1234 · 21/12/2022 15:03

Everyone knows the single one is looked down on during these festive periods. Why are films and tv all about finding someone and love at Christmas?
Why cant there be films about single people just getting on and getting by..
I actually do not mind being single. I have accepted it the last few years.
Need new friends but that's another issue.

So, now its not about your family, its about TV programmes and films?
I dont know anyone who "looks down" on single people at Christmas, if anything, people make an effort to ensure others are included. This thread is becoming really quite weird.

FictionalCharacter · 21/12/2022 15:10

Yanbu and I don’t believe people in LTRs are generally smug.

Original poster
Aquarius1234 · 21/12/2022 15:13

I respect single people at Christmas way more than those in LTR.

OP posts:
BeautifulWar · 21/12/2022 15:14

Everyone knows the single one is looked down on during these festive periods.
Not in my world.

Why are films and tv all about finding someone and love at Christmas?
Because they're usually low budget RomComs?

Why cant there be films about single people just getting on and getting by..
No-one wants to watch any film about the protagonist 'getting by'.

I actually do not mind being single. I have accepted it the last few years.
Hmmm that's not how it comes across here.

Need new friends but that's another issue.
In all honesty, it sounds like there are a few issues. You sound deeply unhappy. You say you don't have any choice about these Christmas plans...You absolutely do. If you don't want to spend it alone, are there any charity events you could help with or any community events for people who are alone over Christmas?

It really sounds as though you need to step away from whoever these people are and think about the positive steps you can take to take control of your life and be happy.