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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partners family not acknowledging my pregnancy ?

260 replies

girlshelpxx · 20/12/2022 01:53

Hiya everyone, I want to know AIBU or do I have the right to feel upset? I’m currently 7 weeks pregnant (very early I know) It's our first baby and we are so excited. A few people already know including his family, they have known since I was 4 weeks ( we can't keep our mouths shut 🤣 ) he told them when I wasn't there , which I preferred tbh because we didn't know how they would react, I was told they reacted quiet well and they are happy. The few people that know gave me big hugs and congratulated me, except his family... I have seen them multiple times since them knowing and they haven't said anything to me, as if nothing is happening, me and his family have a good relationship and we talk all of the time, I just feel upset that they haven't acknowledged it ? is this normal for me to feel? when I say his family I mean his parents and his older sister who is 30! I see them most days during the week and I feel as if things are awkward because they won't mention it, I don't understand why they won't ? I did mention to my partner why they haven't said anything and he said "what are they supposed to say" which annoyed me because my parents give my partner a hug and congratulated us together , AIBU? xx

OP posts:
HamBone · 20/12/2022 04:59

FiveShelties · 20/12/2022 04:58

Perhaps they are worried how you will manage after the baby is born? It is a huge responsibility, and you are both very young. Do you live together now?

This ^ How ARE you going to manage? They’re probably worried sick that you’re not emotionally or financially prepared for parenthood.

BigChesterDraws · 20/12/2022 05:02

Does either of you work? It does sound a lot like “playing house”. I don’t think an 18-year-old and a 19-year-old are “partners”, either. You asked for opinions. That was mine as someone old enough to be your parent.

DumpIing · 20/12/2022 05:05

They’re probably of the “if you have nothing nice to say…” school of thought.

I get that you’re happy to be having a baby, but surely you can see the massive upset this can cause?

BigChesterDraws · 20/12/2022 05:07

girlshelpxx · 20/12/2022 02:07

I wasn't sure how they would react because we are quite young, i’m 18 and my partner is 19. And that is one of the things that they said to my bf when they found out, is that were too young! But me and his parents do get along quite good. Although the thought of bringing it up is making me feel awkward i’m just getting the impression it's something that they don't want to discuss.

He was 20 in the summer.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/feeling_depressed/4562549-cant-separate-from-my-partner

Or is this a new boyfriend already?

Looking at your posting history you’ve been obsessing about getting pregnant since earlier this year at least. And you are very insecure. I would guess that your boyfriend’s parents can see this and feel that you’re doing this because you’re scared of losing him.

Snugglemonkey · 20/12/2022 05:12

Sorry, I know you want his family to be positive about your pregnancy, but are you thinking about how big an ask that is?

Are you partners? Do you live together, financially independently? Or are you bf/gf living with your parents?

As people have said, I would be devastated if this were my son. I would be hoping that you would both decide to delay parenthood and have a termination.

billy1966 · 20/12/2022 05:14

HitMeWithAHotNoteAndWatchMeBounce · 20/12/2022 03:16

This is an anonymous forum and you have asked for opinions, so I will give my honest one - even though you won’t like it.

I’d be so, so disappointed if my 19YO son told me his 18YO girlfriend was pregnant.

I want him to go out and live life. Have experiences and do so much of what life has to offer, before he becomes a parent.

I know for some people, they don’t have aspirations beyond having a baby and settling down into domesticity where they grew up, for the rest of their lives. But for other people, that isn’t enough.

I know it wouldn’t be about me - I get all that. But it would be a huge disappointment, because it would limit him in so many way.

Maybe they’re getting their heads around it. It’s a huge deal. I’m sure they will get there in time. But there is bound to be some processing to be done.

This.

lifeinthehills · 20/12/2022 06:03

All the best for your upcoming baby OP.

I had a baby at 19 with my husband. We were self-supporting and didn't need any financial or other assistance. We loved parenting and it hasn't denied us any experiences. It does seem very young now looking back but it worked out and I don't regret it. People shouldn't assume you can't do it on your own just because you are young.

catandcoffee · 20/12/2022 06:04

You forgot to enable voting for AIBU.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 20/12/2022 06:08

I had my own place at 18 and self supported. Dp moved in not long after. We had DC 1 at 21 and 22. Everyone was happy for us, but we'd been living together and supporting ourselves for a few years. This was also 14 years ago, is it even possible now to support yourselves so young?

TheOriginalEmu · 20/12/2022 06:11

ZekeZeke · 20/12/2022 03:02

I doubt they are happy.
You are both young and I assume both living at home?
You see his family most days? That is WAY too much.

If he does live at home, then to see her boyfriend she needs to see his family so how is that way to much?
and if he doesn’t and they just, I dunno, like each other? Why is that too much?

weird comment.

LaLuz7 · 20/12/2022 06:11

A teen pregnancy is absolutely no reason to be congratulated on. They are probably so worried and so disappointed. For good reason.

Not a smart decision, sorry.

knittingaddict · 20/12/2022 06:11

If the op sees her partner's family every day that suggests he is still living at home, so not self supporting. I doubt op is either.

If this is real they must be out of their minds with worry and hoping it will all go away. I wouldn't know where to start having a conversation in their shoes. Perhaps "what we're you thinking?"

BringBackFoilWrappers · 20/12/2022 06:12

@AllThingsServeTheBeam

Yes if you don't go to higher education and straight into work.
I got an office job at 19 and my dp got an engineer job at 20.
It would have been hard but we could have had a baby and supported ourselves just barely back then.
We ended up having a baby in our mid 20s though.

knittingaddict · 20/12/2022 06:14

BigChesterDraws · 20/12/2022 05:07

He was 20 in the summer.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/feeling_depressed/4562549-cant-separate-from-my-partner

Or is this a new boyfriend already?

Looking at your posting history you’ve been obsessing about getting pregnant since earlier this year at least. And you are very insecure. I would guess that your boyfriend’s parents can see this and feel that you’re doing this because you’re scared of losing him.

Show quote history

Oh dear.

TheOriginalEmu · 20/12/2022 06:14

HitMeWithAHotNoteAndWatchMeBounce · 20/12/2022 03:16

This is an anonymous forum and you have asked for opinions, so I will give my honest one - even though you won’t like it.

I’d be so, so disappointed if my 19YO son told me his 18YO girlfriend was pregnant.

I want him to go out and live life. Have experiences and do so much of what life has to offer, before he becomes a parent.

I know for some people, they don’t have aspirations beyond having a baby and settling down into domesticity where they grew up, for the rest of their lives. But for other people, that isn’t enough.

I know it wouldn’t be about me - I get all that. But it would be a huge disappointment, because it would limit him in so many way.

Maybe they’re getting their heads around it. It’s a huge deal. I’m sure they will get there in time. But there is bound to be some processing to be done.

did you mean to word that like he wouldn’t be just as responsible for this baby as his girlfriend?
‘If he told me his gf was pregnant’ rather then ‘he got his gf pregnant’ for instance. He’s not an innocent bystander.

TheOriginalEmu · 20/12/2022 06:16

girlshelpxx · 20/12/2022 01:53

Hiya everyone, I want to know AIBU or do I have the right to feel upset? I’m currently 7 weeks pregnant (very early I know) It's our first baby and we are so excited. A few people already know including his family, they have known since I was 4 weeks ( we can't keep our mouths shut 🤣 ) he told them when I wasn't there , which I preferred tbh because we didn't know how they would react, I was told they reacted quiet well and they are happy. The few people that know gave me big hugs and congratulated me, except his family... I have seen them multiple times since them knowing and they haven't said anything to me, as if nothing is happening, me and his family have a good relationship and we talk all of the time, I just feel upset that they haven't acknowledged it ? is this normal for me to feel? when I say his family I mean his parents and his older sister who is 30! I see them most days during the week and I feel as if things are awkward because they won't mention it, I don't understand why they won't ? I did mention to my partner why they haven't said anything and he said "what are they supposed to say" which annoyed me because my parents give my partner a hug and congratulated us together , AIBU? xx

They’re probably a bit surprised and need time to come to terms with it. That doesn’t mean they won’t be happy, but at the moment they’re probably concerned for how you’ll cope. If I was you I’d try and talk to them and reassure them you have a game plan. (Do you? If not you need to think and plan) so you can show them you guys will be ok. Maybe they are waiting for you to mention it x

TheOriginalEmu · 20/12/2022 06:19

LaLuz7 · 20/12/2022 06:11

A teen pregnancy is absolutely no reason to be congratulated on. They are probably so worried and so disappointed. For good reason.

Not a smart decision, sorry.

Helpful.
They aren’t the first or last people go have a baby young. And tbh if that was my 19 year old child I’d want to support her and whilst I would be worried, I’d also want to help her get her ducks in a row. Ignoring it isn’t goinv to make jf go away, and is a pretty childish reaction if that’s the reason they haven’t said anything.

HAlone · 20/12/2022 06:21

knittingaddict · 20/12/2022 06:14

Oh dear.

Show quote history

oh dear indeed. No wonder his parents are staying quiet.

MayThe4th · 20/12/2022 06:22

I don’t think a teenage pregnancy is something to celebrate.

And given your relationship is volatile I think it’s fair to say that his family know you probably won’t be on the scene for long and they probably won’t end up having a relationship with this baby anyway.

Ocrumbs · 20/12/2022 06:22
  1. It could be they are waiting for you to bring it up? Or might not know who knows.
  2. They might be waiting until you have passed the first trimester and the chance of miscarriage is reduced.
  3. They might think this is not good timing.
knittingaddict · 20/12/2022 06:24
  1. They might think that this is a very unhealthy relationship.
Toddlerteaplease · 20/12/2022 06:25

MakeMineALarge1 · 20/12/2022 03:51

If my son at 19 got his 18 yr old girlfriend pregnant I'd be devastated for the both of you.
I'd have to pretend I was happy but I wouldn't be
I'm sorry if that's hurtful but it's the truth

Agreed.

RampantIvy · 20/12/2022 06:26

This won't go well, and I doubt that the OP will be back.

Ocrumbs · 20/12/2022 06:27

BigChesterDraws · 20/12/2022 05:07

He was 20 in the summer.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/feeling_depressed/4562549-cant-separate-from-my-partner

Or is this a new boyfriend already?

Looking at your posting history you’ve been obsessing about getting pregnant since earlier this year at least. And you are very insecure. I would guess that your boyfriend’s parents can see this and feel that you’re doing this because you’re scared of losing him.

Show quote history

If its a new boyfriend then I can see why they'd be a bit unsure about this. Ah and yes they've said you're too young. Did he want a baby too?
Maybe they were hoping he'd have a few years of getting into a career first, travel the world.

Do you both have established careers? So you have something to go back to after maternity leave?

Anyway I wish you all the best for your pregnancy.

Ocrumbs · 20/12/2022 06:28

knittingaddict · 20/12/2022 06:24

  1. They might think that this is a very unhealthy relationship.

Yes

  1. Who is going to pay for and house this child