Partners family not acknowledging my pregnancy ?

[girlshelpxx]

Hiya everyone, I want to know AIBU or do I have the right to feel upset? I’m currently 7 weeks pregnant (very early I know) It's our first baby and we are so excited. A few people already know including his family, they have known since I was 4 weeks ( we can't keep our mouths shut 🤣 ) he told them when I wasn't there , which I preferred tbh because we didn't know how they would react, I was told they reacted quiet well and they are happy. The few people that know gave me big hugs and congratulated me, except his family... I have seen them multiple times since them knowing and they haven't said anything to me, as if nothing is happening, me and his family have a good relationship and we talk all of the time, I just feel upset that they haven't acknowledged it ? is this normal for me to feel? when I say his family I mean his parents and his older sister who is 30! I see them most days during the week and I feel as if things are awkward because they won't mention it, I don't understand why they won't ? I did mention to my partner why they haven't said anything and he said "what are they supposed to say" which annoyed me because my parents give my partner a hug and congratulated us together , AIBU? xx

You and your dp are very young and will need your family’s support

Thier son is 19, they have just come to the end of child rearing days and were probably looking forward to some respite, holidays etc before grand children come along. Instead his son and his gf have planned a baby despite troubles in thier relationship and no financial plan. I would be pissed off to if I were them.

What's wrong with mentioning abortion?

It shouldn't be a taboo subject.

There's absolutely nothing in any of the OP's posts to suggest that she and her boyfriend are in a good position to raise a child right now.

What a disgusting thing to say to someone. Absolutely disgusting.

Looking at the posting history of the OP, it’s likely true though, whether you find it palatable or not. Also, abortion should be spoken about. It’s an option available to women, not a shameful secret.

The boyfriend’s haven’t said anything negative.

Probably a case of "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."

Exactly. I think they've earned anger, disdain and exasperation. As pp said, what have they ever contributed to society and/or to any individual or their families? Nothing. And yet they expect support for a deliberate anti-social action? Absurd.

The level of vitriol and hate on this thread towards this young PREGNANT WOMAN sickens me. Yes she’s extremely young and the situation is not ideal but she is an ADULT in a relationship with the father of her child. Point out the things shes needs to consider-practical advice- ok-but judgmental, smug, nasty & extremely hurtful comments (miscarriage & abortion??? Ffs) no wonder she’s not returning to the post you hideous bitches. I’m disgusted. I’m a mother to a 5 year old in my late 30s now and yeh I’d not be too happy if my daughter got pregnant at 18 for the reasons detailed in some pp but I’d be doing my best to support her -my god show some damn compassion!! she is pregnant already and wants it to work out! Naive -maybe, a bad person? No reason to think that and not deserving of such cruel comments. Awful.

Yes definitely.

Do you think that’s a kind thing to post?? This young woman has turned to this forum for support- does it matter what I or you think is palatable??? The comments on here are meant to offer advice or support as a mothers forum, not to absolutely tear a young pregnant woman down with horrible comments about aborting a child ThAT SHE WANTS TO KEEP. Have a word with yourself

Sometimes the kindest advice isn't the most pleasant sounding. OP needs to think carefully about her life going forward and whether she wants to be tied for the rest of her life to a man she doesn't get on with and most likely struggle financially for at least the next few years.

Oh my goodness I've read your previous posts, you sound incredibly naiive and no way ready for a baby! This is a year relationship, absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things and the level of obsession with your partner is bizarre. No wonder his parents aren't happy!

This young woman has turned to this forum for support- does it matter what I or you think is palatable???

No she hasn't. She's stupid enough to be wondering why her boyfriend's parents arem't overjoyed she has moved herself into their house and got pregnant on purpose. She's now got many, many correct answers.

Do you think it's kind to be telling an 18 year old who has deliberately got pregnant, "you go hunny, congrats on your pregnancy, everything will be fine" and encourage her to go ahead with bringing a baby into the world when she is in no way equipped to deal with it?

She would essentially need her boyfriend's parents, and her own if they are in the picture, to do the bulk of the parenting, because she is essentially still a child herself.

Sometimes the kindest thing is to tell the truth.

Did you read OP's other posts? She clearly has several issues going on.

As I said in my post- it’s not ideal- offer practical advice & support on here by all means. Express concern. At what point did I gush congrats hunny etc? You’re Putting words right in my mouth.
My point is it is acceptable to point out concerns to this person about the situation and what she needs to consider moving forward- what is NOT acceptable is the horrible callous hatred and comments regarding abortion & miscarriage and her not contributing to society on account of her age. This is a very young pregnant lady looking for support and advice not looking to be told that people hope she miscarries or aborts her baby when she at no stage has said she isn’t sure if she wants it.
As I said show some damn compassion the comments are not helpful at best and absolutely fucking hideous at worst.

1. Never congratulate anyone before 12 week scan.
2. Do you live together, can you financially and emotionally support a child independently ( irrespective of age)?
3. Are you in a solid stable relationship where you really know the person that you are making this most fundamental choice with?

Calling someone stupid-lovely. How do YOU know she’s not posted to receive support? That’s certainly what this forum is mainly for. And I bet she’s certainly not posted to be trampled all over by judgmental, holier than thou people like yourself. Where’s your anger coming from? You’re impartial, why so nasty? Why can’t you just say something along the lines of “his parents probably don’t agree with this or are likely very worried” or “you really should think about issues x y and z immediately and seek support from a b or c” There’s a real person behind the other screen, in fact a very young, pregnant and I’d say given that- possibly quite a vulnerable person here reading your potentially harmful words…be careful with how you speak to people is what I’m saying to you.

They are much more likely to get excited about the situation when you are both no longer living in their house.

You chose to get pregnant, now take responsibility, move out and support yourselves.

Do you want people suggesting abortion when you announce a pregnancy? OP didn’t ask our advice on whether she should continue her pregnancy so it’s simply not our place to bring it up. It’s not taboo, it’s just not the point of her post. It also isn’t our place to judge whether she should have the baby. That’s up to her

I did. I said "It's probably a case of saying nothing if you can't say something nice."

The boyfriend is emotionally detached and not really fussed about the OP, and yet she stopped seeing her friends months ago and started staying at his parents every night, all while questioning the relationship. She posted for support then. Yet, here we are. Does that sound like intelligent life decisions to you?

Here we go.

"i want to break this nonsense and be in a healthier relationship. he doesn't seem to think anything is wrong. maybe bc he sees his family every single day. i don't. idk if we should take a break? or break up? i can't stand the thought of him not being in my life. i truly love him he's so amazing and i genuinely mean that. i just believe we're in a very unhealthy situation atm. i can't live like this anymore. i want to see my friends. LIVE at my own home in my OWN bed. i don't know how to get out. it's hard. i want to be with him 24/7 but it makes me unhappy. i need my own space...."

Cue numerous threads about lines on pregnancy tests, TTC, and cervical mucus.

I hear what you’re saying. I agree not the most intelligent life decisions from what we know of. She is extremely young and not all of our decisions are intelligent at 18. But this is the current situation: she is already pregnant, so that’s non-negotiable! People talking of abortion when she doesn’t want to abort? Awful. What good is all the hate going to do? Yeh she has an awful lot to think about. She’s got a lot of growing up to do. Fast. My point is we don’t need to be tearing her down and calling her stupid. It’s so unhelpful, nasty and so lacking in compassion. People on here telling her they hope she miscarries-come on-just so cruel & hurtful. Horrendous to read for me I can’t imagine how it is for the young woman about her & her unborn baby .

I’d assume they haven’t brought it up because of how early in the pregnancy it is, maybe they’d assumed your partner told them without your knowledge as in him being excited and not wanting to wait until 12 weeks type thing.

There were a lot of things I didn't want to hear when I was 18, but probably needed to.

It is absolutely an appropriate thing to be discussing when there is still time for the OP to change her mind about making what will probably be a disastrous life choice and bringing an innocent baby into a shitty situation.