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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partners family not acknowledging my pregnancy ?

260 replies

girlshelpxx · 20/12/2022 01:53

Hiya everyone, I want to know AIBU or do I have the right to feel upset? I’m currently 7 weeks pregnant (very early I know) It's our first baby and we are so excited. A few people already know including his family, they have known since I was 4 weeks ( we can't keep our mouths shut 🤣 ) he told them when I wasn't there , which I preferred tbh because we didn't know how they would react, I was told they reacted quiet well and they are happy. The few people that know gave me big hugs and congratulated me, except his family... I have seen them multiple times since them knowing and they haven't said anything to me, as if nothing is happening, me and his family have a good relationship and we talk all of the time, I just feel upset that they haven't acknowledged it ? is this normal for me to feel? when I say his family I mean his parents and his older sister who is 30! I see them most days during the week and I feel as if things are awkward because they won't mention it, I don't understand why they won't ? I did mention to my partner why they haven't said anything and he said "what are they supposed to say" which annoyed me because my parents give my partner a hug and congratulated us together , AIBU? xx

OP posts:
UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 20/12/2022 01:57

Have you brought it up in their presence? Typically with reproductive health, the received wisdom is not to bring anything up until the pregnant woman does so. What if you lost the baby, weren’t ready to talk about it, and your in-laws started gushing about how excited they were about being grandparents? It would be beyond awkward… truly awful!

SleepingStandingUp · 20/12/2022 01:59

You made your DP tell them without you and sounds like you haven't since mentioned it so perhaps they're thinking you don't want to discuss it yet.

W
You weren't sure hwo they'd take the news yet you're so close you see each other daily? What's the back story there?

Original poster
girlshelpxx · 20/12/2022 02:07

I wasn't sure how they would react because we are quite young, i’m 18 and my partner is 19. And that is one of the things that they said to my bf when they found out, is that were too young! But me and his parents do get along quite good. Although the thought of bringing it up is making me feel awkward i’m just getting the impression it's something that they don't want to discuss.

OP posts:
InWalksBarberalla · 20/12/2022 02:08

Are you very young? They may be coming to terms with it and not feel like congratulations are necessary in order at this point.
On the other hand it's pretty normal for people to not discuss early pregnancy unless the pregnant woman brings it up.

You ask if you have the right to be upset - well it's up to you but I'd suggest not getting upset everytime people don't respond how you want.

InWalksBarberalla · 20/12/2022 02:10

Cross posted - you are young and it likely wasn't what they imagined for your partner. It's up to you to be an adult and discuss it if things are feeling awkward for you.

MintJulia · 20/12/2022 02:29

Perhaps they are waiting for you to raise it, out of good manners. It is still very early, maybe they are waiting for the 12 week mark. Your dp said they were generally positive. Are you waiting for them to give you their blessing? Are you worried they are angry?

Do you and your partner have a home for your child? Do you have incomes that will support a child? Have you worked out how you will afford to live? Maybe they are waiting for a few more details.

lurkinglittleladybug · 20/12/2022 02:51

His family are probably still processing the news. I imagine they might not have imagined this life for him, being such a young age to start a family. Once they come to terms with the idea, I’m sure they will come round.

ZekeZeke · 20/12/2022 03:02

I doubt they are happy.
You are both young and I assume both living at home?
You see his family most days? That is WAY too much.

HitMeWithAHotNoteAndWatchMeBounce · 20/12/2022 03:16

This is an anonymous forum and you have asked for opinions, so I will give my honest one - even though you won’t like it.

I’d be so, so disappointed if my 19YO son told me his 18YO girlfriend was pregnant.

I want him to go out and live life. Have experiences and do so much of what life has to offer, before he becomes a parent.

I know for some people, they don’t have aspirations beyond having a baby and settling down into domesticity where they grew up, for the rest of their lives. But for other people, that isn’t enough.

I know it wouldn’t be about me - I get all that. But it would be a huge disappointment, because it would limit him in so many way.

Maybe they’re getting their heads around it. It’s a huge deal. I’m sure they will get there in time. But there is bound to be some processing to be done.

DuchessofSandwich · 20/12/2022 03:17

What do you want to discuss with them about your pregnancy? There isn't much to tell yet, is there? The only thing you can discuss at the moment is how you're going to manage being your own family, as in leaving home, arranging childcare so you can work or study and pay for it yourself. I'm guessing that at your age you might have a problem doing that and will need their help. Which might not be what they are wanting to do but feel forced to help. So their feelings might not all be positive about your pregnancy but they also might not want to discuss that at this stage.

Dita73 · 20/12/2022 03:46

Well they’re not happy about it are they. You are very young and they’re probably very worried. How long have you been together?

Imogensmumma · 20/12/2022 03:50

They might be waiting for the 12 week mark. My own mother barely talked about my pregnancy until the 12 week mark

Also agree with another PP they are probably processing you are soo young. You and DP probably haven’t even started careers yet and now you have baby and childcare costs plus housing costs to consider. If that was my DC or DSS told me he got his girlfriend pregnant at 18/19 I would be upset and worried too.

MakeMineALarge1 · 20/12/2022 03:51

If my son at 19 got his 18 yr old girlfriend pregnant I'd be devastated for the both of you.
I'd have to pretend I was happy but I wouldn't be
I'm sorry if that's hurtful but it's the truth

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 20/12/2022 04:11

MakeMineALarge1 · 20/12/2022 03:51

If my son at 19 got his 18 yr old girlfriend pregnant I'd be devastated for the both of you.
I'd have to pretend I was happy but I wouldn't be
I'm sorry if that's hurtful but it's the truth

This.

They must be disappointed and worried.

Fairy22 · 20/12/2022 04:19

I'd be pissed if my 19 son got a girl pregnant. How will you manage without Thier financial help?? I'm sure that's what they will be thinking, and the pressure it puts of them in this current climate

BeachDayToday · 20/12/2022 04:20

Sorry OP but I’m with some of the other posters, I’d be absolutely devastated if my teens were expecting a child when they were only 18/19. I’d be super upset about it although would not hurt their feelings by expressing it as it’s too late to turn back the clock once it’s happened.

they may not be saying anything to you as you have not mentioned it and its early, they might think you don’t want to discuss it in case you miscarry. Plus because of your age I’d be wondering if you were going to keep it or abort so would not bring it up without you saying something. And I would not know if I were really happy about it, I’d be sussing that out with my child first to work out if I was meant to say anything for you. So a total minefield.

nearlyjarv · 20/12/2022 04:22

they either think it’s too early to say anything and waiting until you’ve had your dating scan to check baby is actually growing and healthy; or they’re not happy, probably because you’re young

4timesthefun · 20/12/2022 04:35

Given you said you were telling people at 4 weeks, you were obviously TTC. Happy wouldn’t be a word I’d use to describe my feelings if my 19yr old son decided to start a family with his 18yr old girlfriend. I wouldn’t be congratulating you both either, it hardly seems a well reasoned decision or an ideal situation to bring a child into. To be frank, at 7 weeks, I’d still be hoping you change your mind, so I wouldn’t be doing anything to suggest I was jumping with joy over the news.

toomuchlaundry · 20/12/2022 04:40

Why do you see them so often? How are you going to support yourselves and your baby? How long have you been together?

Like others I would be very disappointed if DS announced this news at this age

HitMeWithAHotNoteAndWatchMeBounce · 20/12/2022 04:43

Who’s going to be supporting you both, OP? With housing, financials, child care?

I’m sure all of that is their minds, too.

SunshineAndFizz · 20/12/2022 04:45

Because your partner told them when you weren't there, maybe they don't know if it's meant to be public info or not. Probably waiting for you to bring it up.

Kokeshi123 · 20/12/2022 04:47

OP, you sound awfully naive. Was this a planned pregnancy? Are you two going to get married? Where are you going to live and how will you pay for things like childcare while trying to get your working lives started?

Shoxfordian · 20/12/2022 04:49

I would be really disappointed if my son did this; sad for both of you really— you’re missing out on so much. Also I’d be concerned about how you were planning on paying for this baby, where you were living, lots of things to not be thrilled about

starrynight21 · 20/12/2022 04:56

he told them when I wasn't there , which I preferred tbh because we didn't know how they would react

So you didn't want to be there when he told them - but now you expect them to be positive and to talk about it ? And you see them all the time but you've never said anything about it ? And now you're upset because they are not hugging and congratulating you . Maybe next time you see them, you put on your big girl pants and ask them how they feel about becoming grandparents.

FiveShelties · 20/12/2022 04:58

Perhaps they are worried how you will manage after the baby is born? It is a huge responsibility, and you are both very young. Do you live together now?