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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want a stranger at Christmas?

816 replies

Oneeyedreindeer · 18/12/2022 22:15

My mother and brother were due to come to my house for Christmas. I am married with 3 DC, one of who is a young baby. Last week he randomly said he has a friend from abroad coming to stay for a month and if I don’t invite him he will be alone on Christmas Day.

i explained I don’t want a stranger there and it changes the dynamics with small children/breastfeeding etc. he is insisting I could meet the friend beforehand. He is like a dog with a bone and won’t drop it and keeps bringing it up/poor friend will he all alone etc etc. I’ve been clear that if he can’t come as he needs to be with his friend that’s fine and now I feel very mean indeed. But AIBU? I just think it would be very awkward indeed and I do also think there’s an element of my brother wanting to park up for some free/food drink with his friend - he suggested bringing his games consoles “for DC to play” although DC are 4 and under.

OP posts:
bloodyplanes · 18/12/2022 22:17

You sound a bit selfish op! Its only one day, I would never see anyone alone on Christmas day.

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/12/2022 22:18

YANBU. If he mentions it again just uninvite him. They can spend the day together so his mate doesn’t have to be alone.

poefaced · 18/12/2022 22:18

YANBU. It’s funny all these men who want to be kind to their mates always expect a woman in their life to do all the hosting and provide the free food and drink.

Well done and stick to your guns.

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/12/2022 22:18

bloodyplanes · 18/12/2022 22:17

You sound a bit selfish op! Its only one day, I would never see anyone alone on Christmas day.

It’s the brother leaving his house guest alone.

Tothemoonandbackx · 18/12/2022 22:18

Hell no would I be having that!!! You did right by saying if he can't make it then that's fine. How rude of you brother to not even really ask if it'd be OK. Stick to your guns, and don't feel guilty in the slightest.

poefaced · 18/12/2022 22:19

bloodyplanes · 18/12/2022 22:17

You sound a bit selfish op! Its only one day, I would never see anyone alone on Christmas day.

🙄

You sound like a cliche.

Baconand · 18/12/2022 22:19

Oh no, you should do it. We had to
have a random one year and we were really awkward about it and I massively regret it, as they were lovely and it really was better than I thought. I wish I’d been more relaxed.

brusselspout · 18/12/2022 22:19

It's Christmas. Isn't it in the spirit of Christmas to be welcoming?
Tell him to bring a bottle of fizz and some cheese/choc/lobster

Tothemoonandbackx · 18/12/2022 22:20

@bloodyplanes you could invite a conplete stranger over to yours then....so he wouldn't be alone 😁

DuplicateUserName · 18/12/2022 22:20

I would have no problem with this at all.

But you do and it's your house so that's all that matters.

MilkshakesBringAllTheCoosToTheYard · 18/12/2022 22:20

This is the kind of thing my brother would do, I choose to take it as a massive compliment - he knows everyone's welcome at mine, especially at Christmas. Of course, it's up to you who you have in your home but I wouldn't prioritise not having a stranger over against not seeing my brother on Christmas Day. You would presumably be discrete BF-ing in front of your mum and brother?

Tothemoonandbackx · 18/12/2022 22:22

So some of you on here are completely fine with inviting a complete stranger over into your home with young children when you know zero about them.....yeah, of course you are 🤨🤨🤨🤨

AdventFridgeOfShame · 18/12/2022 22:23

You need to make a decision.
Is it Christmas where you do the Christian thing and help out a stranger and people in need. Or is is Santatide where you eat loads of carbs, get loads of pressies and reject strangers.
Your choice

7Worfs · 18/12/2022 22:23

With young DC in the house, absolutely not.

Shol · 18/12/2022 22:23

YANBU.

When I had a new baby and was learning to breastfeed I was INCREDIBLY UNCOMFORTABLE being around men I wasn’t related to. To bring a strange man into the house at such a time would be very disrespectful to the new mother.

Also, yoh donneed a reason and you certainly don’t need permission from a bunch on internet randoms looking for drama. Tell him you have given the answer, it is a very clear ‘no’ and you don’t appreciate being bullied.

bloodyplanes · 18/12/2022 22:24

I just think its not very kind! How hard is it to invite and be hospitable to one extra person?

poefaced · 18/12/2022 22:24

MilkshakesBringAllTheCoosToTheYard · 18/12/2022 22:20

This is the kind of thing my brother would do, I choose to take it as a massive compliment - he knows everyone's welcome at mine, especially at Christmas. Of course, it's up to you who you have in your home but I wouldn't prioritise not having a stranger over against not seeing my brother on Christmas Day. You would presumably be discrete BF-ing in front of your mum and brother?

The idea that women should find it a ‘massive compliment’ to have another strange man to feed and host is part of what makes Christmas so stressful for so many women.

poefaced · 18/12/2022 22:24

bloodyplanes · 18/12/2022 22:24

I just think its not very kind! How hard is it to invite and be hospitable to one extra person?

Why can’t the brother host his own friend?

Ponoka7 · 18/12/2022 22:24

If it wasn't for the breastfeeding then I'd say invite him. It best solution is your brother hosting his friend, but that would take effort on his part, so he wants to rock up at yours instead, regardless of how inconvenient it is. If you do give in, make it clear that the games console definitely isn't welcome.

Shol · 18/12/2022 22:26

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Puzzledstill · 18/12/2022 22:26

Meet him first he could be some eye candy

Liz1tummypain · 18/12/2022 22:26

I think the general rule is to do unto others as you' d want them to do to you.

bloodyplanes · 18/12/2022 22:27

@poefaced well it looks like he is going to have to! I can't imagine a member of my family excluding me from Christmas because i had a friend with me who they hadn't met, they simply wouldn't do it. Neither would i!

DuplicateUserName · 18/12/2022 22:27

Tothemoonandbackx · 18/12/2022 22:22

So some of you on here are completely fine with inviting a complete stranger over into your home with young children when you know zero about them.....yeah, of course you are 🤨🤨🤨🤨

Yes absolutely!

But as you clearly find it difficult to believe for some strange reason, I'm going to add that I didn't throw my children at said strangers or lock them in a room together 🤔

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 18/12/2022 22:28

bloodyplanes · 18/12/2022 22:17

You sound a bit selfish op! Its only one day, I would never see anyone alone on Christmas day.

Good for you.

I wouldn’t have a random bloke round my kids on a family day, just because he was dumb enough to book an a road trip during one of the biggest family holidays in the world