To not want a stranger at Christmas?

[Oneeyedreindeer]

My mother and brother were due to come to my house for Christmas. I am married with 3 DC, one of who is a young baby. Last week he randomly said he has a friend from abroad coming to stay for a month and if I don’t invite him he will be alone on Christmas Day.

i explained I don’t want a stranger there and it changes the dynamics with small children/breastfeeding etc. he is insisting I could meet the friend beforehand. He is like a dog with a bone and won’t drop it and keeps bringing it up/poor friend will he all alone etc etc. I’ve been clear that if he can’t come as he needs to be with his friend that’s fine and now I feel very mean indeed. But AIBU? I just think it would be very awkward indeed and I do also think there’s an element of my brother wanting to park up for some free/food drink with his friend - he suggested bringing his games consoles “for DC to play” although DC are 4 and under.

Might not decide he's weird, he might be nice/good fun. She might be the weird one.
I'm sure there's lots of people that would say yes..
It's really up to the op. Ask lots of people and you'll get lots of different answers. Make your own mind up.

I hope grandad was doing the shopping, cooking, hosting, decorating and all for all the guests he invited.

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet 😂

TBH I’d rather just have a Christmas Day with my family who I know are safe and loved and it have to always check on the whereabouts of some random bloke.

I’ve hosted Christmas last year - brother repeatedly mentioned how much he enjoyed it and invited himself again. No problem for me - cooking for DH and the children I may as well have an extra couple of mouths. Last year he brought his gf. He has a new gf this time I’ve met a few times she’s lovely and if she wanted to come that would be fine. He just randomly mentioned that he had this friend coming from China last week for a month and has been harassing me about it ever since. Whether he didn’t realise sooner or just thought he would leave it to mention I don’t know. But it’s a total stranger I’m very unlikely to see again and I do sort of think if he is bothered by it he could just have Christmas at his place with his friend!

Yanbu op.
Your brother wants to sit and play Xbox with his mate and have his Christmas dinner handed to him.
Nope

So when will you get your refugee coming round?

And why won’t you answer on your opinion about the brother hosting? It didn’t occur to you did it?

One extra person wouldn't bother me if it's just for christmas dinner, but it's a different matter if they're expected to stay overnight or from early til late.
The breastfeeding also wouldn't bother me, as I breastfed in public, on trains etc, and my dd was always leaving me exposed. Honestly noone cares - at least I never noticed anyone staring. It's your home and you are the one in control.
On these lines, it's obviously up to you and if you don't want this person in your house just tell your brother to have their own meal - could they come over later or boxing day?

OP - do what makes you feel comfortable. Clearly there is no loves list with to your Dvro and you will probably be doing him a favour by shafting him - he can game with his mate to his heart's content, in peace.

Or you could just set a place at the table and be normal.

Choices???

Oh come on - that’s VERY different from someone being in their actual home who we don’t know anything about.

Im not dead keen on making my kids feel uncomfortable and unable to relax in their own home for the sake of being Mrs BeLind Hospitable though.

He's her brother's good friend. Would her sister's new boyfriend not be welcome either? When do people earn the right to be included?

I mean say no if you want to and of course DB could host him himself, but some of the excuses are just that.

It's just Christmas! It's not the be all and end all!!!

Yes it's nice to be with family and/or loved ones on Christmas. But it's not the end of the world to spend it alone.

Tell your DB he's welcome to spend the day with his friend at his own place if he'd like, you won't be the least bit offended if he pulls out of spending the day with you.

You’re being fairly insulting on this thread though so maybe not as nice as you think you are?

Quick Google for all you lovely people wanting to open your home to strangers this Christmas in the spirit of loveliness, get in contact with Scope or Help the aged and they will hook you up.

Because it’s petty asf.

I’m absolutely amazed that people are putting the onus on the OP before they are putting it on the brother.

I wonder why that is, what could it possibly be 🧐

🤷🏻‍♀️

Children under 10 don't tend to leave the house alone. So you are ok with scrapping DBS etc?
The Brother has invited his friend to stay, but doesn't want to do Christmas dinner, so expects the OP to do it instead. I'd put money on that the friend has already been promised that they'll be playing games all day, while being hosted.
When the invite to the friend was issued to stay, what did the brother plan for their Christmas day? Nothing.
The friend could be very intolerant of young children and completely ruin the day.

This is how I’m feeling

Growing up we always had a randomer or two at the Christmas Dinner table, normally someone who came to my parents church looking for help. So I wouldn’t think twice about letting a friend of a sibling come, but it sounds like your brother’s attitude is the bigger issue so I can understand why that would have got your back up.

Some posters on here have some mad ideas about strangers though. No one is suggesting OP leave the guy alone with her kids!

Are you sure your children will be uncomfortable? The strangers at my childhood Christmases were invariably the best fun for us kids. They were, as a rule, glad to be there and made a lot of effort.

Why would little children be uncomfortable with their uncle's friend, unless that's what you teach them?

Or she might find him weird.

And if OP is the weird one - that’s fine. She’s not expecting to be in someone else’s house. She can be as weird as she likes

Yes again this is sort of my concern. It’s how I imagine the situation to be. But maybe that’s ungenerous

@EscapeRoomToTheSun thanks for your input - the empty chair is a Polish tradition on Wigilia aka Christmas Eve. And the quote about angels is from the Bible, Hebrews 13:2. I didn't make it up because of Christmas sparkly magic shite.

So say that. Don't make excuses about it not being safe for your DC.