To not want a stranger at Christmas?

[Oneeyedreindeer]

My mother and brother were due to come to my house for Christmas. I am married with 3 DC, one of who is a young baby. Last week he randomly said he has a friend from abroad coming to stay for a month and if I don’t invite him he will be alone on Christmas Day.

i explained I don’t want a stranger there and it changes the dynamics with small children/breastfeeding etc. he is insisting I could meet the friend beforehand. He is like a dog with a bone and won’t drop it and keeps bringing it up/poor friend will he all alone etc etc. I’ve been clear that if he can’t come as he needs to be with his friend that’s fine and now I feel very mean indeed. But AIBU? I just think it would be very awkward indeed and I do also think there’s an element of my brother wanting to park up for some free/food drink with his friend - he suggested bringing his games consoles “for DC to play” although DC are 4 and under.

OP, I don’t think you should have them over for breakfast on Christmas Day. It will be hard to make them leave once they have their feet through the door.

Like he thinks his mother had time and just allowed any old gypsy women in. Let alone getting the "best china"

OTOH dear mum probably had her palm read as a bonus. 😆

A big fat not to them coming for breakfast, they wont leave. Keep repeating we'll come round to you on Boxing Day.

This is a 35 year old man, not a baby. He should either entertain his friend himself or invite the whole family to his place if he wants the friend to have other people around too.

If he wants to act like a teenager and bring a games console his mother should act like a mother and confiscate it for the day.

100% this!

They'll land, not leave until late evening, spend all their time on the playstation (or whatever it is), dominate the telly, and expect you to feed and clear p after them.

BOXING DAY at the earliest.

They may just arrive on the doorstep, of course - if they do, don't feed them and keep asking them when they are leaving. Don't allow any computer games. Peppa Pig/SHaun the Sheep/ other fun things marathon on the telly. No alcohol exceptionalities for a small sherry each (You're not a monster. You can be hospitable. 😁)

*except - habve no idea what "exceptionalities" are or how they got on the post.

(Auto carrot has been at the sherry, I think)

Oneeyedreindeer

unclear if games consoles coming

Tell them no consoles, because it's antisocial and what with gas and electricity prices at the moment, it's definite CF territory.

Auto carrot 🥕😆

p.s. I think we often reach out to others for their opinion because we don't like the one we know is right, inside. We are looking for justification to say it's ok to do the wrong thing because others think that way too. But you know inside that it doesn't matter who agrees with you, you will ALWAYS know inside you did the wrong thing. So, why ask when you already know the right answer?

I don’t understand your word salad but I see one of your messages has been deleted for breaking talk guidelines so assuming you’re being rude?

anyway here is the update. Bit of a surprise one.

DB messaged me at 9am to ask when he could come and drop of presents for the boys. I realise I could have said “tomorrow” but I thought nice to let him come for some snacks and champagne.

he came round (without friend and without games consoles) and was SO fantastic with the children. Bought amazingly thoughtful gifts and played, played, played for 2 hours. I suspect my mother had had a chat with him but after all presents had been opened and the children had been exhausted and I’d had a glass of merriment, I said he could bring his friend.

it just felt right/ok in the moment.

The friend is perfectly nice. Not a stoner / sensible primary school teacher and polite etc. will be a bit less comfortable for me this evening watching films in my pjs but my mother is staying anyway so it’s not like I’ll be totally relaxed anyway!

so there. I gave in to the Christmas spirit but on my own terms!

Ps Merry Christmas everyone! Hope everyone having a wonderful time

Oh well! All's well that ends well! Glad it turned out OK for you.

A lovely ending - and it probably worked out this because you were assertive without being unkind. It made your brother realise that he was being a bit of a CF, and he came to see your family for their own sakes, and that gave you the chance to be generous in return, and not feel our upon and resentful.

Glad you had such a lovely day - and that his friend turned out to be such a lovely man.

*put upon

That's a great way it's ended up. Hope you all had a good time. No ill- feelings and must have been nice to see your brother. You can drop round to his place another year!

Glad you had a lovely Christmas OP and sorry you made the DM.