To not want a stranger at Christmas?

[Oneeyedreindeer]

My mother and brother were due to come to my house for Christmas. I am married with 3 DC, one of who is a young baby. Last week he randomly said he has a friend from abroad coming to stay for a month and if I don’t invite him he will be alone on Christmas Day.

i explained I don’t want a stranger there and it changes the dynamics with small children/breastfeeding etc. he is insisting I could meet the friend beforehand. He is like a dog with a bone and won’t drop it and keeps bringing it up/poor friend will he all alone etc etc. I’ve been clear that if he can’t come as he needs to be with his friend that’s fine and now I feel very mean indeed. But AIBU? I just think it would be very awkward indeed and I do also think there’s an element of my brother wanting to park up for some free/food drink with his friend - he suggested bringing his games consoles “for DC to play” although DC are 4 and under.

@SnowStupid - a really nice gesture- I would do the same.

Shafting him because she expects him to cook for his own mate? OK.

Let’s face it - OP’s DB wants a free cooked meal whisky also gaming all day with his pal. Let’s stop pretending he can’t host his friend himself

This is the thing I hadn’t really thought about I do think my children probably would feel a bit uncomfortable/take a while to warm up to a stranger so yes that would change things wouldn’t it

this thread is making me feel I’m definitely NBU saying no

I didn’t say it’s not safe?

Honestly I wouldn’t have a problem with a +1. I don’t think it’s that different if it’s a friend or a new partner. The whole ‘strange man near the kids’ thing is a bit OTT, presumably he’s not going to be left alone with the kids? It’s just a day. There’s going to be plenty of adults around. I’d see it as an extra person to have a chat with/it would be fun.

A DBS to have a guest round at Christmas? I’ve heard it all now. Why would this person be left alone with the children?! I also love the idea of a random friend’s intolerance to children ruining the day. OP has no obligation to host him but the mental leaps you’ve taken are nuts.

Sister new boyfriend is a (potential) member of the family who will be seen again. This is just a random bloke on his holidays who OP will never clap eyes on again hankering for a free meal and a play on the PlayStation by the sounds of it

Yes but she will have to get her tits out while cooking a roast. That is frankly enough for anyone without a complete strangers eyeful to consider.

Ah good one, I suspected you were being facetious. It's really silly isn't it?

I might start a thread that says

“Im a man on holiday alone for a month and have nowhere to go for Christmas. The bloke I’m staying with has a sister with 3 kids, never met any of them, AIBU in thinking she’s a pathetic baby and SELFISH if she doesn’t cook for me”

And see how it goes.

We've always had randomers at Xmas couldn't imagine knowing someone was in alone and leaving them alone. However we are all different and if you are not happy then say no as nothing worse than being a bad host for you or the guests.

Another bonkers thread that will be click bait by the morn.

Happy times.

Literally no one on this thread is gonna do that though. They want to come on, stick the boot in and call OP names, then go off and have their lovely stranger free Christmas

I hope not - my mother reads the DM!

In fact in your circumstances I would get my brother to cook.

It’s petty to suggest that a man who is hosting a friend over Christmas hosts that friend on Christmas Day?

Really?

The friend hasn't invited himself though. DB wants to invite him to his family Christmas.

I really can’t see what the big deal is here. Presumably OP’s brother wants to spend Christmas with his family and his friend. It’s only one day and you might actually have fun.
As for the breastfeeding, just crack on.

Does that clear it up a little for you???

No, I tell you what, it confuses me even more. I mean the fact you think I'm confused in why some people would find it uncomfortable to let a complete stranger who they know zero about into their homes with young children?

I'll repeat my reply to the OP here for you and you can have another go at reading it if you think it might help you.

Here goes...

I would have no problem with this at all.
But you do and it's your house so that's all that matters.

Have you opened the Christmas sherry a little early @Tothemoonandbackx ?

I'd ignore the idiots if I was you, bet most of them would not do what they are telling you to do. Gobs on legs.

Wouldn't be a problem for me to add an extra person in. Have done it before in fact with my SIL's brother. In this case I'd assume they were okay as they were a friend of my brother's and any of my brother's friends that I've met have been good company. So I'd assume they' turn up and be a nice and normal person willing to join in with the festivities.

That’s exactly how I would feel. Unless I didn’t like my brother, in which case he wouldn’t be coming for Christmas anyway.

@Oneeyedreindeer yanbu. Some people love hosting and feel comfortable having people they don’t know well join in, some people don’t mind hosting and would happily socialise in a restaurant/bar or similar with friends of friends/family but don’t really want them in their homes & some people are deeply distrustful of strangers to the point the idea of inviting someone into your home you don’t know is alien to them. None of these people we stupid, crazy or wrong (some of all categories on this thread are pretty rude though). It’s your Christmas Day too and you shouldn’t feel obliged to have someone there that will make you feel uncomfortable or stressed out. Your brother could always call by for half an hour and say hi if local or come a different day in the holidays to have time with the family and he’s plenty of time to sort out other arrangements for him and his friend. In your shoes I’d invite the friend but I wouldn’t feel uncomfortable and I’d enjoy spending time with someone travelling and meeting my brothers friend. I guess what I’m saying is those saying of course you should would probably also enjoy doing it so of course then it’s easy to say that you should. We are all different and it doesn’t make you a nicer person to just happen to like hosting lots of people or to enjoy hearing all the stories about your siblings drunken antics at uni. Hope you have a lovely Christmas

If it turns out the strange man we invited is a weirdo, or a racist (which happened at a family-friendly dinner party of our friends once, my children are mixed race so that was fun) or unkind or intolerant of children then yea they would be uncomfortable. I just wouldn’t take the risk.