To not want a stranger at Christmas?

[Oneeyedreindeer]

My mother and brother were due to come to my house for Christmas. I am married with 3 DC, one of who is a young baby. Last week he randomly said he has a friend from abroad coming to stay for a month and if I don’t invite him he will be alone on Christmas Day.

i explained I don’t want a stranger there and it changes the dynamics with small children/breastfeeding etc. he is insisting I could meet the friend beforehand. He is like a dog with a bone and won’t drop it and keeps bringing it up/poor friend will he all alone etc etc. I’ve been clear that if he can’t come as he needs to be with his friend that’s fine and now I feel very mean indeed. But AIBU? I just think it would be very awkward indeed and I do also think there’s an element of my brother wanting to park up for some free/food drink with his friend - he suggested bringing his games consoles “for DC to play” although DC are 4 and under.

OP I would feel exactly the same way you do. You are absolutely not a Grinch...
You have enough on your plate with small children including a young baby, and hosting Xmas - let your brother make other arrangements with his mate, they can sit and play Xbox to their hearts' desire. He is being unreasonable to only let you know about this friends visit so close to Xmas. Not much consideration for your needs there....

Like @whatkatydid2013 I would also be more than ok with this, in my family we always have the empty chair to accommodate a wandering stranger and would tell the children that the stranger might be an angel in disguise. Always made more than enough food in case someone brought a friend or relative or just a random lonely person.

I know this isn't British culture though so it's not for me to tell you what to do on this. It is a lovely thing to do though and you might make a new friend.

Your behaviour towards your brother and his mate is so unkind, it’s Xmas, have a day off.

Wtf do you think the stranger is going to do? Sell the children to an warlord???

Give over - stranger danger gone hysterical.

Send her your address for him to visit then

Well I don’t imagine anyone shuts a stranger in a room with their child but having to host, cook, get everything ready AND ensure you know where every person is at every time? Impossible.

Also I’d hate for my kids to feel uncomfortable on Christmas Day. I must be a pathetic baby.

Also - do we all have babies?? I don’t

OP is already hosting. I might have avoided hosting because of breastfeeding, but I wouldn't have a problem with one extra because of it.

I did host my SIL's in laws who were strangers to me when DS2 was a tiny baby.

It absolutely is British culture to be welcoming on Christmas day, not that you would think that reading this thread

Is there more to this story OP?
was your mother originally meant to cook at hers meaning your brother thought he could invite friend?
how does he know this person and why hasn’t he introduced him to your family before?
is he a friend or a new boyfriend?

He’s still a stranger!!

And if she meets him like it’s some job interview and decides he’s weird then it’s ok to voice that I guess?

So, when are you lot all taking in local homeless people? Curious to know. Wouldn’t want someone to spend Christmas day alone

I'm sure there's a website for you to invite someone who is alone for Christmas into your home, let us know how it went? Or are you all mouth and no action?

There's going to be a houseful. Surely if you're that worried you ask yourmum/brother/DH to check they're not alone together, but the chances are fairly slim unless the house is some sort of stately home.

Surely you mean ‘why isn’t the brother hosting his very dear friend’?

Plenty of days to see OP during the year

YANBU.

Fuck all that shit about the spirit of Christmas. The spirit of Christmas is built on the unacknowledged physical and emotional labour of women.

Your brother can host his own mate for Christmas day rather than foist him on you.

Oh my God. You do realise that your children will come into contact with strangers erm..... every time they leave the house.

#batshitcrazy

in my family we always have the empty chair to accommodate a wandering stranger and would tell the children that the stranger might be an angel in disguise

Some people’s parenting terrifies me.

I think people are massively missing the facts that
1-friend planned it so they are away during holidays so presumably doesn't need some kind of adopting
2-brother is essentially blackmailing op by "he will be alone" and not even considering being with him....
3-repeat two because that attitude stinks. You get your mate in, you be with the mate. They are your responsibility.

I would 100% have my sisters mate over because I’m not completely heartless.

Your DB should be hosting and cooking for his friend then.

@HelsyQ do you not think OP’s brother should be hosting his friend?

But she’s not getting a day off. It’s her brother who wants a day off at the expense of his sister.

@GADDay 😂😂😂 that's ok then, everyone with young children should just happily let strange men into their houses....because you know....its all in the Christmas spirit, as we can all trust someone we know absolutely nothing about, sounds like safe parenting to me 👍🏻........wonder of this thread would be different if it wasn't about Christmas day🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

Oh my lord, op of this quote. That is absolutely the most insane thing I have ever read. I forget every year how BATSHIT Insane mumsnet is around Christmas.

Yes YABU.