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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want a stranger at Christmas?

816 replies

Oneeyedreindeer · 18/12/2022 22:15

My mother and brother were due to come to my house for Christmas. I am married with 3 DC, one of who is a young baby. Last week he randomly said he has a friend from abroad coming to stay for a month and if I don’t invite him he will be alone on Christmas Day.

i explained I don’t want a stranger there and it changes the dynamics with small children/breastfeeding etc. he is insisting I could meet the friend beforehand. He is like a dog with a bone and won’t drop it and keeps bringing it up/poor friend will he all alone etc etc. I’ve been clear that if he can’t come as he needs to be with his friend that’s fine and now I feel very mean indeed. But AIBU? I just think it would be very awkward indeed and I do also think there’s an element of my brother wanting to park up for some free/food drink with his friend - he suggested bringing his games consoles “for DC to play” although DC are 4 and under.

OP posts:
Ruffpuff · 18/12/2022 22:28

I get the whole Christmas sentiment of not wanting to leave anyone alone…but I wouldn’t want a strange man in my house on Xmas day if I had 3 kids under 4, and a newborn.

poefaced · 18/12/2022 22:28

he suggested bringing his games consoles “for DC to play” although DC are 4 and under.

So your brother is a sly fucker as well. Let him stay home and play his console with his friend.

maddening · 18/12/2022 22:28

To stay overnin your house or just for lunch on Xmas day?

Shol · 18/12/2022 22:28

DuplicateUserName · 18/12/2022 22:20

I would have no problem with this at all.

But you do and it's your house so that's all that matters.

Great! There are many many many people in UK who will be alone this Christmas, some refugees, some homeless children. Go find a total stranger and invite them into your home for Christmas day.

Bet you don’t.

comical2023 · 18/12/2022 22:28

I just can’t even begin to be bothered by this. Anyone who is around and doesn’t have plans is more than welcome to come. I don’t care if I know them, if they’re a friend of my family they’re welcome at me

bloodyplanes · 18/12/2022 22:29

@Shol no need to be abusive! Why does she have to sit in front on a man and feed her child? Also who says he would sit there and stare? So judgemental!

poefaced · 18/12/2022 22:29

This reply has been deleted

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Well said.

But hey, what’s a woman’s discomfort over a strange man’s right to be fed and hosted?

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 18/12/2022 22:29

I’d seriously question the safeguarding capabilities of people who let strange men into their children’s homes for the whole day because it’s more important to be kind to strangers than it is to consider the welfare of your offspring

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/12/2022 22:29

Shol · 18/12/2022 22:28

Great! There are many many many people in UK who will be alone this Christmas, some refugees, some homeless children. Go find a total stranger and invite them into your home for Christmas day.

Bet you don’t.

Show quote history

Indeed. Nothing quite like spending someone else’s goodwill.

HelsyQ · 18/12/2022 22:29

Oneeyedreindeer · 18/12/2022 22:15

My mother and brother were due to come to my house for Christmas. I am married with 3 DC, one of who is a young baby. Last week he randomly said he has a friend from abroad coming to stay for a month and if I don’t invite him he will be alone on Christmas Day.

i explained I don’t want a stranger there and it changes the dynamics with small children/breastfeeding etc. he is insisting I could meet the friend beforehand. He is like a dog with a bone and won’t drop it and keeps bringing it up/poor friend will he all alone etc etc. I’ve been clear that if he can’t come as he needs to be with his friend that’s fine and now I feel very mean indeed. But AIBU? I just think it would be very awkward indeed and I do also think there’s an element of my brother wanting to park up for some free/food drink with his friend - he suggested bringing his games consoles “for DC to play” although DC are 4 and under.

What is actually wrong with people???

Let the poor man come, Jesus, you’re being a baby.

poefaced · 18/12/2022 22:30

bloodyplanes · 18/12/2022 22:29

@Shol no need to be abusive! Why does she have to sit in front on a man and feed her child? Also who says he would sit there and stare? So judgemental!

Why does she have to leave her own living room to avoid a strange man she’s never met before?

DuplicateUserName · 18/12/2022 22:31

Shol · 18/12/2022 22:28

Great! There are many many many people in UK who will be alone this Christmas, some refugees, some homeless children. Go find a total stranger and invite them into your home for Christmas day.

Bet you don’t.

Show quote history

Errrrm I bet I don't too Confused weirdo

However, back on topic...

As I said, I would have no problem with this particular scenario.

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 18/12/2022 22:31

To everyone saying the OP is BU or being unkind.

Do you believe the OP is this man’s only option? Surely dearest brother could stay home and cook his beloved mate Christmas dinner? Did that actually occur to any of you?

bloodyplanes · 18/12/2022 22:31

Hopefully lots of posters on this thread won't ever be on the receiving end of their idea of hospitality one day!

NoelNoNoel · 18/12/2022 22:31

They can have their own Christmas then no one is on their own.

Daffodilis · 18/12/2022 22:31

bloodyplanes · 18/12/2022 22:29

@Shol no need to be abusive! Why does she have to sit in front on a man and feed her child? Also who says he would sit there and stare? So judgemental!

Why does she have to do anything she doesn't want too? Why does she have to have a strange man in her home? Because she should be kind, because she should shut up and put up. What a load of bollox. What random stranger are you feeding this Christmas?

poefaced · 18/12/2022 22:31

HelsyQ · 18/12/2022 22:29

What is actually wrong with people???

Let the poor man come, Jesus, you’re being a baby.

Show quote history

No, she HAS a tiny baby that she’s breastfeeding. The baby is her arsehole brother.

Pothoswithasparkle · 18/12/2022 22:32

Aaaand here we go again with the tirkey that can always feed extra and unlimited space😂

I thought you got some answers on a last thread and if it weren't you, god help all these women with brothers wanting yo invite essential strangers to dinner they are not even cooking

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 18/12/2022 22:32

bloodyplanes · 18/12/2022 22:24

I just think its not very kind! How hard is it to invite and be hospitable to one extra person?

So OP’s feelings don’t matter? There’s a MAN who needs something from her. He wins!

bloodyplanes · 18/12/2022 22:33

@poefaced she doesn't but if she was uncomfortable there is another option! To be honest I don't think I would feel comfortable feeding in front of my brother so I probably would leave the room anyway!

Original poster
Oneeyedreindeer · 18/12/2022 22:33

MilkshakesBringAllTheCoosToTheYard · 18/12/2022 22:20

This is the kind of thing my brother would do, I choose to take it as a massive compliment - he knows everyone's welcome at mine, especially at Christmas. Of course, it's up to you who you have in your home but I wouldn't prioritise not having a stranger over against not seeing my brother on Christmas Day. You would presumably be discrete BF-ing in front of your mum and brother?

not really in my house, no! Im
not faffing around covering up particularly in front of my family - it just adds a whole other level of annoyance if I’m cooking for several people and then worrying about finding a cloth to cover up for feeds
or feeling like I need to host properly rather than just family/worrying about my children behaving etc etc.

also what if this guy is weird/not someone I like?

I guess I also take umbridge with my brother’s attitude

but equally maybe it’s not in the Christmas spirit and i am being a grinch!

OP posts:
poefaced · 18/12/2022 22:33

bloodyplanes · 18/12/2022 22:31

Hopefully lots of posters on this thread won't ever be on the receiving end of their idea of hospitality one day!

So you can’t answer people’s questions and you’re back to muttering about hospitality. Typical.

SheldontheWonderSchlong · 18/12/2022 22:33

poefaced · 18/12/2022 22:18

YANBU. It’s funny all these men who want to be kind to their mates always expect a woman in their life to do all the hosting and provide the free food and drink.

Well done and stick to your guns.

Absolutely this!

Daffodilis · 18/12/2022 22:33

This reply has been deleted

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SnowStupid · 18/12/2022 22:34

I can't imagine saying no to that. My childhood Christmases were full of strangers. My grandad would invite anyone and everyone if he heard they would be alone. The more the merrier and those gatherings really were merry.

DS is at Uni and has a Syrian friend who is a refugee and can't go home for Christmas. I've invited him.