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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want a stranger at Christmas?

816 replies

Oneeyedreindeer · 18/12/2022 22:15

My mother and brother were due to come to my house for Christmas. I am married with 3 DC, one of who is a young baby. Last week he randomly said he has a friend from abroad coming to stay for a month and if I don’t invite him he will be alone on Christmas Day.

i explained I don’t want a stranger there and it changes the dynamics with small children/breastfeeding etc. he is insisting I could meet the friend beforehand. He is like a dog with a bone and won’t drop it and keeps bringing it up/poor friend will he all alone etc etc. I’ve been clear that if he can’t come as he needs to be with his friend that’s fine and now I feel very mean indeed. But AIBU? I just think it would be very awkward indeed and I do also think there’s an element of my brother wanting to park up for some free/food drink with his friend - he suggested bringing his games consoles “for DC to play” although DC are 4 and under.

OP posts:
whatkatydid2013 · 18/12/2022 22:34

Tothemoonandbackx · 18/12/2022 22:22

So some of you on here are completely fine with inviting a complete stranger over into your home with young children when you know zero about them.....yeah, of course you are 🤨🤨🤨🤨

Some people will be. We’ve had people we didn’t all know join us for Christmas in the past (friends of my brother from uni, someone who was couchsurfing and couldn’t fly home as planned due to an awful ear infection, parents friends goddaughter who isn’t from UK, neighbour we’d only met a few weeks ago, probably others I’ve forgotten)
We’ve also hosted couch surfers, exchange students and most recently Ukrainian refugees.
So yes people really are ok with it. It’s also ok not to be but I’m surprised anyone wouldn’t believe this is something others do

Original poster
Oneeyedreindeer · 18/12/2022 22:34

Puzzledstill · 18/12/2022 22:26

Meet him first he could be some eye candy

This made me chuckle!

OP posts:
bloodyplanes · 18/12/2022 22:34

This reply has been deleted

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HelsyQ · 18/12/2022 22:34

poefaced · 18/12/2022 22:31

No, she HAS a tiny baby that she’s breastfeeding. The baby is her arsehole brother.

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Lol oh calm down. We’ve all got babies. She’s making a mountain out of a molehill. Whole situation is pathetic. A man in a forgein country would like a bit of company at Christmas, it’s not hard not to be a dick.

poefaced · 18/12/2022 22:34

Oneeyedreindeer · 18/12/2022 22:33

not really in my house, no! Im
not faffing around covering up particularly in front of my family - it just adds a whole other level of annoyance if I’m cooking for several people and then worrying about finding a cloth to cover up for feeds
or feeling like I need to host properly rather than just family/worrying about my children behaving etc etc.

also what if this guy is weird/not someone I like?

I guess I also take umbridge with my brother’s attitude

but equally maybe it’s not in the Christmas spirit and i am being a grinch!

Show quote history

Your brother’s attitude stinks.

Don’t set a precedent, or you’ll be hosting every new friend and GF/BF for the next 10 years.

SnowStupid · 18/12/2022 22:34

SnowStupid · 18/12/2022 22:34

I can't imagine saying no to that. My childhood Christmases were full of strangers. My grandad would invite anyone and everyone if he heard they would be alone. The more the merrier and those gatherings really were merry.

DS is at Uni and has a Syrian friend who is a refugee and can't go home for Christmas. I've invited him.

Not that he celebrates Christmas, but he has nowhere to go for the holiday.

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 18/12/2022 22:34

bloodyplanes · 18/12/2022 22:29

@Shol no need to be abusive! Why does she have to sit in front on a man and feed her child? Also who says he would sit there and stare? So judgemental!

FGS women don’t have to be stared at to be uncomfortable breastfeeding in front of a stranger

Original poster
Oneeyedreindeer · 18/12/2022 22:35

bloodyplanes · 18/12/2022 22:27

@poefaced well it looks like he is going to have to! I can't imagine a member of my family excluding me from Christmas because i had a friend with me who they hadn't met, they simply wouldn't do it. Neither would i!

ok
but I would never invite a friend to Christmas at the last minute when hosted by my brother

OP posts:
girlfriend44 · 18/12/2022 22:35

SnowStupid · 18/12/2022 22:34

I can't imagine saying no to that. My childhood Christmases were full of strangers. My grandad would invite anyone and everyone if he heard they would be alone. The more the merrier and those gatherings really were merry.

DS is at Uni and has a Syrian friend who is a refugee and can't go home for Christmas. I've invited him.

Grandad sounds lovely.

HelsyQ · 18/12/2022 22:35

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 18/12/2022 22:29

I’d seriously question the safeguarding capabilities of people who let strange men into their children’s homes for the whole day because it’s more important to be kind to strangers than it is to consider the welfare of your offspring

You just don’t leave them alone together 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

bloodyplanes · 18/12/2022 22:35

Have you nothing of any value to add to the discussion?

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 18/12/2022 22:36

bloodyplanes · 18/12/2022 22:31

Hopefully lots of posters on this thread won't ever be on the receiving end of their idea of hospitality one day!

I’d never dream of imposing myself on a f silt I’ve never met on Christmas Day

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 18/12/2022 22:36

*family

Tothemoonandbackx · 18/12/2022 22:36

@DuplicateUserName don't find it difficult in the slightest 😂😂 and congratulations, it's a good thing you used your senses and didn't lock them in a room with a complete stranger, because that would be very bad indeed. But you do seem slightly confused in why some people would find it uncomfortable to let a complete stranger who they know zero about into their homes with young children. Does that clear it up a little for you???

Pothoswithasparkle · 18/12/2022 22:36

Op, I think you are sorted. There is about 5 posters who will happily take him and anyone who comes with!
Just get numbers in pm and let your brother pick one😂

bloodyplanes · 18/12/2022 22:37

@Oneeyedreindeer well I would if they had no where else to go and I know none of my family would have a problem with this!

Daffodilis · 18/12/2022 22:37

HelsyQ · 18/12/2022 22:35

You just don’t leave them alone together 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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How hilarious, be on your toes with a stranger in your home to make sure they don't harm the children, problem solved. Ffs it gets worse.

Puzzledstill · 18/12/2022 22:37

Oneeyedreindeer · 18/12/2022 22:34

This made me chuckle!

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@Oneeyedreindeer one never knows 👀🤣

girlfriend44 · 18/12/2022 22:37

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 18/12/2022 22:36

I’d never dream of imposing myself on a f silt I’ve never met on Christmas Day

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She can meet him first apparently.

Everyone's a stranger at first then you get to know them.

RosesAndHellebores · 18/12/2022 22:37

Your mum, your brother, your dh and this chap shoukd all be pitching in and helping. While your DH and your Mum take the kids out for an hour or so after lunch, your brother and his chum could wash up?

I'm sort of wondering why your mum isn't cooking Christmas Dinner at hers and inviting her dd and family and your brother and his chum. Because she's your mum and you have just had a baby.

AnnieSnap · 18/12/2022 22:37

I don’t know if YABU, but you are hardly entering into the spirit of Christmas. What kind of person would leave anyone alone on Christmas Day when they could allow them to join them for a few hours? You will have plenty of days throughout the year to be alone with your family!

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 18/12/2022 22:38

SnowStupid · 18/12/2022 22:34

I can't imagine saying no to that. My childhood Christmases were full of strangers. My grandad would invite anyone and everyone if he heard they would be alone. The more the merrier and those gatherings really were merry.

DS is at Uni and has a Syrian friend who is a refugee and can't go home for Christmas. I've invited him.

Presumably with a Uni aged son you aren’t breastfeeding a baby then?

Original poster
Oneeyedreindeer · 18/12/2022 22:38

HelsyQ · 18/12/2022 22:34

Lol oh calm down. We’ve all got babies. She’s making a mountain out of a molehill. Whole situation is pathetic. A man in a forgein country would like a bit of company at Christmas, it’s not hard not to be a dick.

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Hey there’s no need to be aggressive. My brother is very capable of hosting his own friend. Is he not?

OP posts:
HelsyQ · 18/12/2022 22:39

Daffodilis · 18/12/2022 22:37

How hilarious, be on your toes with a stranger in your home to make sure they don't harm the children, problem solved. Ffs it gets worse.

Show quote history

Be on your toes? The house is full with people it’s Xmas day. Omg lol get into reality.

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 18/12/2022 22:39

This reply has been deleted

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No the brother is actively leaving his friend out. This important friend who he’s happy to drive on Christmas Day rather than host himself.

Also this is not some poor refugee it’s a bloke on holiday who CHOSE to e away from home over Christmas.

Why do OP’s feelings not matter here?