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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can't cope with constant intrusion by new neighbour

407 replies

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 18/12/2022 19:56

Earlier thread below for context and latest missive from neighbour.

I was not feeling well yesterday and went to bed. When I got up I went out to a friend's house to watch Strictly, a film and chat. I left 2.30am and had to scrape the windscreen. Home in the wee small hours and went to bed.

Neighbour had texted me saying she'd come to ask me to move my car because it was in the way. It wasn't and as I went out it was immaterial anyway.

Today I get another text from her about me allegedly banging my door. I do not slam doors. I arrived home in the early hours and closed the door of course but I don't slam it.

She told me when she moved in that her neighbours slammed the doors. It's odd that the common denominator is her.

I've lived here for years and since she moved here in September I'm anxious all the time.

I think she thrives on attention so I'm not replying to her.

Apart from being considerate with noise what would you do?

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4661796-next-door-neighbour-and-normal-volume-of-household-noise-sorry-a-bit-of-a-saga?page=5&reply=122372236

OP posts:
Sickofcoughing · 18/12/2022 20:26

I would stop engaging with her individual demands and say something like "neighbour, I work long hours and really see my home as a sanctuary. I find notes about petty matters and constant interruptions quite stressful." Then avoid any conversation.

I'm always shocked at how demanding some neighbours on these threads seem to be. The replies on your thread are ridiculous.

Why shouldn't you use your own washing machine or vacuum your house?

My NDNs on both sides make way more noise than that, I wouldn't dream of making a fuss. We are all trying to get on with life. If you can't stand noise then go and live in the remote countryside. It's just weird.

The one and only time I dropped into the neighbour was when there was a strong chemical smell and I had a bad headache as a result. We investigated it together.

W0tnow · 18/12/2022 20:26

I just read your last thread. Ignore. Continue to use your washing machine and vacuum as usual. If she messages about the door again simply respond “I don’t bang my door, I close it.”

You’re going to have to be curt with her.

RandomMess · 18/12/2022 20:30

Just block her number so you don't receive the messages anymore?

MyBooksAndMyCats · 18/12/2022 20:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

EscapeRoomToTheSun · 18/12/2022 20:34

Tell her to fuck off and stop bothering you. I don't think she'll escalate, she's carrying on because you're pandering to her.

ColdHandsHotHead · 18/12/2022 20:36

She's trying to get attention. Probably bored or lonely. I would block her. She might want company, but complaining about trivial things isn't the way to make friends.

LimeTwists · 18/12/2022 20:39

I’d say ‘please could you only text me in emergencies?’ I would then ignore absolutely everything which falls outside of this. See how that goes before blocking as you may need her in your own emergency so it’s best not to have a complete fall out. She sounds irritating though.

gamerchick · 18/12/2022 20:41

Always boggles my head that people give their numbers out to neighbours. I havent ever, it's not worth it.

Wishihadanalgorithm · 18/12/2022 20:45

Block her. Ignore her when you see her in the street/garden. Do not engage. Ever.

Original poster
ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 18/12/2022 20:50

Wishihadanalgorithm · 18/12/2022 20:45

Block her. Ignore her when you see her in the street/garden. Do not engage. Ever.

It's a big mistake I made early on. I felt so terrible the first time she moaned about me having music on loudly (she came and knocked on the door in her pyjamas at 11.15) I gave her the number in case anything cropped up again. It was a kneejerk reaction on my part and I didn't realise what she was like. Now she messages me about the windows, the dustbin, the cars, just about any old thing. I am going to have to block her.

OP posts:
thewinterwitch · 18/12/2022 20:55

Yes, you are going to have to block her. Do it now. She won't change, but you can change your boundaries with her.

JoyBeorge · 18/12/2022 21:11

From your link she seems to have started trying to control the activity of people around her the moment she moved in. It does seem passive controlling behaviour on her part. I think also people mentioned right at the beginning how this was going to pan out that people who are over sensitive to noise often try to control the slightest noise around them as soon as they move into a new property? That's what seems to be happening. She doesn't really need your mobile number, block her. Disengage and stop pandering to her. She already has you living like a nervous wreck tip toeing about in your own home and that is seriously wrong. She's controlling you and it will only get worse, this is how harassment starts. I just wouldn't be engaging with her full stop. Ignore the texts and when you see her outside pretend you're late and can't stop then just rush off. I think because you were so accomodating at the start, she's now using it to control you and this is not normal. Admitting you made a noise and you're sorry shouldn't escalate to her texting to complain about every sound you make. When she told you right at the start about her issues with other people making noise where she lived before it sounded like now she's left that behind she wants to make sure nobody makes any noise around her in her new home. I'm short she needs to fuck off and mind her business. If it doesn't stop you're going to have to think about getting a solicitor to have firm words that you are not making unreasonable noise and she needs to stop harassing you.

MadameMackenzie · 18/12/2022 21:12

But you posted this on your other thread earlier? This sounds like a perfectly reasonable request! Why would she lie about being woken up & not being able to get back to sleep!?

Can't cope with constant intrusion by new neighbour
MadameMackenzie · 18/12/2022 21:12

I don't think you realise how loud you are, if you're banging doors shut at 3am. Perhaps get your hearing checked????

Original poster
ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 18/12/2022 21:13

MadameMackenzie · 18/12/2022 21:12

I don't think you realise how loud you are, if you're banging doors shut at 3am. Perhaps get your hearing checked????

I don't think you have read my post properly, have you?

OP posts:
JoyBeorge · 18/12/2022 21:14

MadameMackenzie · 18/12/2022 21:12

But you posted this on your other thread earlier? This sounds like a perfectly reasonable request! Why would she lie about being woken up & not being able to get back to sleep!?

Do your neighbours text you things like this because they can't get back to sleep?

JoyBeorge · 18/12/2022 21:18

MadameMackenzie · 18/12/2022 21:12

I don't think you realise how loud you are, if you're banging doors shut at 3am. Perhaps get your hearing checked????

I don't think you've read the thread. Perhaps get your comprehension checked????

Original poster
ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 18/12/2022 21:18

JoyBeorge · 18/12/2022 21:14

Do your neighbours text you things like this because they can't get back to sleep?

Show quote history

I bought this house 15 years ago. There have been four different occupants there before her and not one of them has ever complained about noise, ever.

@MadameMackenzie didn't read my OP properly where I made it absolutely clear I closed the door, did not bang it. How do I know she wasn't already awake? God knows what she's doing next door. She could have been lying awake already.

OP posts:
Name99 · 18/12/2022 21:18

JoyBeorge · 18/12/2022 21:14

Do your neighbours text you things like this because they can't get back to sleep?

Show quote history

Yes, we've read the many posts and many threads you need to tell her to stop poking her nose in and block her or it will never end.
You can put a stop to this, stop engaging with her

Name99 · 18/12/2022 21:19

Its quoted the wrong post

LIZS · 18/12/2022 21:24

If that was when you came in clearly it was loud enough to wake her. It may not be the noise level but vibration. Is her bedroom closer to your door?

JRHartley72 · 18/12/2022 21:25

Yes it's annoying when a neighbour complains, but what makes you think you're not being a noise nuisance? You might not think you've banged the door but even if you're just pulling it shut in the early hours the sound probably echoes in the silence and it would be enough to wake her. I've just read your previous thread as well – who has their TV on volume 24 late at night?! If you can't follow the dialogue, put subtitles on!

Original poster
ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 18/12/2022 21:25

LIZS · 18/12/2022 21:24

If that was when you came in clearly it was loud enough to wake her. It may not be the noise level but vibration. Is her bedroom closer to your door?

I came in the front door. She sleeps in the bedroom at the back of the house so no.

OP posts:
Original poster
ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 18/12/2022 21:26

JRHartley72 · 18/12/2022 21:25

Yes it's annoying when a neighbour complains, but what makes you think you're not being a noise nuisance? You might not think you've banged the door but even if you're just pulling it shut in the early hours the sound probably echoes in the silence and it would be enough to wake her. I've just read your previous thread as well – who has their TV on volume 24 late at night?! If you can't follow the dialogue, put subtitles on!

You're about three threads behind about the TV noise level.

OP posts:
JRHartley72 · 18/12/2022 21:28

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 18/12/2022 21:26

You're about three threads behind about the TV noise level.

Show quote history

I've read it all and yes you've turned it down now, but it sounds like you are a bit desensitised to noise in general, so you could be a lot louder than you think you are. There really is nothing worse than a noisy neighbour.