Can't cope with constant intrusion by new neighbour

[ImJustMadAboutSaffron]

Earlier thread below for context and latest missive from neighbour.

I was not feeling well yesterday and went to bed. When I got up I went out to a friend's house to watch Strictly, a film and chat. I left 2.30am and had to scrape the windscreen. Home in the wee small hours and went to bed.

Neighbour had texted me saying she'd come to ask me to move my car because it was in the way. It wasn't and as I went out it was immaterial anyway.

Today I get another text from her about me allegedly banging my door. I do not slam doors. I arrived home in the early hours and closed the door of course but I don't slam it.

She told me when she moved in that her neighbours slammed the doors. It's odd that the common denominator is her.

I've lived here for years and since she moved here in September I'm anxious all the time.

I think she thrives on attention so I'm not replying to her.

Apart from being considerate with noise what would you do?

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4661796-next-door-neighbour-and-normal-volume-of-household-noise-sorry-a-bit-of-a-saga?page=5&reply=122372236

I had a neighbour who was exactly like this (to the point where I'm wondering if it was the same person). In the four years she lived above me she:

• Tried to get me to pay for an expensive appliance to be added to her boiler because of noise in her water pipes which allegedly caused her "distress" (and she tried to claim it was originating in my house
• Endlessly texted me about total trivia (a small pebble which was near the fence which divided my garden allegedly had to be removed urgently because it was going to break the fence).
• Endless texts about rubbish in her bins, none of which had anything to do with me
• Demanding that I mow my lawn every four weeks
• Wrote to the council to complain about "noise pollution" because my front door had accidentally banged shut a couple of times during the day (I had a then eight year old)
• Claimed that I was fly-tipping in her bin, called me at work a half dozen times to ask me to leave work in the middle of the day remove an empty black bin liner which I was supposed to have put there (it had nothing to do with me)
• Then wrote to the council about it when I finally put my foot down and said I wasn't dealing with it
• Called the council because I had a bonfire once at the end of my garden
• Start slagging me off on the street WhatsApp over said bin issue
• Installed close-circuit TV overlooking my back garden to "prove" I was damaging her fence

It became seriously anxiety inducing. For years I lived in fear of what she was going to complain about next to the council.

The thing that finally got her off my back was robust text message saying that if I had one more communication from her about things which weren't my probem I was going to report her to the police for harassment. That got rid of her and I'm delighted that she has now moved out.

You can't mess about with these people. It becomes an obsession and a personal vendetta and politeness and passivity won't work. It's harassment and its not acceptable and they need to be made aware that their neurosis is not going to become your problem.

There really is nothing worse than a noisy neighbour.

Yes there is.

And I am not a noisy neighbour.

I had the TV on loud one evening months ago (it was a radio show, actually, nothing to do with subtitles) and it has never been that loud since.

I came home late this morning and closed (not banged) my front door.

So you say. She's saying differently, yet you won't entertain for a second that she might have a point. She's wrong and awful, you are quiet and perfect. Nothing I've read in any of your posts suggests she's some kind of weird obsessive though, you just don't like that she's being upfront in tackling you.

Rather than arguing with dingbats that you are not a noisy neighbour and that she is an unreasonable neighbour (I believe you!), and saying you are going to have to block her.... weeks pass... Just block her!

If you want to comment, it would be good that you have the whole picture, don't you think? If so read the whole thread(s).

Why are you being so confrontational towards me, and assuming I am lying? And why are you saying I am quiet and perfect? I have never said that I am.

I conceded she had a point about the TV being loud three months ago and turned it down and it has never been that volume since.

She does NOT have a point when she is texting me irrelevancies about the window cleaner, telling me she has put my bin out unasked for, talking about her family being bitches, asking personal and intrusive questions and making passive aggressive digs over a period of three months.

She also does NOT have a point about me slamming the door, because I know that I didn't.

May be I'm dramatic but I'd be calling that harassment.

Is that to @Thepeopleversuswork? That neighbour is crazy. I have a friend who is a police officer, I am going to contact her about this for advice just in case she does report me for anything. The intrusion from her is far more than about noise.

Just a saddo with absolutely FA else to do. These aren't complaints, they are just attention seeking.

Do you know that last people who lived in your house? Have you any way of contacting them to see if there is a pattern with this stuff?

Unless you have reason to be scared for your safety I would just ignore her, there may be MH issues and she's latched onto you unfortunately. If it continues, it will cross the line into harassment and you might need to ask the police to have a word with her.

She is the newbie on the street, not me. I have lived here since 2007. She arrived towards the end of September. There have never ever been any complaints about me being noisy, parking my car where I shouldn't, or anything. There have been four different occupants before her in the house, too, and no issues with any of them.

She, however, told me at length as soon as she moved in that her previous neighbours were "noisy arseholes" and couldn't close a door properly and were always slamming them.

Ugh 😑 I barely speak to my neighbours let alone have my phone number! Block her

OP you are asking people to read all your threads but you keep starting new ones every time you have a falling out with your neighbour.

People may have just read this one as they have come across it and not realised that this is an ongoing saga

Why do you keep starting new ones and not just add to your existing threads? Would give people the full picture

I have read all your threads and I do think in all of them that YABU and don’t realise how loud you are being. First the tv, then doing washing and hoovering at unsociable hours and now this

People close car doors at all different times, your neighbour needs to calm down. If one of my neighbours woke me up shutting their door I wouldn’t dream of saying anything if it was a one off like this. If she’s so sensitive to noise maybe she should do something for herself like getting earplugs. What would she do if someone else parked nearby or got out of a cab closing a door?

I have read all the threads and am offering my opinion. I didn't think I was being confrontational, I'm sorry if that's how I am coming across, but I guess it's a bit like you thinking you're not being noisy?

And actually I agree the rest must be annoying. You should be able to step outside your house without being bothered. Just don't reply to the texts and don't engage in conversation.

Sorry I read your post wrong, I thought she was there when you arrived.

Still would be interesting to speak to her old neighbours if you knew where it was! Or the community police officers might say 'oh yes' when you mention her name...

Maybe if you’ve had four new neighbours in that house since 2007 the problem is you and they were too polite to say anything and just moved. We moved rather than get into conflict as we knew she wouldn’t do anything… although she was a twat with a hot tub in terraced house so clearly not considerate.

It is harassment. I got legal advice from someone who had previously worked for CAB and was told that it's a pattern of behaviour. On their own, not all of the things she had done would amount to harassment but all together it creates a picture of an individual who makes unreasonable demands and seeks to control someone else's life.

I would start noting this stuff down. It's a good way to establish if she is really harassing you or if she's just lonely. And if it does go on and escalate the more evidence you have, the stronger your position will be.

I kept all the (painful) emails and texts I had been sent by her with demands of various kinds.

The thing that stopped me pushing the nuclear button on her was that someone told me you have to declare neighbour disputes when you put your property on the market. Then about six months after the final ultimatum from me she moved out and is no doubt making someone else's life hell over absolute trivia

I'm also surprised by some of the replies. You're perfectly entitled to make normal daily noise in your own home - listening to the TV, running the washing machine etc. In fact if you live alone and are out most of the day that's pretty lucky for her from a neighbour perspective! She could have a screaming baby next door.

I think I'd reply to say you're sorry that she's finding the acoustics of the houses an issue. You always try to be considerate and have lived here for x years without any noise issues. However, obviously living in such close proximity you are both always going to hear sounds of neighbours' daily living and you aren't able to change your daily routine. You'd suggest if the noise is a real issue for her she investigate sound proofing on her side.

And turn your TV back up to comfortable listening volume!

I've had four different neighbours in the house next door since 2007 because the owner rents it out. Nothing whatsoever to do with me. Stop being silly.

The first thing the police will do is ask what steps you have taken. You haven't asked her to stop, you haven't blocked her, you haven't done anything to stop it. Your neighbour probably has no idea that you're annoyed with her.

I don't mean contact the police to complain about her being intrusive. I mean to find out what I should do if she complains about me like a PP's NDN did.

I've lived in an upstairs flat above a neighbour like yours. Stop being polite and just tell her to stop contacting you. Even if you did slam a door once or make some noise it's normal living and if she doesn't like it she should move.

Yes I agree with @slashlover

The police always advise telling the person once clearly to stop. It's why I suggested upthread to say the interruptions are stressful. I think on reflection you should make it even plainer and don't justify it.

"I find the ongoing requests
and petty demands disruptive and stressful. Please only contact me in an emergency."

She is interfering with your peaceful home life. Take control back instead of passively blocking and hoping she won't knock on the door or send more notes.

Why has your (new) neighbour even got your number?

I've lived on my street for twelve years and my neighbour's don't even know my surname

Block her, it's SO simple

Exactly this - I’ve lived in the same house for 27 years and have never given my number to any of my neighbours.

The council will contact you, if she continues to complain then they may install noise monitoring equipment in her house which will show any noise you do make.