Can't cope with constant intrusion by new neighbour

[ImJustMadAboutSaffron]

Earlier thread below for context and latest missive from neighbour.

I was not feeling well yesterday and went to bed. When I got up I went out to a friend's house to watch Strictly, a film and chat. I left 2.30am and had to scrape the windscreen. Home in the wee small hours and went to bed.

Neighbour had texted me saying she'd come to ask me to move my car because it was in the way. It wasn't and as I went out it was immaterial anyway.

Today I get another text from her about me allegedly banging my door. I do not slam doors. I arrived home in the early hours and closed the door of course but I don't slam it.

She told me when she moved in that her neighbours slammed the doors. It's odd that the common denominator is her.

I've lived here for years and since she moved here in September I'm anxious all the time.

I think she thrives on attention so I'm not replying to her.

Apart from being considerate with noise what would you do?

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4661796-next-door-neighbour-and-normal-volume-of-household-noise-sorry-a-bit-of-a-saga?page=5&reply=122372236

Why does she even have your phone number?

I've explained up thread why I gave her my number. It was as soon as she moved in, when she had been here less than a week, and she came round in her nightwear at 11.15pm to tell me my TV was too loud. I had no reason to believe she was going to be difficult at that stage. Next morning she stopped me to apologise for being OTT. I told her it was fine, but instead of coming round she might like to have the number to text me. I felt guilty about waking her and didn't want to get off on the wrong foot. That was about 12 weeks ago. Since then I've had:

Texts telling me she has put my dustbin out

Texts telling me her window cleaning friend has asked to clean my windows and do I want to meet her landscape gardener friend

A text saying she took in my Zooplus parcel (Zooplus have now been told not to leave parcels there)

Several instances (in double figures) of doorstepping me to talk about noise in general, her horrible previous neighbours, her terrible family, her dislike of any form of noise, how quiet she is, her dreadful exes, how she doesn't want a man, how she hates pets, how lonely she is, discussing where I park and where the man next door to me parks, telling me she doesn't get involved with neighbours but sends the child across the road a birthday card with £20 in when she doesn't really know them, asking me intrusive and personal questions. All instances that add up to a weird mix as a whole.

Giving her my phone number was a big mistake. No other neighbours have it, except a woman around the corner who is actually a friend.

Putting a wash on at 6 or hoovering at 9 isn't antisocial. It's not like drilling into walls at 3am!
People who can't abide any noise, have no business living next door to other houses!
I think it's okay to ask for the odd thing from neighbours but if they are getting irritated by every little normal thing that their neighbour does, then they need to buy a house in a field in the arse end of nowhere!

But honestly OP, you should have blocked her already!

@ImJustMadAboutSaffron apologies, I didn’t get round to reading all your posts so I must have missed that.

The fact that you offered your number as a gesture of goodwill and she’s literally bombarding you is so ridiculous. Just block her, she’ll just continue yapping on unnecessary

She's latched onto you because you were compliant. Most people probably avoid her if she's that clingy normally, but she thinks she's got her teeth into you. You know what you need to do.

You are going to have to shut this shit down because I promise it will get worse.
I would block her, stop answering the door to her, don't stop and talk to her and carry on living my life in a perfectly reasonable way.

I see that you are intending to block her number which is a good idea as she has abused it. I think a message along the lines of "I regret giving you my number now as it was only intended for emergencies, not for trivial things and general questions. As I am finding your constant messaging intrusive and stressful, I am going to block your number now."

Yes this is a good way to deal with it.

I wouldn't bother telling her you're going to block her. Just keep it short and to the point. You don't want her to contact you anymore. Then block her. If she knocks just ignore her and if you bump into her outside pretend you're late for something and rush off. You have insight of how it got like this, now the task is to stop it. It isn't unusual for people who have had problems elsewhere to try and control the activity of people around them when they move. A lot of it will be her own anxiety because it was so bad at the old house they are desperate not to have to suffer that again, but they go too far and become a nuisance themselves. I've seen this before.

Yes the choice of words is interesting. She was talking to me on the doorstep once about her previous neighbours slamming the door and she had to show them how to shut the door quietly which she always did "as that's how I was brought up" which sort of implies I've been badly brought up because she reckons I've been banging my door for weeks.

Some ideas I have thought but are not really genuine suggestions unless they work that is

Text here back as much but in a OTT way, like keep her up to date with her comings and goings, or even yours

Hang the washing naked?

Get a friend to come over and get them to help hercbringcher shopping, in check if she is getting a parcel anything elector can think of

I had the radio on through the TV, which is downstairs, whilst I was working upstairs, and I turned it up so I could hear it. I've done this before but the previous neighbour never said anything so I was not aware it was a problem. I live in a mid terrace and the TV is on the wall that joins to her house. She also told me it was loud last week (this I'm not sure about, as I only watched it one evening and I was sitting in front of it).

Read this and previous threads. It does sound as a PP said that you might be unintentionally noisy. The radio playing through the TV downstairs so you could hear it upstairs must've been v. loud! Maybe ex-neighbour was at work during the hours you previously did it?

But that doesn't justify her being a pest the rest of the time. Block her number and cold shoulder her when you see her out.

Thank you for all your comments. I've had a chat with my police officer friend about this. She's told me to carry on as normal, block her (but then she might start putting notes through the door or knocking on it), do take care not to make excessive noise though, avoid her as much as possible, make a note of uncomfortable interactions with her in a diary to prove her behaviour (which I have recorded on here, actually, with dates) if I ever need to, and has confirmed everyone is entitled to make some normal level of noise in their own house, not to excess or at silly times. My friend says she can hear her neighbours pulling the toilet paper and having a wee!

She also says that the council probably wouldn't get involved as I own my property and the police wouldn't either.

So yes, she says the same as most posters have on here. She also thinks that whatever steps I take won't be enough for the NDN!

Your friend is spot on about everything. Yes, nothing will ever be enough for her, and normal daytime noise is not a criminal offence. I also have the anxiety you talk about if I drop something on the floor, or I need to use the hoover etc. It's not normal that someone should be making you worry about these things, but you can only control your own response, and that should be to carry on as you were - good luck!

Oh yes, and the passive aggressive comments. My neighbour always says that I'm walking on my heels, clomping around. I don't at all, I'm a dancer in my spare time and fairly confident I've got a very light step, but these kinds of comments are made to manipulate you. I very much sympathise, I know how much these toxic people can drag you down.

Have you blocked her OP?

@Zooeyzo sorry only just seen this… tell me about it I was a prisoner in my own home because of murph the dog 😂

Doesn't help you now, but I have always had minimal contact with neighbours, I'm polite, will occasionally take in a parcel, but that's it. I have a printed sign on my front door asking couriers not to leave parcels with neighbours. As a linked anecdote, my grandson was at my house, couldn't park directly outside my house as there was a car parked opposite, so he parked outside neighbours on the left. The neighbour came and knocked on my door and asked 19 yr old grandson to move his car, saying he had friends coming who would need to park there. Grandson told him he was parked legally, so would not move his car. The neighbour pushed him into his hedge ffs. A grown man doing that to an innocent teenager! That's why I don't have anything to do with neighbours! I was out, so could not intervene, but my son went round to speak to him, neighbour was out, but his dad was there and said the neighbour's wife had died a month previously. That took the wind out of our sails. I told grandson that didn't make it ok for him to assault him, but gave an indication of why he may have done it.

Big drama tonight. Five of my cats stole brisket and caramelized onions. Onions are highly toxic to cats and they needed urgent vet treatment that cost me £600+. They had an emetic injection and now need liquid charcoal every 4hours. Imagine the mess in my kitchen trying to syringe half a handful of that down each cat. My pyjamas are wrecked and it's all over the kitchen. Its almost 3 in the morning.

My friend came over to help me with them and lend me cat carriers (I normally use a mobile vet so only have two carriers). This was 11pm. My friend pulled up outside and came in, wrestled with the moggies and ferried them to the car. We had to make some normal noise but didn't shout or slam any doors. We were two hours at the vet.

But my NDN was at the landing window pulling back the curtains when we set off. She goes to bed about 8pm so clearly this had woken her up. We did not make a racket but we had open and close the door a few times.

I'm dreading a tirade from her. I could have had five poisoned cats if I hadn't got them to the vet.

To be blunt, fuck her, OP.
Nobody in their right mind would rather have cats dying then you silently going on to save them. If I were your neighbor I would have driven you to the vet myself.
I hope you and your cats are ok now.
And if she wants to complain, ignore her.

How many cats do you have?!

You have to make your feelings known before you block her.

Lots of good suggestions on here.

I've been in your position. You need to be very firm, then block and never engage again.

If she says anything just respond with 'I had to take my cats to the vets due to an emergency, there was no slamming doors or raised voices, just normal household noise. Can I suggest if you want complete silence you move to a rural area and a detached house. Please don't contact me again unless it's an emergency.

Six.

She goes to bed at 8pm? Children playing in the street will wake her in the summer months, ffs.

What an odd-sounding woman.

I'm glad your cats are ok but jeez what a kicker of a bill to be hit with three days before Christmas. Our silly little kitten bit through the Christmas tree light cable last week, but that was only £20 to replace (the lights I mean, he was fine).

I really scratch my head at all these anal-sounding neighbours that come out shouting at people when a removal van parks before their house, or a baby touches something in their garden, or someone closes a car boot after darkness. What a lot of sad bastards there are in this country.