Can't cope with constant intrusion by new neighbour

[ImJustMadAboutSaffron]

Earlier thread below for context and latest missive from neighbour.

I was not feeling well yesterday and went to bed. When I got up I went out to a friend's house to watch Strictly, a film and chat. I left 2.30am and had to scrape the windscreen. Home in the wee small hours and went to bed.

Neighbour had texted me saying she'd come to ask me to move my car because it was in the way. It wasn't and as I went out it was immaterial anyway.

Today I get another text from her about me allegedly banging my door. I do not slam doors. I arrived home in the early hours and closed the door of course but I don't slam it.

She told me when she moved in that her neighbours slammed the doors. It's odd that the common denominator is her.

I've lived here for years and since she moved here in September I'm anxious all the time.

I think she thrives on attention so I'm not replying to her.

Apart from being considerate with noise what would you do?

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4661796-next-door-neighbour-and-normal-volume-of-household-noise-sorry-a-bit-of-a-saga?page=5&reply=122372236

Is today the day for your creative writing class? That's an impressive piece of nonsense you've just vomited on the page.

I'm out. This has turned into one of those sycophantic threads where the OP can do no wrong. If you don't want people to question your account with good reason, don't post in AIBU.

Ok, Hector the Sealion.

Don't feed the neighbours! Block her from phone and mind.

I think I'd have to ask her why she came round to ask you to move a car that wasn't there.

It was there! I was in bed when she called. I then went out and saw her message whilst I was out.

Op you are allowing this

its pretty normal to wake up when people in the street return home even if quiet

I hear a taxi pulling up for example and it’ll wake me - the fact I can’t get to sleep again doesn’t make it anyone else’s fault

she’s being stupid if you want your tv on loud, music etc and even banging doors - all perfectly legal and wouldn’t be breaking any sound rules

it takes a lot more than that!

Stop replying to her full stop as you are giving attention

I hope you're proud to learn that you can do no wrong OP.
I'm getting the craft kit out to make you a Special Badge.

Its arrival will be offically announced by a 22 gun salute, followed by a bagpipe-playing marching band who will hand-deliver it to your door.
Woe betide any noise complainants.

I'm out. This has turned into one of those sycophantic threads where the OP can do no wrong. If you don't want people to question your account with good reason, don't post in AIBU.

Is that what you call a thread when posters don't agree with you?

Are you going to block her or not?

I think this was the best response suggested
before upping it
I would stop engaging with her individual demands and say something like "neighbour, I work long hours and really see my home as a sanctuary. I find notes about petty matters and constant interruptions quite stressful."

I'd add
..Please can you stop texting me, putting notes through my door or banging on my front door. I gave you my number for emergencies only and this is too much"

^Please stop sending me notes.
Thanks
Saffron^

And block texts.

Crack on.

Even better

Or "please stop texting me, sending me notes or banging in my door. No more please "

It then covers enough that you can say you asked her to stop (without having to say or it's harassment)

There is a clear winner for Thread Tosser and unfortunately despite this great effort you didn't make the cut (but don't be disheartened, the standard was particularly high).

However these type of posts crop up every single thread and I think they annoy me more than anything else on MN.

"I know this is your real life OP and actions have real consequences but we took 10 seconds ordering you to do what we would do so why haven't you immediately actioned it?"

OP is looking for somewhere to vent and also get alternative viewpoints. She can digest those before deciding her next step.

As an aside there is not a unanimous response to block her.

Yes, to those who've asked, I am going to block her but not until I've sent her a final message, and I need to focus on work today.

Interesting though isn't it that when I was in my bedroom on Saturday afternoon (and I had the bedroom and landing door open) that I couldn't hear her knocking on the front door, but she says she clearly heard me come in at 3am on Sunday morning. Her bedroom is in the same place as mine. The houses are the same layout.

My neighbour and I have each other's numbers. I can't recall why we first exchanged numbers, but it's proved quite handy, eg she texted me the other day to tell me my car door wasn't properly closed, and I texted her to let her know I had a parcel for her.

But she's not a batshit moaner, and neither am I.

I'd tell this woman that her constant messages and unfounded complaints are intrusive and ask her to stop bothering you unless it's a genuine emergency. If she persists with this bollocks, then block her.

She sounds very strange.

The only time I would even consider complaining would be if neighbours were partying late on a work night and keeping us awake. I've never actually had to do it.

I can't believe anyone thinks it's reasonable to complain about you walking into your own house, washing your clothes or vacuuming your carpet.

To give an example of another end of the spectrum, my mum once got a call to say her alarm was going off. She has a very loud house alarm. She was away (in the country) for a long weekend and decided there was nothing she could do about it. There was plenty she could have done.

I remember calling over the day she was returning and when I turned onto her road and was approaching the house I could hear the siren. I had to park the car away from the house till she returned. She walked into the house (this was three days after the call) to find an anonymous note from a neighbour saying it was most unfair, she had been looking forward to spending the BH weekend in her garden and it was ruined. My mother was highly offended by this!!! I couldn't believe how rude my mother was (but she is irresponsible in the extreme). She was adamant there was nothing she could have done. Your NDN would need to be sedated I'd imagine.

@Bluekerfuffle

So many people on MN seem to have their neighbours numbers and be texting back and forth even when they don’t seem to like each other that much. I’ve never been asked for or offered my number to a neighbour either.

There's nothing intrinsically weird or wrong about exchanging phone numbers with your neighbours. I have numbers for four or five of my near neighbours and tbh its quite hard to avoid sometimes: there's a need to communicate around routine things like garden maintenance, hazards in the street etc.

It's only a problem if relations break down with a particular neighbour. But the idea that everyone should strenuously avoid communicating with their neighbours in normal times is in itself quite weird.

I don't text back and forth with her, either. Every single exchange has been instigated by her.

How would she have known you came home so late if you didn't wake her up? I very much doubt she's sat at the window waiting so she can text you. I think you are unintentionally loud and have had neighbours who haven't said anything previously - my neighbours are loud but it doesn't bother me so I have never confronted them. The text seems polite enough

I agree she did know I came home late because she was awake at some point. I am not saying she is lying. Sitting at the window would achieve nothing as her bedroom looks over the back.

The text is designed to cause anxiety - saying she's been meaning to say something for weeks is just a dig to passively aggressively unsettle. She's seen me several times over the past few weeks when she's messaged me about windows, dustbins, taking in a parcel. She's very outspoken and would have said something if this had been going on for weeks.

I unlocked my door to get in my house. I closed the door. I did not slam it - I don't do that because of the damage it would cause to door/door frame.

I think she is oversensitive. Apparently her previous neighbours were too loud for her too. Perhaps she needs to get earmuffs and soundproof her house?

The emails of all residents of the building are on the apartment mailing list which is used by residents to communicate with each other, I haven't given my number to anyone and am not 'texting back and forth even when they don't seem to like each other'.

The text is designed to cause anxiety - saying she's been meaning to say something for weeks is just a dig to passively aggressively unsettle.
Yes, I had the same kind of phrasing in the message I received from my neighbour, that she had been 'biting her lip' for months over the noise, it's meant to make her look like the reasonable one, but also a warning that her anger is bubbling over so you'd better comply. Don't doubt yourself about the noise, I can guarantee you it's all her. But you need to confront her about it, don't worry about falling out, that's actually better than this.

I always think the same thing!!

My mum has lived in the same flat all my life (so 23 years) and it’s only last year that she gave her number to a neighbour to be put in a groupchat with other neighbours. This is all because they were trying to get another disruptive neighbour to leave and they had involvement with the courts etc. If that never happened then my mum still wouldn’t have anyone’s number!

It’s great to be friendly with your neighbours and have a relationship where you can knock on each other’s door for whatever reason but I really don’t see why you have to have your neighbours number?

I'm with OP. There is nothing worse than a crazy neighbour. Doesn't matter that others might not see it, OP does and it is affecting her quality of life. It would be different if the issues were really important and affecting neighbour, but they are not and from what I read are ordinary day to day activities.

It can be very intimidating, irritating, frightening even when a neighbour tries to bully you or take over your life. It can happen to the strongest of people too. Bullies know how to do it and who to target.

I had an experience too of a similar thing. It wasn't every day or all day either, just one thing. I placed a small trellis on top of my wall outside the back door. About 8 inches high or something. It was to grow that lovely jasmine and get its heavenly scent on a Summer evening. Anyway.... no sooner had I got the trellis up (on MY side of the wall) that neighbour knocked in and went ballistic. That trellis was a security risk (yes..) thieves could use it to access her back garden/door. Reader it was so flimsy it could barely hold a wire for the jasmine. I lived alone and was a target. I was so shocked I was shaking. Only a young one at the time and not that experienced of difficult neighbours. Anyway, I didn't do anything at first, stewed on it, cried over it, the works. Then I got angry. How dare they tell me what to do in my own garden.

Next day I called in. I said firmly that I would not be taking down the trellis, and they were NEVER again to try to bully me just because I was on my own, and their security was THEIR problem. Goodnight now.

I was so shocked when male of the species called next day and apologised. I can't remember what he said, but that was the end of it, and we are the best of neighbours (not friends) now.

It's not easy believe me, but you gotta stand up to these people.

@ImJustMadAboutSaffron

I don't text back and forth with her, either. Every single exchange has been instigated by her.

No of course. But some people are arguing that its weird to have contact details for any neighbours which I think is a bit daft.

Also OP, you said she moved into her house in September. So you’ve only known her for three months, why do you need each other’s number?

I’d just block her or completely change my number and never give it again