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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sitting with my dying dad - this is so unfair

283 replies

thegreenlight · 16/12/2022 20:41

Just that - it’s so cruel. My mum and I just have to sit here and wait for everything to fail. He was given 24-48 hours yesterday. It’s torture.

OP posts:
StrictlyCandelabra · 16/12/2022 20:42

I’m so sorry. Sending you hugs.

cantba · 16/12/2022 20:42

Sorry for you. Its rubbish.

stayathomer · 16/12/2022 20:43

I’m so sorry, it’s good he has you with him, take care of yourself

ExtraOnions · 16/12/2022 20:43

It’s horrible isn’t it … I did the same thing, I don’t know how to describe it, sad, exhausted, frustrated, sick …

That wait, you have my full sympathy

Cherrysherbet · 16/12/2022 20:45

I’m so sorry. I’ve been where you are now. It’s absolute hell. 💐

JoyBeorge · 16/12/2022 20:46

I've sat there too. I'm so sorry. x

ImJustNotMeAnymore · 16/12/2022 20:46

I'm so sorry 😢 sending gentle hugs and strength to try to help get you through 💐💐

GrumpyPanda · 16/12/2022 20:47

At least you get to be there. My dad died in the ICU this summer and we got half an hour a day, one person - two in our case because my mother has impaired mobility. Not that he was very responsive towards the end, just agitated. So hard when you hold their hand and aren't even sure they still perceive it. Thinking of you OP.

MarshaMelrose · 16/12/2022 20:49

I've had to wait like that too. I'm so very sorry you find yourself in this situation. Hugs to you, your dad and your mum. x

ifonly4 · 16/12/2022 20:50

OP, so feel for you, can't be easy. Do you want to tell us anything about him?

CombatBarbie · 16/12/2022 20:50

I am so sorry xxx
Spiritually though, is he waiting for someone? My gran was given 48hrs, I was flown back from Germany, she held off until my youngest DDs birthday 5 days later 🙄🙄 in a way I laugh and try to celebrate both of them.

Lots of love and strength xxx

Original poster
thegreenlight · 16/12/2022 20:51

He’s such a good dad and husband and man. He doesn’t deserve this. He had all his teeth taken out up Mount Kilimanjaro. He’s a mix or Harrison Ford and John Wayne. My total hero just left to fade. He just woke up and said ‘hello sweetheart’ then disappeared back into his own world.

OP posts:
SofiaSoFar · 16/12/2022 20:51

I'm so, so sorry. It must be heartbreaking for you both. Flowers

Topseyt123 · 16/12/2022 20:51

I'm so sorry. Thinking of you.

strugglingdaily · 16/12/2022 20:52

Been there and it's the worst thing ever. My dad was too young to go and very loved. Sending love xx

Onekidnoclue · 16/12/2022 20:53

I’m so sorry. This is fucking brutal. I’m glad you can at least be there with him at the end. X

Namenic · 16/12/2022 20:53

I’m so sorry OP. I think your presence will be reassuring to him if he can feel anything. He is lucky to have you and your mum.

Eyesopenwideawake · 16/12/2022 20:55

I'm sorry. He will be aware that you're there and comforted by your presence and your voice. If you think he's not getting the care or pain relief he needs, don't be polite.

LBFseBrom · 16/12/2022 20:56

Oh bless you, greenlight. Life does seem unfair at times, it's so sad for you and your mother. I'm sure your dad is comforted by your presence.

TheVeryHungryTortoise · 16/12/2022 20:56

Oh gosh, it's so hard OP. I imagine that he feels so immensely safe and comfortable surrounded by you and your Mum though. You're both there for him when he needs it most.

If you haven't already, put on some music in the background that he likes to listen to. Sending you thoughts and hugs.

FoxtrotSkarloey · 16/12/2022 20:57

I'm so sorry. I've been in your situation and it's horrible.

Please tell him what you've said here, if you haven't already, he'll probably still be able to hear you.

Crazymumto1 · 16/12/2022 20:58

I’m so sorry, I’ve been there just try to talk to him and get to say whatever you want, you will get through this

MurderAtTheBeautyPageant · 16/12/2022 20:58

I've been there and yes it's heartbreaking.

But it's great you can physically be with him. And it will be giving him such comfort too. The last thing you can do for your lovely dad in his lifetime.

mrsfollowill · 16/12/2022 20:59

Bloody awful- I did the same along with my sister and mum. DF slipped away while we went out of the room to get a cup of tea- I don't know but he was maybe waiting for us to leave? Hugs to you it's dreadful x

Highfivemum · 16/12/2022 21:01

So so sorry. I totally understand. I Sat with my Dad and had to watch him go. It broke and still breaks my heart. I sang to him and chatted to him like all was well. Please if you can do this then do. It will help you and your Dad. Thinking of you and wishing you all strength at this hard time. Hand hold from me to you