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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Sitting with my dying dad - this is so unfair

283 replies

thegreenlight · 16/12/2022 20:41

Just that - it’s so cruel. My mum and I just have to sit here and wait for everything to fail. He was given 24-48 hours yesterday. It’s torture.

OP posts:
Pipsquiggle · 21/12/2022 21:28

So sorry OP x

Checkedtowel · 21/12/2022 21:29

It's crap. DH was in hospital for 3 months with a terminal illness during covid. No visitors at all. We did get him home to die and TBH those hours felt like good fortune 😥

FWIW I said a few words about what a wonderful husband and father he'd been and how we'd had such a good life, then told him to go when he was ready and he went within minutes.

Blossomtoes · 21/12/2022 21:46

Bittersweet @thegreenlight. 💐

fedupofthiscoldffs · 21/12/2022 21:51

I'm so sorry. Love to you & your mum

LittleMissPeggySue · 21/12/2022 21:59

I'm so sorry OP. I'm 2 years down the line and most of the time, life is manageable then the loss just hits me. I'll never get over it but I'm at the point where I can do life comfortably and without feeling hugely sad all the time. It takes time and everyone deals with things differently, there's no right or wrong way.

Support your mum as best you can but also don't forget yourself, be kind to you.

Much love xxx

Liz1tummypain · 21/12/2022 22:11

So sorry. It won't feel this raw for long. He's not in any discomfort now.

Summer2424 · 21/12/2022 22:16

@thethegreenlight so sorry you are all going through this x
My Dad was put on life support after his op, there was nothing more they could do and switched the life suppport off and we waited, it was so painful but when i left the hospital i felt he was with me, i didn't have to leave him in the hospital that day, instead he came with me x

WitchDancer · 21/12/2022 22:25

My condolences on your loss, may he rest in peace Flowers

Desperatelyseekingreason · 21/12/2022 22:28

So sorry that you have lost your Dad. I know what it's like to watch a difficult death. Try to take comfort in that he is now at peace and that you and your DM were with him.

VillanellesCoat · 21/12/2022 22:29

So sorry, @thegreenlight x Love and strength to you and your mom xx

Zanatdy · 21/12/2022 22:32

I’m so sorry. It’s been 4yrs since my dad passed and it’s heartbreaking to watch a strong man fade away. Sending lots of love to you and your family xx

hlc123 · 21/12/2022 22:53

So sorry for the loss of your lovely Dad x

Doihavetogotoworkdotcom1 · 21/12/2022 23:04

I’ve been thinking of. Such a difficult time.

saturnisturning · 21/12/2022 23:08

Ah op

sending love and light xx

MyLoveIsYourLove0xO · 21/12/2022 23:18

Thinking of you
❤️

Byfleet · 21/12/2022 23:25

I am so sorry. I have just recently sat with my dying dad too. Yes, it is the hardest thing to do and my heart goes out to you.

I made a play list of all the music he liked. I talked to him about all my memories of the things we had done together and all the things he had achieved, the people he had known and the places he had gone to. We held hands tightly. It was incredibly hard but I am so incredibly glad it happened that way. It would have been much worse to miss his passing.

It will be hard for you but you will never regret it. Wishing you strength.

MissFritton65 · 21/12/2022 23:28

@LittleMissPeggySue totally agree with all you say. My lovely Dad died just over 2 years ago and the grief still hits me at unsuspecting moments.
I don't think you get over the death of your parents, you learn to cope with their lose.

MissFritton65 · 21/12/2022 23:32

@thegreenlight so sorry to hear about your Dad's death. Take care 🌺

rabbitwoman · 21/12/2022 23:38

What a lovely thread. So much love, kindness and comfort.

My dad died yesterday morning. He was at home, and I was there with my mum. I had been there all day and he was deep, deep asleep the whole time. He had been in such terrible pain the past few nights, but seeing him so deep asleep in his little snuggly nest I knew the end was coming and we talked to him, held his hand and stroked his face.

I got some sleep, and my mum came to wake me up at 4am. She said dad seemed to be in distress, and by the time I got back up there, he was gone. He had been alone less than a minute.

In the moment we were both pleased for him and proud that he had gone so peacefully. It was heartbreaking, but also lovely. It was hours before anyone else was about, just me and mum - we had a cup of tea, we chatted and laughed a little. No one could have asked for a better end.

The grief will come later, but I do believe the new journey doesn't start right away. That I was there with my mum was an honour. That I was there for my dad was very special. I will do it again for any loved one and now I won't be afraid.

God bless all you lovely contributer who have shared your stories. OP, my dad was a superhero too.

Xx

Mariposista · 21/12/2022 23:40

I am so so sorry for the loss of your wonderful Dad. Please be kind to yourself and take care of yourself and your mum.
Dont feel you have to be all normal and jolly for Christmas - it will drain you. Feel what you need to feel, that is totally ok. There will be many more Christmasses which will be better but this year just do what you need to do. Al the very best to you and your mum OP

Fluffygoon · 21/12/2022 23:48

Sending you a big hug. He sounds a lovely Dad and you were blessed to have each other. Such a difficult time 💐

MrsOvertonsWindow · 21/12/2022 23:49

So sorry thegreenlight - and Rabbitwoman and everyone else who's lost someone recently. Such a tender and moving thread.
Flowers

saltinesandcoffeecups · 22/12/2022 00:22

thegreenlight · 21/12/2022 19:23

Thankyou all for the support x my beautiful, caring, funny dad passed away this morning at 2:00am. I wasn’t with him but my mum was. He didn’t go easily and my mum is distraught. Now to get used to a world without him in it.

I’m sorry OP, I lost my mum last week. Crappy solidarity hug from me to you from afar.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 22/12/2022 01:45

Checkedtowel · 21/12/2022 21:29

It's crap. DH was in hospital for 3 months with a terminal illness during covid. No visitors at all. We did get him home to die and TBH those hours felt like good fortune 😥

FWIW I said a few words about what a wonderful husband and father he'd been and how we'd had such a good life, then told him to go when he was ready and he went within minutes.

Oh, god. I'm sorry. 🌹

HollaHolla · 22/12/2022 02:10

So sorry to hear this. There’s no way to dress these things up, that isn’t shit. I hope in time that your memories of a lovely dad will take over, and keep him in your mind like that.
take care of yourself, and each other. Xx