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Original poster

Sitting with my dying dad - this is so unfair

283 replies

thegreenlight · 16/12/2022 20:41

Just that - it’s so cruel. My mum and I just have to sit here and wait for everything to fail. He was given 24-48 hours yesterday. It’s torture.

OP posts:
Megjobethamy · 16/12/2022 22:17

Hi, I rarely comment but I just had to... So beautiful.. I was with both my parents when they passed and to this day it gives me such comfort.. To hold their hand as they leave this life,how beautiful it is.. Maybe not now as it happens and is so sad but you will not regret it.. God speed x

mumofagirlie · 16/12/2022 22:18

I'm so sorry to read this. Sending you strength and peace. Your family are in my thoughts

gretchinella · 16/12/2022 22:18

I was in your position nearly exactly a year ago with my mum. I described it as torture too. I'm really sorry. Try and look after yourself and your family as much as you can x

CambsAlways · 16/12/2022 22:19

I did this too love for many hours it’s bloody heartbreaking isn’t it, you just feel so helpless, so sorry to hear this, virtual hug for you your mum and dad.

HerReputationMadeItDifficultToProceed · 16/12/2022 22:20

Thinking of you. I'm so sorry.

Caramelsmadfuzzytail · 16/12/2022 22:21

So sorry you are going through this.
My dad died 15 years ago and it was horrendous. I'm glad your experience seems "better" than mine.
💐

blackpearwhitelilies · 16/12/2022 22:22

Thinking of you OP. You sound like a wonderful daughter to a wonderful father.

Couldyounot · 16/12/2022 22:22

Sympathy, OP. This was me with my Mum almost 4 years ago. It's hard.

Murphs1 · 16/12/2022 22:25

I’ve sat where you are now and it is totally and utterly heartbreaking and bewildering. Sending big hugs your way 💖

EATmum · 16/12/2022 22:28

I was in your place earlier this year, with my mum. Now, I think of that time with peace as well as intense sadness - we knew that she was dying, but it was an honour to be present, and the hospice she was in was amazing. It was the hardest time of my life, but I'm so pleased I was there with her, at the end.

Knittinglikemad · 16/12/2022 22:29

I am thinking of you, 2yrs ago tonight I was sitting watching & waiting for my mum to pass, I had sat & slept at her bedside in a Covid ward for 2wks, it’s the hardest thing to do but your dad will pass with you & your mum there. I will sit here till 12.28am, remembering my mum & my last few hours with her. I hope for you all a peaceful passing, but please look after yourself afterwards & take time to just breathe xx

Growlybear83 · 16/12/2022 22:31

I'm so sorry. I went through this with my Mum in the summer, and it was the hardest few days of my life. But I'm so glad that I was able to be with her at the end and to be stroking her hair as she slipped away. As others have said, it's the last think you can do for your Dad, and I'm sure it's a huge comfort to your Mum that you're with her.

oakleaffy · 16/12/2022 22:31

It's surreal. I'm sorry you have to go through this, especially poignant at this time of year. Your Dad will know you are there.

Daisybuttercup12345 · 16/12/2022 22:32

I am so sorry xxx

Nottogetapenny · 16/12/2022 22:36

I’m so sorry, for you and your family. My sister and I did the same thing as you are doing now with our mum earlier this year.
After many days and hours, for them hanging on, it really is so hard, waiting and holding onto every breath.
Hope your dad isn’t in pain and is peaceful! You sound like a lovely family and it’s a credit to your dad the way he must love and care for you all.
Take care of yourself and when the inevitable happens you know you did your best. 🌸😘

oakleaffy · 16/12/2022 22:37

@thegreenlight Also..Don't be surprised if your Dad chooses to slip away while you or your mum leave the bedside..This is incredibly common.
As if the dying person actively chooses this. My friend's Dad passed this way, and our Dad died while we were asleep in the same house..{We knew he was dying, and had a rota around his bed, but Dad always used to say he had a phobia about ''People being mob handed around my death~bed''..so Dad being Dad, slipped away at about 2.am with no actual ''Mob'' around his bed, much to our sadness.
But it was his choice.

Diversion · 16/12/2022 22:38

I am so sorry, I sat with my Mum 3 weeks ago until the end, not unexpected but sudden and peaceful. Talk to him as much as you can, hold his hand and try and take comfort that you are with him. Sending you strength and much love.

Ohdofuckofdear · 16/12/2022 22:42

I'm so sorry and your right it's not fair and your Dad sounds really lovely and as grateful as you are for him is how grateful he'll be for you,your being so brave sitting with him it's not easy I know. I hope that you and your Mum have lots of love and support around you,try to lean on those that your close to and that reach out to you when you need it.x

I'll be thinking of you all.x

Edinlassy · 16/12/2022 22:44

Oh my heart goes out to you sweetheart. 3 years ago I done exactly the same
for 4 days and 5 nights. Hardest time of my life but take comfort in the fact you are there with him in his final hours. What a wonderful daughter you are, your father clearly raised a wonderfully caring young lady. Sending you love x

oakleaffy · 16/12/2022 22:47

@thegreenlight Your Dad does sound like a lovely man. What a lovely thing for him to have said to you like that..And a Brave man to have had all his teeth taken out up Kilimanjaro! ..Probably without anaesthetic!
Respect to him! x

Jumbojade · 16/12/2022 22:48

I’ve also been there OP, but it was my dm I sat with. The Consultant said her death was imminent, but she fought on for 4 days, never once regaining consciousness. It is exhausting, but I didn’t want her to die alone, so I was there for her, just as you are there for your df.

It is an awful situation, but also a privilege, to be there for someone you love, as they take their last breaths. Sending you love. 💐

Chitasaurus · 16/12/2022 22:49

Much love to you and your family OP xx

SeaGlassShining · 16/12/2022 22:50

Sending best wishes to your Dad and your family. What lovely words you write about him
💗

maddy68 · 16/12/2022 22:54

Exactly 5 years ago today I was in the same situation as you. I'm feeling very tearful tonight I remember it so clearly. And that mix of emotion when you know you aren't going to see him every again , or hear his laugh or see his smile. But also knowing and wishing he would be taken soon and be out of his pain.
I have noI words of comfort but he knows and feels yog are there. Keep talking to him, tell him everything. Let him hear your laugh too still joke with him he is still there even though it doesn't seem like it

Trivium4all · 16/12/2022 22:56

I'm so sorry. I've been there; well, my mum was, and I was on the phone to her. Hang in there.

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