Contacted by bully's mother

[Jennybeans401]

Dd hleft her previous primary school due to bullying. Two girls in particular had been excluding her, making fun of her and it led to dd having mental health problems (nightmares, anxiety). One of the girls had been best friends with dd until year 3 then really turned on her- all the more hurtful.

School couldn't resolve the problem and off rolled us over the telephone. They hadn't recorded the bullying and didn't want to acknowledge it.

Dd started a new school before half term and is recovering. She misses some of her friends but never asks to speak to them. She's much happier in herself, moving on.

Yesterday the mum of her ex best friend texted me. X misses dd and really wants to meet and talk, perhaps in the park. Months ago when dd was struggling the mum rarely contacted me, she's quite narcissistic and was very competitive. This also translated to her dd wanting to compete with dd.

Friend of mine thinks I should go ahead with the meeting and 'bury the hatchet'. However I don't want to set dd back, she's been doing so well. I asked her earlier if she ever misses X. She said 'a bit' but not when she was nasty.

AIBU not to reply? I don't usually ignore messages but I really don't want to deal with this anymore more. We have had to move schools and it's been a big adjustment for us, the time for her to talk to me was surely months ago?

Presumably mum is aware of the bullying? I think I’d decline and reiterate that you moved her to get away from the bullying.

Yes ignore. Do not engage. I wouldn't trust her or her daughter an inch

Please do not meet this girl. The Mother/daughter have their ow agenda. I am delighted your daughter is doing well a d wishing her an amazing Xmas.

I think, on balance, it will be best to ignore it. You don’t want to risk setting your daughter back.
There will be a self serving reason for the contact e.g. her child has had a fall out with other friends or child has told mum she misses your dd.

I'd have to sit on my hands not to reply with a very annoyed messaged pointing out the lack of support and the bullying of your dd but I know no good would come of doing that.

I do, however, think you should reply and a simple 'No' to the invitation will suffice, the other dd is now feeling the consequences of her actions.

Just ignore. It could be very painful for your daughter.

I think there's a good learning opportunity here for both girls. Learning for x is that you can say sorry but just because you do doesn't mean your apology will be accepted or that things will be rectified so mind your behaviour better in future. Learning for your dd is that it's ok to stick up for yourself and move on from people who hurt you in life because you recognise you deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. So I'd talk to dd about the meet up and help her to process it. I'd be wary of going since the mum has been in touch and not x so you don't know how x actually feels just second hand.

If you think she was bullying your DD why would you even consider meeting her?

How was she bullying your DD? If it was actual bullying this would not even be a consideration. If it was just that the girl no longer wanted to be friends with her and you considered this as bullying I still wouldn't bother. Your DD is happy. Keep moving on.

I would just delete and block

I’d not consider meeting up and I’d ignore too. The time to sort things out is well past.

Absolutely ignore - as above delete and block. Do it now!

Your DD has moved on, don't put her through this

Delete the message and block the number

Do not reply! You don't owe them anything. Protect your DD.

She probably wants to rewrite history and bury the hatchet to clear her own conscience. Don't respond to her, or respond very factually that DD left to get away from her daughter's bullying and is now much happier, and you don't want her exposed to that again.

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YABU for even considering it 😱

I think I'd text back "oh does your dd want to meet up so she can apologise?"

Hell no, you moved school to get away from this. Keep moving forwards not backwards. I would block the other mother or just reply that you moved to get away from bullying so won’t be meeting up.

I'm really baffled as to why OP would need to ask what to do here? Isn't it obvious - ignore, delete, block. Easy isn't it?

I’d reply to the mother “we moved our DD to a different school because of the little bully you’ve raised, it’ll be a cold day in hell before I will let DD be in your child’s toxic company again”.

Then block.

Revenge is a dish best served cold. You owe them nothing. Delete and block. Her DD just wants to feel better about her cowardly self. Don't give her the.opportunity.

Much as I agree to some extent with the view of you meeting up to sort things out/ move on, I wouldn't just because I agree with pp who say this woman has her own agenda.
She wasn't bothered about your daughter when she was being bullied, and by the sounds of it, still isn't, as it's about her daughter.

Nooooo don't get sucked back in! Focus your daughter and help her keep moving on. Teach her that the power to walk away is a great thing indeed.

Well done for moving her. My view is too many parents wait too long.

@Luckyducker it was covert bullying, made worse by dd bei g too trusting of this girl as they'd been best friends since reception.

The girl seemed to take her anger out on dd, excluding her, whispering about her. Some days would be all over her tell her she loved her then would just turn on her. It was worse when there was a group of them and this girl would turn everyone against dd.

Just thinking about it now makes me realise just how awful it was. We've moved to a better place, you're right I really know in my gut this would be awful for dd.