Contacted by bully's mother

[Jennybeans401]

Dd hleft her previous primary school due to bullying. Two girls in particular had been excluding her, making fun of her and it led to dd having mental health problems (nightmares, anxiety). One of the girls had been best friends with dd until year 3 then really turned on her- all the more hurtful.

School couldn't resolve the problem and off rolled us over the telephone. They hadn't recorded the bullying and didn't want to acknowledge it.

Dd started a new school before half term and is recovering. She misses some of her friends but never asks to speak to them. She's much happier in herself, moving on.

Yesterday the mum of her ex best friend texted me. X misses dd and really wants to meet and talk, perhaps in the park. Months ago when dd was struggling the mum rarely contacted me, she's quite narcissistic and was very competitive. This also translated to her dd wanting to compete with dd.

Friend of mine thinks I should go ahead with the meeting and 'bury the hatchet'. However I don't want to set dd back, she's been doing so well. I asked her earlier if she ever misses X. She said 'a bit' but not when she was nasty.

AIBU not to reply? I don't usually ignore messages but I really don't want to deal with this anymore more. We have had to move schools and it's been a big adjustment for us, the time for her to talk to me was surely months ago?

My daughter is 45 and still suffers because of the bullying she received as a child. She had years of therapy. She saw this girl once a couple of years ago in the supermarket and she was right back there as a 12 year old again. Dont put your child through this again. You have moved on leave it at that. It could bring back all the old feelings for your child to meet this girl again. She wasnt a good friend so why are you even thinking of giving her another chance.

Late to the party and I am sure you will have resolved it. However, have been in this situation and made the mistake of meeting up etc. I think we shouldn't have done this as it was confusing for my dd and she needed time to settle and move on. She is however at high school with some of them now but really needed time to re-invent herself and get her confidence back.
The Mums of the girls involved still to this day are trouble (very cliquey) and have tried spreading nonsense rumours about my family (there is evidence confirmed on paper of their kids bullying) so I would imagine this mother is trying to absolve her own guilt and it really isn't worth yours or your daughter's precious energy. The kids behave the way they do because of their parents behaviour and that probably won't change.
Hope you've sorted it anyway.

Definitely doing the right thing. My DD had a similar situation with a former friend. We were really close with the whole family, went on holiday with them, the lot.

Even though I had concrete examples of the way their DD was behaving towards mine that I had personally witnessed, they didn't want to know. Ostensibly we were still friends, but the closeness was gone.

Then their DD sent some mean texts on a group whatsapp. My DD had blocked her but apparently you can still see each other on group chats and she was being all bitchy and fake funny. I spoke to the girl (bare in mind I had known her since she was 4 and she'd practically lived at my house) and said that they were unkind and I was disappointed by her behaviour and was going to speak to her mum.

She clearly went home and spun the mum a tale of how I'd bullied her (judging by what came back via other mums) and they then blocked contact - if they hadn't I would have.

We also went to a different secondary due to the bullying (not just by this girl) and it was a really positive thing to do, so please do consider it.

I would definitely leave it, OP.

And well-done for getting your daughter to such a good place