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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Contacted by bully's mother

355 replies

Jennybeans401 · 16/12/2022 18:45

Dd hleft her previous primary school due to bullying. Two girls in particular had been excluding her, making fun of her and it led to dd having mental health problems (nightmares, anxiety). One of the girls had been best friends with dd until year 3 then really turned on her- all the more hurtful.

School couldn't resolve the problem and off rolled us over the telephone. They hadn't recorded the bullying and didn't want to acknowledge it.

Dd started a new school before half term and is recovering. She misses some of her friends but never asks to speak to them. She's much happier in herself, moving on.

Yesterday the mum of her ex best friend texted me. X misses dd and really wants to meet and talk, perhaps in the park. Months ago when dd was struggling the mum rarely contacted me, she's quite narcissistic and was very competitive. This also translated to her dd wanting to compete with dd.

Friend of mine thinks I should go ahead with the meeting and 'bury the hatchet'. However I don't want to set dd back, she's been doing so well. I asked her earlier if she ever misses X. She said 'a bit' but not when she was nasty.

AIBU not to reply? I don't usually ignore messages but I really don't want to deal with this anymore more. We have had to move schools and it's been a big adjustment for us, the time for her to talk to me was surely months ago?

OP posts:

EVHead · 16/12/2022 18:58

Are the likely to be at the same secondary school? If so I would prepare DD for that, but no way meeting up with this girl.

Ignore and block.

Wishawisha · 16/12/2022 19:00

There is zero chance they’d be meeting up with I were you. Even if my DD seemed to want it, it wouldn’t be an option.

I would struggle not to reply though.. I’d very much want to say something but ignoring is probably for the best.

DeadDonkey · 16/12/2022 19:00

I would block and ignore. If you do want to respond I would just say “DD has moved on and doesn’t want to meet up”.

Bonjovispyjamas · 16/12/2022 19:01

Absolutely not, your daughter is the priority, ignore the messages.

Original poster

Jennybeans401 · 16/12/2022 19:02

@EVHead I'm considering a different high school for dd due to these past problems. Again, this is why it's so important I don't get sucked back in.

I used to be friends with X's mum but this broke down after the bullying continued with no help or support from her

OP posts:

DocMarteens · 16/12/2022 19:03

Remember that she is doing this for her daughter's sake, not yours

Sloth66 · 16/12/2022 19:05

Delete and block. I wouldn’t trust this woman, what possible benefit could there be for your DD meeting them? She’s moved on.

IhearyouClemFandango · 16/12/2022 19:05

Just ignore it

SnowlayRoundabout · 16/12/2022 19:06

Off the point, but it was illegal for the previous school to off roll your DD, and disgraceful practice in terms of any bullying policy. I'd suggest you enter a complaint with the governors, if only to help current pupils.

LondonJax · 16/12/2022 19:07

Nope, absolutely not. The woman's daughter misses your daughter. Tough. If she'd have been a nicer person she would still have your daughter as a friend. Your child is not there to support or make another child feel better. Her mother should use it as a lesson of what happens if you disrespect another human being. Don't give in. You're daughter is your priority and the woman should teach her own daughter to be a better person.

Irridescantshimmmer · 16/12/2022 19:08

I think the bully may have been feeling uncomfortably guilty and is seeking to clear her consciounce....its entirely up to you of course but I would let her fester.

Time is the greatest healer and your daughter is recovering, it would be a shame for her to have it all brought up again.

Tonysopranosghost · 16/12/2022 19:09

There's not many times I'd follow the old mumsnet "No is a complete sentence" advice...but this is one of them. Then block.

853ax · 16/12/2022 19:10

She has probably lost a few more friends again by being mean so her mother looking to get your daughter back.
Think as well to just ignore. Glad your daughter happy in new school.

IncompleteSenten · 16/12/2022 19:12

Fuck that.

I would reply and it would be along with he lines of no thank you. We are happier now having moved on.

JoyBeorge · 16/12/2022 19:13

Her daughter probably just misses having someone to bully. Just let it go and follow your heart. You know she's happier now, don't put that at risk. You don't even need to respond and if you do just don't agree to anything and be vague.

vipersnest1 · 16/12/2022 19:14

@Irridescantshimmmer, has summed up exactly what I was going to post.
Either the bully or her mother have finally realised how awful the bully's behaviour and want to ease their conscience.
You've supported your DD and I think this would be a big step back for her.

Delandra · 16/12/2022 19:14

No it’s not worth putting your daughter through another potential bout of spiteful bullying. She’s had to leave the school to escape from this situation and that’s hard to do when young. Your ex friend’s daughter has probably learned most of her tactics from mum so it’s second nature for her. Let them find another target.

gamerchick · 16/12/2022 19:14

Delete and block and don't mention it to the bairn. Blocking will send its own message.

amonsteronthehill · 16/12/2022 19:15

"Sorry, we're fully booked up. Enjoy the holidays."

Nat6999 · 16/12/2022 19:16

My only reply would be to to tell the mother that if she contacts you again you will consider it harassment & will be taking action about it.

DomPom47 · 16/12/2022 19:17

Please do not meet with mother or respond to message as it will be a slippery slope of questions from her about why you don’t want to meet up, oh just a quick chat etc etc etc your daughter is doing better and this is the main thing. You do not need to revisit a friendship with someone who is a bully. The mother was clearly no help and is part of the issue. Foster a resilient attitude in your daughter as much as you can, champion her in the things she does well to boost her confidence and where she struggles make it clear that this is normal and fine and things that we all experience. Onwards and upwards 💐

Fluffycloudland77 · 16/12/2022 19:18

Is the other mum on glue?

SpicyFoodRocks · 16/12/2022 19:19

Don’t even mention it to your daughter.

It wouldn’t even surprise me if they were thinking of moving school and wanted some info on your new place. People like this usually have an agenda. Ignore. She isn’t doing this to be kind.

Courgettecity · 16/12/2022 19:19

When I moved my middle child due to bullying the one who missed him most was the bully, the reason for the move. I'm sure she does miss your DC, but probably because she hasn't replaced her emotional punching bag. Don't meet up, let you DD move on.

Anjo2011 · 16/12/2022 19:19

There’s nothing to say. Fuck her. She probably wants to clear he conscience. Don’t do it, you’ll regret it.

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