Contacted by bully's mother

[Jennybeans401]

Dd hleft her previous primary school due to bullying. Two girls in particular had been excluding her, making fun of her and it led to dd having mental health problems (nightmares, anxiety). One of the girls had been best friends with dd until year 3 then really turned on her- all the more hurtful.

School couldn't resolve the problem and off rolled us over the telephone. They hadn't recorded the bullying and didn't want to acknowledge it.

Dd started a new school before half term and is recovering. She misses some of her friends but never asks to speak to them. She's much happier in herself, moving on.

Yesterday the mum of her ex best friend texted me. X misses dd and really wants to meet and talk, perhaps in the park. Months ago when dd was struggling the mum rarely contacted me, she's quite narcissistic and was very competitive. This also translated to her dd wanting to compete with dd.

Friend of mine thinks I should go ahead with the meeting and 'bury the hatchet'. However I don't want to set dd back, she's been doing so well. I asked her earlier if she ever misses X. She said 'a bit' but not when she was nasty.

AIBU not to reply? I don't usually ignore messages but I really don't want to deal with this anymore more. We have had to move schools and it's been a big adjustment for us, the time for her to talk to me was surely months ago?

Shocking that she even had the gall to contact you so casually. She sounds toxic.

You want to potentially put your daughter back in the lion’s den? Her ex friend misses her? Tough. That’s what happens when you’re a bitch. Keep your daughter away from this girl and don’t engage with the mother.

This will be all about the mother not the bullying daughter. Someone has probably mentioned how well OP's daughter is doing and she is desperate with curiosity. She might even be thinking of moving her own daughter to your new school if she thinks you've got a better deal. Pure jealousy. Do not engage!

Ignore. Don't engage and block the number. She didn't give two hoots about your dd so why should you give a toss about hers?

There is no burying the hatchet there is just giving your daughter the message to let bullies back in her life is ok. It’s not.

Honestly? There's a good chance that this girl has been doing the same to other girls ... and they (and their parents) have had enough of it. She probably has a reputation for it now.

Just block her, don't waste your time replying. Bully mum doesn't care about your DD; never did, never will. She's only interested in her own DD's well-being.

Just block.

Fuck that. No, no way. Don't meet her, and tbh I would just send a really anodyne reply - or not reply at all.
The school failed their duty of care to your daughter, the mother did nothing to tackle her child's behaviour, you did the right thing and are getting her well and happy again. Draw the line and yes I would consider a different secondary school - depending on how solid your DD's friendships, MH and confidence is when the time comes.

Brilliant.

The mother won't know what you are talking about, of course. Not if he's a narcissist. On the contrary, she will expect YOU to apologize for taking your daughter away. You can never get the better of a narc. They are monsters. The entire universe revolves around them, and everyone exists for their benefit. No doubt the daughter has inherited her mother's toxic personality. If I was you, I would ignore it. Sign your daughter up for every dance class, singing group, karate class, etc, that you can find. She needs reassurance that not everyone is spiteful and unkind (don't we all?!).

please dont make your dd do this-i wa bullied and i never want to see the bastards again

i bet this girl has lot all her friends so she wants to come to you

I also wouldn't be reminding Bully girl or mum how bad it was for your daughter. Don't give any ammunition to fuel the nastiness as agree with what @VisaGeezer says..

Text her this.

I think there’s more power in the acknowledgment. I would reply - “Thanks for your message. I’m sure you meant it kindly - but given everything that’s happened, it’s better for DD to have moved on and left that period behind her. Hope all’s well with you and sending best wishes for Christmas.”

Polite. Formal. Actually quite devastating as a result.

Ignore her. Do not engage at all.
I'm glad your daughter is doing better 💐

I'd respond with "No, thank you" and then block. If you ignore it, she might continue trying to contact you (even if you block her, she could try other ways). I'd make it clear that you've seen her invitation and are declining it.

I would reply politely but non-commitally but I would absolutely not meet up again because:

• It gives the girl a chance to do the same thing to your daughter again (and if she did it once, the liklihood is that she'll do it again), undoing all the progress, potentially making it worse than the first time around.

• Restablishing contact may be harder to cut off this time. It also risks introducing social media contact too as they get older which could cause bullying issues even with the move of schools.

• She is someone that has bullied your daughter once already, there are new friends out there already made and to be made that have never bullied your daughter - they should be prioritised.

This

This: I think I'd text back "oh does your dd want to meet up so she can apologise?"
And add, "but really there is no need as DD has moved on and is much happier".

No do not put your little one at risk again. The other child needs to understand why they will not be friends again.

Thanks, I haven't responded to the message. She sent another one about half an hour ago but I've not opened it. I blocked this mother on social media many months ago, I will block her on my phone too.

The absolutely weirdest thing about this is I had a dream about the mother last night. This has never happened! In the dream she took me out for a meal, paid for it and then I told her all about how dd was doing so well now. When I looked up she'd gone and I felt completely tricked by her. End of dream!

Strange coincidence!

No way your DD should engage with this nasty girl again. I’d really struggle not to reply though. Something along the lines of

“Perhaps X should think about how her treatment of people affects them, and their wishes to be anywhere near her. If she continues on the same path, and others end up also needing to move schools to avoid her, she’ll find herself missing more than just my DD. Please don’t contact me again”

They sound like psychos, text back: Hard pass.

I would just reply and say thanks for thinking of DD but a meet up isn't on the cards as she was deeply affected by the bullying and has made a really good start in her new school and is recovering so wel so you wouldn't want to jeopardise that. If she persists just block her number.

As you said, this girl likes to be nice to your daughter intermittently, then turns on her again. She’s might be just starting this boomeranging again. Ignore. Your poor little one, so glad she’s enjoying her new school. 💐💐

I doubt it was quite that simple - you have to wait until a new school confirms they've arrived and then notify the local authority that they've registered somewhere else (and raise transfer files, upload, post hard files, notify the DSL so they can put any safeguarding ones onto the electronic SG transfer system, tell finance, go through parentpay to process refunds/account closure, update the network details, close the app log ins, etc, etc, etc, etc. Often, there's nothing to be gained from telling the parent that - and they don't always appreciate anything that feels like you're questioning their decision - so they might think you've just offrolled them over the phone when there's actually quite a lot of work even before you start looking at finding the next kid on the waiting list to offer the place to,