Contacted by bully's mother

[Jennybeans401]

Dd hleft her previous primary school due to bullying. Two girls in particular had been excluding her, making fun of her and it led to dd having mental health problems (nightmares, anxiety). One of the girls had been best friends with dd until year 3 then really turned on her- all the more hurtful.

School couldn't resolve the problem and off rolled us over the telephone. They hadn't recorded the bullying and didn't want to acknowledge it.

Dd started a new school before half term and is recovering. She misses some of her friends but never asks to speak to them. She's much happier in herself, moving on.

Yesterday the mum of her ex best friend texted me. X misses dd and really wants to meet and talk, perhaps in the park. Months ago when dd was struggling the mum rarely contacted me, she's quite narcissistic and was very competitive. This also translated to her dd wanting to compete with dd.

Friend of mine thinks I should go ahead with the meeting and 'bury the hatchet'. However I don't want to set dd back, she's been doing so well. I asked her earlier if she ever misses X. She said 'a bit' but not when she was nasty.

AIBU not to reply? I don't usually ignore messages but I really don't want to deal with this anymore more. We have had to move schools and it's been a big adjustment for us, the time for her to talk to me was surely months ago?

Ignore. Glad your daughter is in a better place.

I'd just be honest. Say your dd has moved schools, she's much happier having made a clean break and you're going to leave it there.

Wish her a happy Christmas and bye !

OP, your DD has never expressed any desire to meet up with this bully. The only thing that has changed is this woman getting in touch. You don't owe her anything. If you agreed to this you'd be doing it for her, not your daughter (who only stands to lose from it). Please don't. I don't hold much against my parents, but the one thing I am annoyed about is that never stuck their neck out for me when people (in this case adults, but it doesn't really matter) made nasty comments about my weight. Stand up for your daughter and reply that you don't want to meet up. Nothing wrong with being honest!

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

Its not your fault the bully is missing her former friend. I would distrust her motive and I don't think the meeting could possibly go well.

'If your dd really feels it's important to apologise she could writer a letter and I'd be happy to pass it on after I've checked it.'

I would 100% not go-why should your DD give the bully her time?

My DD had a bad experience with bullying-slightly older than your DD.
Moved schools-fresh start and very happy and settled.
Bully contacted her-wanted to say sorry and be friends.
DD blocked her. She owes her nothing and did not want to get caught up in the inevitable drama.

I am suspicious of the motives tbh.

Meeting her bully just drags her back, she doesn't owe the bully closure or the chance to apologise.
Your DD and and her needs/mental health/happiness are the priority.
Steer clear.

I would just send a short reply saying it was terrible what your dd went through and it would not be in her best interests to meet but you wish them well. Then block so you have no need to engage further.

I don't think the girl is old enough to emotionally regulate all what you've said. Us as adults we can, but a child will see this differently.

This is what I thought, bully girl is likely lower in the groups pecking order than she thought and is maybe now being bullied in dd s place, so is looking to entice her back in or wants sympathy. Sod her! Ignore it!

Why would you lie? OP doesn't owe this woman anything.

You owe her and her daughter nothing. Don’t engage don’t respond and just leave it

the best protection is no contact

Guarantee that she’s fallen out with other girls herself now and is feeling lonely. It’s what happens with bullies, they never keep onto their friends and the tables get turned.

Reply if you want or block and delete. Either way it should be a ‘no’ and don’t let your daughter know. She’s moved on. Leave her be.

I would have to reply and say I can't believe you'd even suggest this after your toxic child made my daughter miserable. Then block her

I would blank it. Your daughter is moving forward and there is nothing to be gained for her by speaking to this girl, but a real risk of being upset or destabilised.

Tempting as it is to reply with a scathing message I would just delete and block.

Sometimes the best response is none at all.

Just ignore the message.

I wouldn't be surprised if this girl has lost friends due to her behaviour and is now looking for a buddy again. Steer well clear.

Ignore & block

I’ve had a slightly similar situation with one of mine. It was more mum led, actively excluding ds and making it impossibly to interact. The dc did though happily go along with it, rubbing ds’s face in it what they’d done, leaving him out and making nasty comment.

From what I’ve heard the reason to get back in contact is because the other boys are having issues. I’m not surprised because toxic behaviour doesn’t make anyone happy really, and leads to general toxicity.

We’ve ignore it BUT I did talk to ds about it and I wouldn’t have stopped him seeing them and getting in contact if he was desperate to. He’d have found out eventually they wanted to get in touch, ans it wouldn’t have been good to find out I’d stopped him after all our open conversations and him opening up to me.

Sounds like the child is missing her victim. Tell her mother that you will continue to protect your daughter from bullying and there will be no meeting.

I would respond and say

‘I don’t think a meet- up is a good idea for the girls after everything that happened. DD is doing really well at her new school, and I think it would be best for both girls to move on from this friendship. All the best’

“I do not feel that this would be in the best interests of DD so will not be facilitating a meet up”

Friend of mine thinks I should go ahead with the meeting and 'bury the hatchet'

Why?
What on EARTH would you get out of it bar their attempts at justification, or being set up for more bullying?

DD doesn't ask after these kids & doesn't want to see them.
Your friend needs a kick up the arse.

YANBU to just ignore the message.
Also YANBU to respond "fuck off with your faux concern, why on earth would I let your revolting child anywhere near mine after what she did?" & then BLOCK.

If the ex friend is genuinely missing your dd then this is a big life lesson learnt. Don't bully your friends or if you do then don't expect to continue a friendship. Decline Decline Decline! Tell the mum straight her daughter bullied yours and that bridge has burnt as your daughter has moved on friendship wise

Is there any chance of the bully/mom having a way to contact your DD directly?