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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Contacted by bully's mother

355 replies

Jennybeans401 · 16/12/2022 18:45

Dd hleft her previous primary school due to bullying. Two girls in particular had been excluding her, making fun of her and it led to dd having mental health problems (nightmares, anxiety). One of the girls had been best friends with dd until year 3 then really turned on her- all the more hurtful.

School couldn't resolve the problem and off rolled us over the telephone. They hadn't recorded the bullying and didn't want to acknowledge it.

Dd started a new school before half term and is recovering. She misses some of her friends but never asks to speak to them. She's much happier in herself, moving on.

Yesterday the mum of her ex best friend texted me. X misses dd and really wants to meet and talk, perhaps in the park. Months ago when dd was struggling the mum rarely contacted me, she's quite narcissistic and was very competitive. This also translated to her dd wanting to compete with dd.

Friend of mine thinks I should go ahead with the meeting and 'bury the hatchet'. However I don't want to set dd back, she's been doing so well. I asked her earlier if she ever misses X. She said 'a bit' but not when she was nasty.

AIBU not to reply? I don't usually ignore messages but I really don't want to deal with this anymore more. We have had to move schools and it's been a big adjustment for us, the time for her to talk to me was surely months ago?

OP posts:
lookslikeabombhitit · 16/12/2022 19:43

I wouldn't ignore the message. I would be quite blunt in my reply though.

"That's not a good idea for my DD. She's slowly recovering from the bullying your dd and X subjected her to and I don't want her set back after having to move schools to get her away from their behaviour." The end.

fortifiedwithtea · 16/12/2022 19:44

Ignore! This mother /daughter have their own agenda.

My daughter had to move secondary school . One girl would follow my daughter on Instagram just long enough to be nosy and then unfollowed again. Rinse and repeat. Not a true friend.

Computersaysno123 · 16/12/2022 19:44

I totally understand what everyone's saying and do agree but also the girl is quite young and if she really has realised she's wrong and wants to apologies then I do feel everyone deserves a second chance. However... she hasn't said that and should have done in the text if that was the case. And also like everyone's said; your daughter is the main priority here so even if she's really sorry you are not going to set back your daughter from what sounds like a good recovery. It is a shame tho if she's really sorry but she will have to atone by just stopping being a dick in future to ease her conscience, and maybe write a letter and leave it at that

MatildaJayne · 16/12/2022 19:45

Just in case, just in case they end up at the same secondary, despite your attempts, I’d just reply to be polite, ‘My DD has moved on so we won’t be meeting up. Jennybeans.’

MeridianB · 16/12/2022 19:49

I’m amazed you’re even considering it. Delete, block and don’t mention it to your DD.

No good will come of this and PPs are right that it’s all about their agenda.

lborgia · 16/12/2022 19:49

Be nice.
Forgive and forget.
Be the bigger person.

All complete crap. Teaching children to turn the other cheek is setting them up for a life time of accepting abusive behaviour as normal and permissible. Glad you're not going to do that.

HotChoxs · 16/12/2022 19:49

Absolutely not.
High chance the bully has been found out and lost all her friends in school.

Bigdamnheroes · 16/12/2022 19:50

I’d reply to the mother “we moved our DD to a different school because of the little bully you’ve raised, it’ll be a cold day in hell before I will let DD be in your child’s toxic company again”.

This. Or the old MN favourite 'Are you on glue?'

Like hell would I be ignoring it and letting her feel like she's tried her best to make amends and absolve herself from any responsibility. I'd be making her feel as guilty and shitty a parent as possible. Her and her scummy daughter can swivel.

GreyTS · 16/12/2022 19:50

Absolutely do not inflict this girl on your child, why would you give this pair another opportunity to harass and bully your little kid? I'd be so tempted to reply 'lol! Are you joking? I moved DD to get away from bullies like your daughter' but I accept that's probably a bad idea

Badger1970 · 16/12/2022 19:51

Don't answer back, it's not worth it stoking the fire back up now it's died out. Just delete and block.

Mammajay · 16/12/2022 19:52

I would strongly advise against this. It is a drastic thing to have to move a child to a different school. Let her be happy with her new friends. I had to move my daughter and would not have wanted to risk her meeting up with her bully.

NorthYorkQueen · 16/12/2022 19:54

I read your post and wonder if, now your daughter is no longer around, if the dynamic of the group has changed and it’s not this mums daughter who is on the outside or being picked on - hence the message. I’m really sceptical and wondering if she thinks they can become good friends again etc. I agree with lots of other posters, I wouldn’t respond. Well done for getting your daughter away and it’s great to see she’s doing well now.

QS90 · 16/12/2022 19:54

Do what's best for your daughter. Who cares about being polite / replying to the message? This woman and her daughter sound awful. Unless you think seeing them would be beneficial for your daughter? Doesn't sound like it to me though.

If she messages again, I'd block her if it's going to cause you worry. You sound like a lovely mum who's done right by her daughter.

HotChoxs · 16/12/2022 19:55

NorthYorkQueen · 16/12/2022 19:54

I read your post and wonder if, now your daughter is no longer around, if the dynamic of the group has changed and it’s not this mums daughter who is on the outside or being picked on - hence the message. I’m really sceptical and wondering if she thinks they can become good friends again etc. I agree with lots of other posters, I wouldn’t respond. Well done for getting your daughter away and it’s great to see she’s doing well now.

Yes this happens

Thisisworsethananticpated · 16/12/2022 19:55

I’d ignore
not even reply tbh

Dragonskin · 16/12/2022 19:56

I know that the answer is to just block and ignore, but I would really struggle not to reply with 'you've got to be kidding me? After everything that your daughter did, there is no chance my daughter would want to see her again 🤣'

poefaced · 16/12/2022 19:56

Yeah she fuck right off, as can her daughter.

Onwards and upwards for your dd.

thenewduchessoflapland · 16/12/2022 19:57

I suspect the rumour mill has been turning and she wants to prove/be reassured her unkind brat isn't indeed the cause of your DD's school move then she can skip back to the other school mums in the new year with oh "dd and I met with X and her x dd over the holidays and it was so lovely for the girls to spend time together" therefore making herself and her dd look peachy.

PeekAtYou · 16/12/2022 19:57

I would not meet and would block the number. I think that stage of her life should be left in the past.

YoungBritishPissArtist · 16/12/2022 19:58

Delete and block. Delete and block. Delete and block. Delete and block. Delete and block.

Picklewicklepickle · 16/12/2022 20:00

I love the idea of just replying “No thanks”.

Its direct and she can’t complain that you ignored her or that you were rude and you don’t need to get drawn into lengthy explanations/excuses.

Merryoldgoat · 16/12/2022 20:00

I don’t know how you can resist not telling her to fuck off.

I’m glad your daughter is free from the bullies.

poefaced · 16/12/2022 20:00

I think her dd thought your dd would always be there for her to pick up and drop again whenever she wanted, at her beck and call.

You’ve broken that cycle but if you did restart it, her dd will be back to her old tricks.

Reugny · 16/12/2022 20:01

Don't reply and block.

The best thing to do with bullies is ignore them.

If they do end up in the same secondary school, as your DD mental health and self-esteem will have improved plus most of the other children will be different then your DD has no reason to befriend her again.

Dontpokedoggyseyessweetheart · 16/12/2022 20:01

Sounds like the mum is just trying to boost her ego again and is probably a sociopath having the audacity to contact you and causing uset to your LO. Ignore