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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is (yet another) bad day for women?

303 replies

Livingtothefull · 16/12/2022 18:16

On the same day that the male perpetrator is jailed for life for the particularly brutal murder of Megan Newborough, the victims of yet another murder in Kettering are named - a nurse and her two young children. A 52-year-old man has been arrested on suspicion of murder.

AIBU to be saddened, sickened and angered by this? Will it ever end, this catalogue of male violence against women and children?

OP posts:
TruckerBarbie · 16/12/2022 20:35

No, it's unlikely that humans will ever stop murdering each other entirely, even if the murder rate is the lowest it's been in human history.

I don't think social media/technology helps tbh, because in the past we'd only likely hear about local crimes. People would've just carried on with their lives. Of course, unbeknownst to them, the murder rate would have been slightly higher than now but it still wouldn't have had any material difference as the vast majority of us go through our entire lives without being murdered or having a close acquaintance murdered.

EasterIsland · 16/12/2022 21:10

My students and I sometimes talk about what they’ll think in 200 years’ time about things we think are normal, but in the future will appear part of the “barbaric” past. The obvious things - to my undergrads - are eating meat and using fossil fuels.

I respond by saying I think the main thing they’ll think is barbaric in 200 years’ time is that on average, 2 women a week are murdered by their partners or ex-partners in the UK. It’s barbaric now, but we accept it as “normal.”

And there’ll be posters on this thread who’ll say you’re overreacting, I’ll bet my next month’s salary.

Herejustforthisone · 16/12/2022 21:52

I do hope the ‘it’s not male violence, it’s human violence’ twats stay the fuck away from this thread.

Todaynotalways · 16/12/2022 21:54

I can not tell you how tired I am of headlines that can be boiled down to "a man murders a woman"...

It just happens time, and time, and time again. It's not a case of why does this happen, but why does this KEEP HAPPENING?

MissyB1 · 16/12/2022 21:55

YANBU I feel like almost every day now I’m seeing another news item about a murdered woman. Sickening 😢

girlfriend44 · 16/12/2022 21:55

Beggars belief that peo0le want to.murder other human beings on this planet who have done nothing wrong in some cases they don't even know them.

They are not even clever at it, they end up in prison, losing their freedom and hated by others, shaming their families.
Makes no sense at all.

Eatentoomanyroses · 16/12/2022 22:02

I think Margaret Atwood said that men’s fear of women is them laughing at them. Women fear men will kill them. Sobering thought.

girlfriend44 · 16/12/2022 22:07

Todaynotalways · 16/12/2022 21:54

I can not tell you how tired I am of headlines that can be boiled down to "a man murders a woman"...

It just happens time, and time, and time again. It's not a case of why does this happen, but why does this KEEP HAPPENING?

Because there's so many vile and horrible people around, watching vile things online, and nobody is scared or embarrassed about going to prison.

Pallisers · 16/12/2022 22:12

Herejustforthisone · 16/12/2022 21:52

I do hope the ‘it’s not male violence, it’s human violence’ twats stay the fuck away from this thread.

sorry but there in the very first response- humans murdering each other. it isn't humans murdering each other it is mostly men murdering humans.

I don't understand why facing this truth is so controversial. As another poster says murder ruins everyone's life - the victim, the victim's family and friends, the murderer (I suppose if caught - so many get away with it), the murderer's family. The men as murderers statistic seems consistent across cultures and societies. Why wouldn't we want to try to sort that out - for everyone's sake. But oh no it is humans kill, women are violent too. Weird.

thisisasurvivor · 16/12/2022 22:16

Eatentoomanyroses · 16/12/2022 22:02

I think Margaret Atwood said that men’s fear of women is them laughing at them. Women fear men will kill them. Sobering thought.

Yes too true

I escaped the most horrific violence

He sailed through court
Lied and lied

I was put down for using my intellect as a tool against him

Fck these abusive bastards

Spambod · 16/12/2022 22:17

Yanbu. I think we are all conditioned to it. Men women and children we are all conditioned to male violence. It has a huge impact on our lives it shapes our world and the way we live. Can you imagine what life would be like if men committed crime in the same way as women. Life for all of us society, jobs, homes would be completely upended. I don’t know why we put up with it. Men that are dangerous are catastrophic.

Nursejackie1 · 16/12/2022 22:27

Yes fuck the humans murdering humans bullshit. It’s men murdering women. Men murdering children. Men murdering men. Sick of it.

Nursejackie1 · 16/12/2022 22:31

Also upthread “because there’s so many vile and horrible people around”

Should read “there’s so many vile and horrible MEN around”.

why are people so insistent on ignoring this blatant fact that it’s Men doing the overwhelming majority of these crimes. It’s gendered. It’s fact. We need to name it.

TruckerBarbie · 17/12/2022 01:40

Of course it's horrible when it happens, but it's extremely rare in proportion to the size of the population. I don't mean to downplay the seriousness of it when it does happen, but I don't see why people on here become so fixated on it.

If I was looking at ways to reduce the number of female deaths, looking at this would be way down the list as it kills about a 100 women a year, not thousands like many other things do.

echt · 17/12/2022 01:44

TruckerBarbie · 17/12/2022 01:40

Of course it's horrible when it happens, but it's extremely rare in proportion to the size of the population. I don't mean to downplay the seriousness of it when it does happen, but I don't see why people on here become so fixated on it.

If I was looking at ways to reduce the number of female deaths, looking at this would be way down the list as it kills about a 100 women a year, not thousands like many other things do.

So you're balancing the killing of women by men with, say, cervical cancer?

Fuck that noise.

TruckerBarbie · 17/12/2022 01:59

Sorry, I think it's just an excuse to moan about men for many.

If we say two women a week are murdered and there are about 34m men in the UK, then approx 0.0003% of men are murderers.

A good way to tell if something is bigoted is to substitute a different group. So how about calling Muslims a generally homophobic group based on the fact that when surveyed approx 50% think gay people should be imprisoned?

I'll bet this would be a controversial statement, but how can we say one group are violent when 0.0003% of them kill, but not be able to say another group are homophobic when around 50% espouse homophobic views?

I don't expect a proper answer to that question tbh.

mackthepony · 17/12/2022 02:01

If I was looking at ways to reduce the number of female deaths, looking at this would be way down the list as it kills about a 100 women a year

^

Sorry, do you understand what you just said? 100 women aka, human beings per year? Who die unnecessarily? At the hands of men? And you wonder why we kick up a fuss?

TruckerBarbie · 17/12/2022 02:06

mackthepony · 17/12/2022 02:01

If I was looking at ways to reduce the number of female deaths, looking at this would be way down the list as it kills about a 100 women a year

^

Sorry, do you understand what you just said? 100 women aka, human beings per year? Who die unnecessarily? At the hands of men? And you wonder why we kick up a fuss?

Yes, it's a horrible figure and genuinely terrible for the families of the victims. But the fact is that you can't generalise about a demographic based on the actions of 0.0003% of them, even if other demographics have lower figures.

It speaks about the nature of the 104 murderers, not the 99.99999% of men that don't murder. And the people always moaning about men tend to be a particular type of poster shall we say.

Furries · 17/12/2022 02:40

TruckerBarbie · 17/12/2022 02:06

Yes, it's a horrible figure and genuinely terrible for the families of the victims. But the fact is that you can't generalise about a demographic based on the actions of 0.0003% of them, even if other demographics have lower figures.

It speaks about the nature of the 104 murderers, not the 99.99999% of men that don't murder. And the people always moaning about men tend to be a particular type of poster shall we say.

Show quote history

Lovely, an apologist.

There should not be anything wrong with shouting about the number of people who are murdered by men. Never. Let alone the women who may not be murdered, but are stuck in situations controlled by men.

And bog off with your “particular type of poster” nonsense.

OlympicProcrastinator · 17/12/2022 02:50

Yes, it's a horrible figure and genuinely terrible for the families of the victims. But the fact is that you can't generalise about a demographic based on the actions of 0.0003% of them, even if other demographics have lower figures

You've taken the figures of women killed per annum.
You have not considered the total number of murders (750) average per year in the UK
The number of attempted murders.
The number of sexual crimes.
The overall number of violent crimes.

The fact that well over 90% of these are committed by MEN.

So do one with your ‘certain kind of poster’ and 0.0003% shite.

TruckerBarbie · 17/12/2022 02:58

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OlympicProcrastinator · 17/12/2022 03:05

@TruckerBarbie so you can’t see the difference between racist, sexist tropes and facts?

Ive reported your post it’s vile.

Furries · 17/12/2022 03:07

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Seriously, fuck off with your apologist shit/whataboutery/squirrel-throwing.

The majority of violent crimes are committed by men.

tillytown · 17/12/2022 03:16

TruckerBarbie · 17/12/2022 01:59

Sorry, I think it's just an excuse to moan about men for many.

If we say two women a week are murdered and there are about 34m men in the UK, then approx 0.0003% of men are murderers.

A good way to tell if something is bigoted is to substitute a different group. So how about calling Muslims a generally homophobic group based on the fact that when surveyed approx 50% think gay people should be imprisoned?

I'll bet this would be a controversial statement, but how can we say one group are violent when 0.0003% of them kill, but not be able to say another group are homophobic when around 50% espouse homophobic views?

I don't expect a proper answer to that question tbh.

Women talking about male violence isn't moaning about men, its talking about something that affects each and every one of us, male and female. Instead of trying to stop women from talking about our lives, go talk to some men about how to stop hurting people.
Its mind blowing how someone can know the rates of rape, domestic violence, murder, stalking, sexual harassment and abuse, and still decide that its bigoted to hold men accountable for any of it,

echt · 17/12/2022 03:30

Sorry, I think it's just an excuse to moan about men for many

Sorry my arse.

I'm not racist but.......

A prefatory sorry = not sorry at all, so own it.