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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell him not to send the presents with his name on...

233 replies

Jinglejangle09 · 15/12/2022 16:44

From when my children were born we always said all presents were from Santa - even presents from family were just put in with what Santa had bought. We said this to all family and they were obviously under no obligation to buy for the children as they wouldn't get any credit for it.
Most family were fine with it (or at least didn't say anything to my face!).
Kids are now 7 and 8 and both still believe.
My Dad has messaged this year saying oh we are going to put messages on as we want them to know who they are from. I have gone back to him and said that he should save them for the kids birthdays if he wants them to be from him. Both birthdays Jan and Feb anyway.
AIBU? I just don't really know how I can change the whole gifting from Santa now. I maybe should have thought more about it when they were younger.

OP posts:
mrsDracoMalfoy · 15/12/2022 16:46

So your kids think Santa gets everything and their family gets them nothing? Bit odd but up to you I guess.

Ibouncetothebeat · 15/12/2022 16:48

Mmmm, I think YABU. This sounds a bit precious and your children are old enough for you to let it go now. Why can’t they receive presents from family and show some gratitude for them? In the grand scheme of things it won’t affect their belief in Santa to know that grandad sent them a gift. This tradition is all about you at this point, let it go.

MammaWeasel · 15/12/2022 16:49

I agree with @Ibouncetothebeat yabvu

Mamamia7962 · 15/12/2022 16:51

You are being unreasonable. Can't you say that when they were younger Santa didn't put labels on the presents as they couldn't read but some of them were from family. Now they are older, Santa is going to still deliver all the presents that family have bought but they can now see who the present is from. The ones without labels are from Santa.

Macaroni46 · 15/12/2022 16:51

YABU. Sounds OTT to me. Just let your relatives write messages on their presents and use it as an opportunity for your DC to practise writing thank you letters. If you want to explain the Santa side of things, why not say that as children get older, Santa brings fewer presents.

ChessieDarling · 15/12/2022 16:51

What a bizarre set up. So weird that you’d rather your children ‘believe’ Father Christmas gives them loads of gifts but their family don’t bother. I’m not surprised your dad has decided enough is enough.

Rolandoratto · 15/12/2022 16:53

It’s not the first time I’ve heard this but it’s always really surprised me! In my family the presents were from who bought them. The Santa presents were bought by the parents and were completely separate to all other gifts.

Why do people do this? No one can buy a gift for a child and have the credit and appreciation from the child for it. It’s weird I’m sorry but it is.

RudsyFarmer · 15/12/2022 16:53

I think you need to find a way to undo this tradition. It’s a bit bizarre.

NerrSnerr · 15/12/2022 16:53

YABVU. Do the children have cousins? What would happen if a cousin said 'Nan and grandad got me this great toy!' And your children would wonder why Nan and grandad didn't bother with them.

Sort Santa from you and let others give them gifts actually from them.

TinaYouFatLard · 15/12/2022 16:54

YABVU

EVHead · 15/12/2022 16:56

YABU that’s daft. I’d be really annoyed if I’d bought a present and it was passed off as a Santa present.

If your kids query it maybe you could say family start giving presents when children are old enough to understand what Christmas is about.

ForgetBarbie · 15/12/2022 16:56

Why would you do this? So your kids don’t ever call family members to say ‘thanks so much for the presents!’ Very weird set up you have there

Brefugee · 15/12/2022 16:57

YABU and if i were your parents i wouldn't ever have given presents under these conditions. It is a bit odd.
How are you going to handle the "i want 2 iPhones an iPad and a designer handbag, it's ok Santa pays for it all" that are going to result from this?

AreOttersJustWetCats · 15/12/2022 16:58

So your DC never send thank you letters to family? It's not a great tradition, is it?

MakingNBaking · 15/12/2022 16:58

I think you need to make the transition to the stocking/bits and bobs presents being from Santa, and others being from family.
MIL generally buys a 'proper' present from her, and a small thing from Santa. She's always done this for the 40 years I've known her, although I suspect her sons aged 57 and 55 have twigged.
Maybe this year Santa wants to be fairer to children in all the countries, so is passing some of his responsibility to Grannies and Grandads etc.

seasidegirl83 · 15/12/2022 16:58

I think you are being unreasonable. If you want all the presents you buy them to be from Santa that's fair enough, but other family members should be able to give gifts from them and see the happiness it brings your children.
I think you need to consider how you can undo this tradition as it's actually quite unfair to your family members.

Rowen32 · 15/12/2022 16:58

That's so awful so your family have been buying presents all these years and can't even embrace the joy, appreciation and gratitude that comes from it..
Why on earth say all presents are from Santa? That makes no sense.
They could have had lovely memories growing up of receiving presents from others and the specialness that comes from 'Grandad got me that for my first Christmas' etc..
I would really undo this as much as possible..

Popfan · 15/12/2022 16:58

Massively unreasonable! Your children won't even blink if you said these are from FC and these from grandad etc.

AmyDudley · 15/12/2022 16:59

I think your children are old enough now to be told santa brings stockings and the presents from you (if that's what you want) but other family members give gifts at Christmas too becaue they are kind/want to celebrate/ are thinking about the children and want to treat them/ etc.
I think at 7 and 8 they should be appreciating gifts from others and thanking them for them. It won't stop them believing in santa to say 'and grandad sent you a little something too'. surely they think it is a bit odd that other kids at school get gifts from family but their family don't bother? and also it is quite rude to not let your parents be acknowledged and thanked.

abblie · 15/12/2022 17:00

Yes very unreasonable why is santa getting all the credit ???

Eixample · 15/12/2022 17:00

You probably won’t even need to explain it because they will just be happy about the presents but you can say grandparents have decided to help Father Christmas out from now on

DuplicateUserName · 15/12/2022 17:00

This has to be a joke surely?

Your kids don't know that their own family have taken the time and money to buy and wrap presents for them?

Blimey, I'd be pissed off if I were them.

KitchiHuritAngeni · 15/12/2022 17:02

You're lucky they buy your kids gift after not even getting a word of thanks for all these years.

What possessed you to do this in the first place.

Let them give gifts from themselves and get the thanks and the cuddles, it seems bizarre that you would rather keep up this ill thought out tradition than allow gifts from grandparents.

Iknowhim · 15/12/2022 17:02

I've never heard of every single present being from Santa and I think it's weird and unfair on family or friends buying them gifts.

In our house, Santa brought stockings, main presents came from parents and then there were gifts from aunties etc

You're kind of stuck now as I don't know how you're going to dial back from this without blowing the Santa thing if they do still belong (are you sure?).

willithappen · 15/12/2022 17:03

You are being totally unreasonable. People can buy your children things and expect them to know it's from them. It doesn't go against believing in Santa to get presents from other people

Plus, it will be a huge shock to them when they find out it's literally everyone that's Santa

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