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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell him not to send the presents with his name on...

233 replies

Jinglejangle09 · 15/12/2022 16:44

From when my children were born we always said all presents were from Santa - even presents from family were just put in with what Santa had bought. We said this to all family and they were obviously under no obligation to buy for the children as they wouldn't get any credit for it.
Most family were fine with it (or at least didn't say anything to my face!).
Kids are now 7 and 8 and both still believe.
My Dad has messaged this year saying oh we are going to put messages on as we want them to know who they are from. I have gone back to him and said that he should save them for the kids birthdays if he wants them to be from him. Both birthdays Jan and Feb anyway.
AIBU? I just don't really know how I can change the whole gifting from Santa now. I maybe should have thought more about it when they were younger.

OP posts:
Skeldale · 15/12/2022 18:16

@jannier I'm not sure how what I've written equates into raising ungrateful non thank you saying children!

When my children were tiny you would have to tell them "say thank you to Auntie Jean", now they're older and I mean 9 and 6 they know when to say thank you and do so without asking.

We've managed to transition to presents coming from wider family AND Santa Claus without any high drama.

BabyFour2023 · 15/12/2022 18:18

So your children think not a single member of their family buys them a gift? God how sad :(

Reindeersnooker · 15/12/2022 18:18

This isn't very kind to your children's friends who may make assumptions about what they're going to get from Santa or how good they have been. It's more community spirited to have Santa giving small affordable gifts.

And don't you want your kids to know their family loves them? I don't know what you were thinking.

tolerable · 15/12/2022 18:21

Dont you get the kids to do "presents" for family? ..when they wee they cant read\arent likely to know is anyone but santa...
its pretty rude of you tbh -at very least they off school-can spend a whole day on thank you cards

FTY765 · 15/12/2022 18:24

YABU. I wouldn't even have entertained it if I was buying for someone else!

You can do what you like of course, but I think it's a bit mean to not let family take credit or even get a thank you from the children.

lemmein · 15/12/2022 18:25

Haven't RTFT but this reminded me of a story Jack Dee told about his little girls birthday. They'd bought her a huge dolls house and arranged it to be wrapped and delivered for her birthday. The little girl opened the door to the postie holding her huge present and she was over the moon.

Later the grandparents visited and ask the DD what she'd got off her mum and dad for her birthday and she replied 'nothing....but the postman bought me a HUGE dolls house!' Grin

You are being massively UR OP; let your family share in the joy of watching your children open the gifts they have bought and paid for!

Togoodtobeforgotten · 15/12/2022 18:30

You are being very unkind in fact if you were a family member of mine I would just not buy your children anything how ungrateful that you don't want them to acknowledge gifts they have bought for your children.

Crunchandjudy · 15/12/2022 18:30

This is possibly one of the most obviously unreasonable posts I’ve seen on here

Inserthiliarioususernamehere · 15/12/2022 18:31

I think you need to put a stop to the ‘Santa only’ presents too. Santa brings little gifts in our family and big presents are from their loving grown ups. I work with children, It’s horrible to hear some saying how much Santa brought them when other kids get very little, or nothing at all.

5128gap · 15/12/2022 18:33

You should let your family give the children presents with their names on. Just because you're their mother I don't think you get to dictate every (harmless) interaction your children have with their other relatives in accordance with your own (unusual) preferences. As for denying your children the gifts because people understandably don't want to comply with your rules, well, I think that's highly unfair and not in your children's interests at all.

Abraxan · 15/12/2022 18:33

Yabu.

Of course grandparents want to buy for their grandchildren. Of course they should be allowed to put their name on it.

This wasn't how FC worked in our house. Doesn't seem a very fair system.

ittakes2 · 15/12/2022 18:34

I don’t get why you are against this - does it mean you buy less presents because of this and don’t want to lose that? I am sure the kids think it’s weird they don’t get presents from grandparents?
I can imagine everyone thought you were crazy when you came up with this looney idea and no one said anything. Hats off to your very understanding family!

TheKitchenWitch · 15/12/2022 18:36

What on earth gives you the right to take a present for your children that someone else has chosen and bought for them and then pretend that it came from Santa? That is utterly bizarre in every possible way. If you want to put up with the charade of Santa being real (utter madness imo), then go for it, but using family presents to prop up the lie? Fuck that. YABVVVVU

WandaWonder · 15/12/2022 18:40

To me it is nothing about giving credit it or not just none of it makes sense

Stripedbag101 · 15/12/2022 18:44

as an aunt I put a lot of thought into gifts. I write personal messages in books - I buy things that we have enjoyed doing together.

my sister and brother in law buy the Santa presents. They don’t use mine to add to the Santa pile. This would make me really unhappy.

you are right to end this. The children need to know their family members buy them lovely gift for Christmas. They need to say thank you.

how awful for them to think their grandparents don’t buy them Christmas gifts. Awful situations.

bfc1980 · 15/12/2022 18:49

My parents did Christmas this way also and I never thanked them on Christmas day as it was Santa who got the presents for us. As an adult now, I really feel like I didn't appreciate how hard they worked to buy so many gifts for me and my brothers. Especially as we were quite poor.

As a parent, my kids get 2 gifts each from Santa (usually something small - dd wants a talking parrot toy and ds wants Fifa 23 this year). It was usually just 1 gift each but since me and their mum have split up, they now get a gift at each house. All other presents are bought by me and their mum and because of this they appreciate that it's us buying the bulk of their presents.

Zanatdy · 15/12/2022 19:00

I think that’s a bit odd to have family presents from Santa. Why can’t Santa bring gifts from him, but other people give a gift direct to the child? In my house Santa was merely the delivery guy, nothing was actually from him. But if find it quite rude to have to tell family that the kids won’t be thanking you as they are from Santa.

Zanatdy · 15/12/2022 19:03

Jinglejangle09 · 15/12/2022 17:14

I agree with you all, I went with what I knew from my childhood before I had really thought it thought then it just carried on each year. I think it was my Mum who said to me something along the lines of 'oh they will say it doesn't matter if I am naughty Grandma will just get it for me'
You are all right I do need to think of a way of undoing it and maybe it's a letter that says as they are getting older santa will bring less.
I really don't think my family have had a big problem with it, my Mum has always said she doesn't buy for the credit.

It’s very easy to undo it, as someone suggested just say now they can read there will be labels. Kids at that age believe anything.

12345mummy · 15/12/2022 19:05

YANBU - every family has its own different story and I’m always happy to take the parents lead on what they’ve told their children. OP cannot just change the story now, so I believe that grandparents etc should continue to go along with it. The children will realise in years to come and can say their thank you’s then. For me it’s all about the children and as a gift giver I’d be happy for them to believe Santa provided my present as long as they’re happy!

EmmaDilemma5 · 15/12/2022 19:05

That's really sad for your kids to think no one in their family cares to get them a gift.

And very weird of you.

If I were your family, I'd wait til you were in the kitchen and tell them that I bought it.

howdoesatoastermaketoast · 15/12/2022 19:13

I understand the whole I made a decision a few years ago and feel stuck now - and clearly you can't go back in time.

You're kids have got to the age where thank you letters are called for. Could you try with some presents are from Santa and some are from relatives like Grandma and Grandad. Assuming you will see them at some point over Christmas could the GPs hand over the wrapped and labelled present but the presents that magically appear under the tree are 'from santa'?

Hard to know what the best thing to do from here but good luck

darjeelingrose · 15/12/2022 19:15

Nobody buys for the credit, surely? What a weird idea. But giving the children in my family a gift for Christmas, is a way of showing them how much I care, that I have thought about them and want to get them something they will like. Christmas is about giving, not just receiving, and you've made it all about receiving.

Pearshaped20 · 15/12/2022 19:20

We always had presents from santa and presents from mum and dad and family. Santa's presents had different paper and no tags

WandaWonder · 15/12/2022 19:23

I guess my biggest issue with this is the need to control others in how they are with your children

They are not doing anything harmful, mind you it is notcthe first time this has been mentioned, in general I mean

Greyarea12 · 15/12/2022 19:24

Jinglejangle09 · 15/12/2022 17:14

I agree with you all, I went with what I knew from my childhood before I had really thought it thought then it just carried on each year. I think it was my Mum who said to me something along the lines of 'oh they will say it doesn't matter if I am naughty Grandma will just get it for me'
You are all right I do need to think of a way of undoing it and maybe it's a letter that says as they are getting older santa will bring less.
I really don't think my family have had a big problem with it, my Mum has always said she doesn't buy for the credit.

At their age they won't know if santa gets them less as they unlikely remember how many presents santa got them last year. A simple X, Y and Z are getting you presents this year because as you get older santa doesnt bring you as much. Kids will be excited. Job done.

Personally I wouldn't buy a present for a niece/nephew if it was being passed off as Santa's present.

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