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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell him not to send the presents with his name on...

233 replies

Jinglejangle09 · 15/12/2022 16:44

From when my children were born we always said all presents were from Santa - even presents from family were just put in with what Santa had bought. We said this to all family and they were obviously under no obligation to buy for the children as they wouldn't get any credit for it.
Most family were fine with it (or at least didn't say anything to my face!).
Kids are now 7 and 8 and both still believe.
My Dad has messaged this year saying oh we are going to put messages on as we want them to know who they are from. I have gone back to him and said that he should save them for the kids birthdays if he wants them to be from him. Both birthdays Jan and Feb anyway.
AIBU? I just don't really know how I can change the whole gifting from Santa now. I maybe should have thought more about it when they were younger.

OP posts:
skyeisthelimit · 15/12/2022 17:53

Sorry, but I do think YABU. I have never heard of anyone saying that Santa brings everything. Part of our Christmas fun was putting the presents around the tree and wondering what was in them.

Santa gives the stocking and the main gift here, (I know some people do stocking only from Santa). although DD is old enough to know the truth now. Other presents are from the giver never from Santa.

You could say that although Santa brings the presents, he has collected them from the various people , so just tell everyone it's ok to label them and then put them around the tree. Every one will be very relieved I'm sure...

mynewname25 · 15/12/2022 17:53

My kids are 6 and 3 and we usually do stockings and a few non expensive gifts that are from santa. the rest,and in particular any expensive gifts, are from mummy and daddy . all gifts from family are from family.

i was always worried mine would say to a friend that santa got them a bike and then their friend might only have got a pair of socks from santa and been upset.

my MIL annoys me tho as she comes over with masses of gifts for the DC later in the day and says they are from Santa!

KingscoteStaff · 15/12/2022 17:54

Stockings are from Santa, not tree presents.

Reigateforever · 15/12/2022 17:55

Class friends usually spill the beans. I pretended till I was seven for my parents sake. Then I had to write thank-you letters to all.

SnowlayRoundabout · 15/12/2022 17:58

Essentially you are making your relatives subsidise Santa. If you want Santa to give your children more presents, you are going to have to buy them yourselves.

My children always had Santa presents first thing in the morning, whilst presents from relatives went under the Christmas tree and were opened after breakfast. It in no way dented their belief in Santa.

musingsinmidlife · 15/12/2022 18:01

If your kids talk to other kids, they must wonder why Santa is so generous to them but not their classmates and why their families don't give them any gifts at Christmas.

jannier · 15/12/2022 18:01

Jinglejangle09 · 15/12/2022 17:14

I agree with you all, I went with what I knew from my childhood before I had really thought it thought then it just carried on each year. I think it was my Mum who said to me something along the lines of 'oh they will say it doesn't matter if I am naughty Grandma will just get it for me'
You are all right I do need to think of a way of undoing it and maybe it's a letter that says as they are getting older santa will bring less.
I really don't think my family have had a big problem with it, my Mum has always said she doesn't buy for the credit.

Do your mum didn't want to loose the bribery of be good or Santa won't buy you....and put that before how either the children or the giftee would feel and you just carried it on because it's all you knew. I think I'd be saying that Santa has asked if mummy and family can help him as there are lots of children who need extra help with food etc so he's really busy and wants you to buy some of the gifts.

PinsetAndTwirls · 15/12/2022 18:02

My DC write to FC and he generally obliges.

Anything from 'outsiders' (grandparents etc) come from them and have to be acknowledged by letter (not email or text).

DC are 18+ and they know that only people who believe in FC receive presents. Grin

niugboo · 15/12/2022 18:04

You’re totally unreasonable.

consider why you’re kids only behave themselves if they’re given presents.

you’ve failed to teach them kindness, gratitude, all of it.

Whatwouldnanado · 15/12/2022 18:04

This seems weird to me on many levels. Just change it. It's not too late to get them to do a letter thanking Santa for last year's haul and this year, because they're getting more grown up, asking nicely for one special thing and an extra (cheaper) suggestion as a spare. Santa brings this and a stocking. The rest comes from whoever is kind enough to think of them. Thank you letters for things that arrive by post too. Grt them involved in family gift shopping and wrapping and donate to charity so they get to understand it's just as nice to give as receive at Christmas.

Appleass · 15/12/2022 18:05

Yes you are unreasonable and extremely rude ! What gives you the right to decide how your childrens relations gift them their presents ! Never seen such rubbish !

PayPennies · 15/12/2022 18:05

What?

Youve created a situation where your children believe that a strange man (who doesn’t exist) brings them gifts but their loving kind human family members made of flesh and blood give them nothing for Xmas?

bonkers.

I say this as mum of a 7 year old (who’d laugh me out of the house if I tried convincing him about men climbing down chimneys) and a nearly 3 year old with whom we’ve neither confirmed nor denied and nor raised the business of Santa. Strangely enough there is plenty of fun and merriment around still despite us clearly being grinches.

Andsoforth · 15/12/2022 18:07

Why would your dc be bothered? From their point of view Santa will have left them gifts AND gran and grandad will have sent something.

Put their gifts under the tree early on Christmas Eve, and if they notice a drop in volume, you could say that Santa saw they already have some presents. He has to make sure he has enough for other children who might not have generous grandparents.

TempyBrennan · 15/12/2022 18:07

I’m here to echo everyone else!
your kids are the ones at school who Santa spoilt while I was the one Santa only got one thing.

YABU, every gift from Santa is ott.

jannier · 15/12/2022 18:08

Skeldale · 15/12/2022 17:35

We did this in the days my children were very young - think babies until maybe 3/4. Now they are slightly older we say everything that's downstairs when they come down on Christmas morning is from Santa Claus. Then when people arrive with gifts we say they are from whomever brings them. They don't seem to question why we as parents don't buy them anything.

I'm surprised how many people on here say part of the giving is getting the thanks and the gratitude though. I can understand that when gifting to an adult but not to a child! I'd rather preserve the joy of Christmas than receive thanks from a child.

At what age do you teach children basic manners and to be grateful for things? Do you not ask children to say thank you if passed something, given a drink or helped with a coat. Is it okay to be rude until your 11 or 16 then suddenly start saying thank you?

Unicorn717 · 15/12/2022 18:09

If I'd given a present to a kid and didn't get a thank you I probably wouldn't even bother again. (Not that this is their fault).

Do you not feel bad that grandparents etc are just expected to buy presents that are made out to be from Santa?

Surely this has got to be some kid of wind up otherwise it's really rude.

DreamingOfAGreenChristmas · 15/12/2022 18:09

You don't need to do anything - there will still be Santa presents, will there not? Then just let other relatives give presents..

You could give one of your Santa presents from you...the kids really won't be conting and adding up presents, just excited, surely?

Don't get involved in any further pretences.

BodenseeBoden · 15/12/2022 18:10

When I was little, we always believed that all presents are from Santa , and I haven’t heard about separating presents from Santa and family/friends before moving to the UK.

However, people would give us presents in person, and say that Santa dropped it off for us at their place.

That way, we still believed the present was from Santa, but we still thanked the person we actually got it from. Maybe a middle ground like that would be ok for your father?

Theskyisfallingdown · 15/12/2022 18:11

What @PayPennies said.

You’ve brought your kids up having never said ‘thank you!’ to anyone on Christmas, to think people who love them don’t get them gifts, you don’t get to make demands of relatives who are doing something nice.

ohioriver · 15/12/2022 18:13

Wow.

Milkand2sugarsplease · 15/12/2022 18:13

I think you're overthinking it to be fair. I think they'd be fine with presents under the tree from you and family in the run up to Xmas and then the Santa presents arriving on Christmas Eve. You don't need to explain anything to them imo.

DreamingOfAGreenChristmas · 15/12/2022 18:13

I think you should say sorry to your Dad. Pretty graceless, really, to tell him that if he doesn't buy for the Santa sack he shouldn't give his grandchildren a present at all. Your poor Dad!

Hugasauras · 15/12/2022 18:14

YABU. Silly idea and I think it's sad that children don't know who has bought stuff for them.

alwayscheery · 15/12/2022 18:15

I would say Santa delivers the presents.

Notimeforaname · 15/12/2022 18:16

So your children get all the presents and dont have to thank anyone. Cool..