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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell him not to send the presents with his name on...

233 replies

Jinglejangle09 · 15/12/2022 16:44

From when my children were born we always said all presents were from Santa - even presents from family were just put in with what Santa had bought. We said this to all family and they were obviously under no obligation to buy for the children as they wouldn't get any credit for it.
Most family were fine with it (or at least didn't say anything to my face!).
Kids are now 7 and 8 and both still believe.
My Dad has messaged this year saying oh we are going to put messages on as we want them to know who they are from. I have gone back to him and said that he should save them for the kids birthdays if he wants them to be from him. Both birthdays Jan and Feb anyway.
AIBU? I just don't really know how I can change the whole gifting from Santa now. I maybe should have thought more about it when they were younger.

OP posts:
Snoopystick · 15/12/2022 17:04

You’ve dug a bit of a hole for yourself. We’ve only ever given one present from Santa, and none now the kids are older. Although it was somewhat awkward when they were very young and everything their cousins got was from Santa. Personally it is lovely for them to have gifts from people, shows them that they are thought of and starts them knowing the value of things. It’s also lovely for kids to start making presents for their relatives.

Cas112 · 15/12/2022 17:08

Why don't you just put Santa on your presents and let your family out there name on? So odd

jtaeapa · 15/12/2022 17:09

I think this is odd, sorry. The kids ought to know their grandad bought them the present. Why can't they have it in addition to what santa brings them?

CombatBarbie · 15/12/2022 17:10

This is really odd. Most do main present from santa or the stocking.... Not all the presents.

jannier · 15/12/2022 17:11

What was the thinking behind your plan? When your children are handed gifts from a school friend don't they think it's odd? How do they cope with other children talking about what family and friends have them?

If I sent presents and didn't get thanked I'd think they were very rude

beachcitygirl · 15/12/2022 17:12

Hugely unreasonable & quite despicable actually.

Neverhot · 15/12/2022 17:12

Yabvu.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 15/12/2022 17:14

YABU!!!
Please undo this now. It's a terrible message to give children.

DuplicateUserName · 15/12/2022 17:14

Also trying to get my head around what a 7 and 8 year old must be thinking when their friends tell them about the presents their parents/grandparents etc bought them.

Do they never wonder why no-one bothers buying them anything?

Original poster
Jinglejangle09 · 15/12/2022 17:14

I agree with you all, I went with what I knew from my childhood before I had really thought it thought then it just carried on each year. I think it was my Mum who said to me something along the lines of 'oh they will say it doesn't matter if I am naughty Grandma will just get it for me'
You are all right I do need to think of a way of undoing it and maybe it's a letter that says as they are getting older santa will bring less.
I really don't think my family have had a big problem with it, my Mum has always said she doesn't buy for the credit.

OP posts:
startingline · 15/12/2022 17:14

I'd be really upset if I weren't allowed to send my grandkids Christmas presents from me. I'd not bother and be really hurt

Justmuddlingalong · 15/12/2022 17:14

So, your DC have never sent a thank you note for gifts they received for Christmas? Instead, they think it's all from Santa. That's a disgrace and you're responsible for that.

25anxi · 15/12/2022 17:15

never heard anything so strange. yabvu

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 15/12/2022 17:15

You are being so unreasonable - your family are spending money and effort on your ids and you’re actively discouraging them saying thank you!! Frankly I can’t believe the put up with this for 8 years!

We always say granny and grandad send the presents to Santa who delivers them to us. It’s not hard with a bit of imagination

WaddleAway · 15/12/2022 17:15

Don’t your kids wonder why other people get gifts from family members and they don’t?

MuthaHubbard · 15/12/2022 17:16

Brefugee · 15/12/2022 16:57

YABU and if i were your parents i wouldn't ever have given presents under these conditions. It is a bit odd.
How are you going to handle the "i want 2 iPhones an iPad and a designer handbag, it's ok Santa pays for it all" that are going to result from this?

This

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 15/12/2022 17:16

I also think “no obligation to buy” is a bit rude. So family are deprived of the opportunity to give your kids gifts because some made up bloke gets the credit for it

Hankunamatata · 15/12/2022 17:16

It's just good manners to get the kids to say thank you or write thank you notes for presents. Havnt they questioned why there are kids who don't get presents

FantasticButtocks · 15/12/2022 17:18

YABU how ridiculous! So anyone buying your children presents for Christmas, gets no thank you letters or phone calls of appreciation from your children? I'm sure they don't do it for that reason, they do it out of the goodness of their hearts, but it is nice to be appreciated. Also, this rather elaborate lie, why on earth was it ever necessary? Where did you get the idea of pretending that no actual real humans buy them presents for Christmas? I think you do a disservice both to your dc, and to your generous relatives. Very unreasonable.

To actually go as far as telling the grandparents not to add gift tags, how incredibly rude that is! You are lucky that family members think of your dcs and buy them gifts, but instead you are trying to control how they do that. So cheeky.

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/12/2022 17:18

Oh dear. Well they don’t want to play the game anymore so graciously accept these nice gifts and make your kids say thank you! Our only Father Christmas gifts are in stockings and the teens just go along with it, I don’t put thought, money and effort into gifts to give someone else credit, no matter how fantastical they may be…

WhatHappenedToYoyos · 15/12/2022 17:19

I think this is a great opportunity (and age) to transition them out of this tradition.

Put it down to them being older, Santa getting older, etc. Fill stockings or a sack with what you want to be from "Santa" for them to open first but then explain Santa can't get everything so you shared their list with family and friends because they have been good DCs.

They get just as many presents so the excitement is still there. Maybe they will think they've got more as now family and friends are buying for them too.

We don't really mention Santa too much in our house except the odd suggestion we'd let Santa know they want X, Y, Z. On Christmas day, we won't mention that Santa bought the gifts as that's not true, but we won't ruin it and say he's not real! We just say this is from Auntie or Granny etc.

aSofaNearYou · 15/12/2022 17:20

YABU, you really should not have done this in the first place.

FlamingJingleBells · 15/12/2022 17:21

I had a friend like this and people stopped buying her kids Christmas gifts. Then she was pissed off that nobody bought the kids anything. Her kids were also spoilt entitled brats who went round saying that nobody cared because they didn't buy them gifts. Only Santa cared because he was the only one who bought them anything. Give your head a wobble.

EndlessRain1 · 15/12/2022 17:21

YABU. People should be able to buy your kid's presents and those presents to be from them. Your set up is frankly bizarre.

sunlovingcriminal · 15/12/2022 17:21

I wouldn't write a letter, I'd just label some gifts from Father Christmas, and put your family gifts alongside them. They're unlikely to even notice the change in the excitement. The letter just adds a level of weirdness.

If they do ask, just breeze over it and say "oh, it's just a different set up this year".

Come a few years time you'll be wanting them to really have figured it out regardless, before starting secondary at least!

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