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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell him not to send the presents with his name on...

233 replies

Jinglejangle09 · 15/12/2022 16:44

From when my children were born we always said all presents were from Santa - even presents from family were just put in with what Santa had bought. We said this to all family and they were obviously under no obligation to buy for the children as they wouldn't get any credit for it.
Most family were fine with it (or at least didn't say anything to my face!).
Kids are now 7 and 8 and both still believe.
My Dad has messaged this year saying oh we are going to put messages on as we want them to know who they are from. I have gone back to him and said that he should save them for the kids birthdays if he wants them to be from him. Both birthdays Jan and Feb anyway.
AIBU? I just don't really know how I can change the whole gifting from Santa now. I maybe should have thought more about it when they were younger.

OP posts:
MrsWhites · 15/12/2022 17:22

Can you just say something like ‘usually grandma/grandpa sends your presents to Santa and he checks whether you are on the good list before delivering them but this year they are so certain you are on the good list they don’t need to send them to Santa first’.

itmustbemyage · 15/12/2022 17:23

Why would you teach your children that they are so much more deserving of gifts from Father Christmas than every other child? I’m busy sorting out gifts in my SW job right now for children who will get maybe no other gift than this one from a charity. They’ll get this one or maybe two from “Father Christmas” then have to go to school with one of your children talking about the piles of gifts they get from Father Christmas. Bad enough for these children to be given a difficult start in life without thinking that Father Christmas doesn’t like them as much as he does other children on top of that. You are being so unreasonable.

PortiasBiscuit · 15/12/2022 17:23

If I go to the trouble of buying someone else’s kid a present, I at least want the glory.
Still does away with the hoary issue of Thank you letters I suppose.

Chikapu · 15/12/2022 17:25

Who do your children thank for their presents or don't they bother?

LatestUserName · 15/12/2022 17:26

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Vimto1 · 15/12/2022 17:26

This is literally the opposite of how everyone I know does it.

Usually, there's a small/few gifts from Santa and the rest from family. 1) so everyone experiences the gift giving/recieving 2) so the kids know people have put time, money and effort into their presents and they don't come for free from Santa and 3) so other kids who don't get as much or a year where money is tighter, they'll still get the same from Santa but maybe less from family (which is much easier to explain without the kid feeling that Santa thinks they're bad/left them out)

Sorry but I think YABU

FantasticButtocks · 15/12/2022 17:27

Also, you really don't need to make a big deal out of putting this right. Just say to the kids - how lovely this is what Santa has brought you for your stockings... And these other presents under the tree... let's have a look. Oh this one's from grandma. Oh this one is from auntie Jean, how nice of grandpa etc. you are making a much bigger deal out of this than you need to, honestly. Your dc are hardly going to object are they? Like for everyone else, Santa brings stocking presents only.

And other people sometimes send or bring gifts.

Do you help your dcs to buy Christmas presents for others?

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 15/12/2022 17:27

Personally I wouldn’t like that system at all. Can’t you tell the kids that this year your family members have told Santa that they’d really like to buy them some presents themselves? I’d have thought Santa would be only too pleased - a few less for him to have to bother with. 🎅🏻

In this family it’s always been stockings (albeit bulging) with little things only from Santa/FC - other presents from parents or other relatives who need to be thanked.

PuttingDownRoots · 15/12/2022 17:27

Have your kids never helped chose a gift for someone? Seen a charity toy collection? Or just literally thought toys just appear by magic?

An area I lived had a lovely tradition of Santa coming round to see the children... and the children each took a present they chose along and they were collected for the Children's hospital. It seemed to make them all a lot more aware (they were told that Santa also got these children a gift, it was an extra one. )

MsRosley · 15/12/2022 17:28

I've no idea how you've got into this mess, but you're definitely being unreasonable. Just designate yours from Santa, and let your poor relatives have some credit for their efforts.

mimbleandlittlemy · 15/12/2022 17:28

Utterly and completely unreasonable. Children should learn to thank people for the gifts they receive and you can't thank Santa. I simply don't understand this. It used to be your Christmas stocking was from SC/FC not every single present. Just weird.

Cherrysherbet · 15/12/2022 17:28

That’s really weird.

Stockings from Santa, tree presents from us in our house.

Userno3636273737273 · 15/12/2022 17:29

YABVU.

people can buy things and expect credit for it and a thank you from your dc.

I would be very unhappy if I was buying gifts for children and it was going in the Santa pile.

having masses of presents from Santa is ridiculous anyway. Santa brings a few things here and we buy the rest - as well as relatives.

Lavenderflower · 15/12/2022 17:29

I think it better for children to know their relatives have bought them presents.

boboshmobo · 15/12/2022 17:30

How weird ? So your kids don't think that you bought them anything?

We just do a stocking from Santa then presents from named people and thought that was the norm

FantasticButtocks · 15/12/2022 17:32

Actually, is this a wind up? If so I've completely fallen for it and taken the bait Xmas Grin

NumberTheory · 15/12/2022 17:32

Jinglejangle09 · 15/12/2022 17:14

I agree with you all, I went with what I knew from my childhood before I had really thought it thought then it just carried on each year. I think it was my Mum who said to me something along the lines of 'oh they will say it doesn't matter if I am naughty Grandma will just get it for me'
You are all right I do need to think of a way of undoing it and maybe it's a letter that says as they are getting older santa will bring less.
I really don't think my family have had a big problem with it, my Mum has always said she doesn't buy for the credit.

You went with all presents are from Santa because your mum suggested it was a better way to try and force your kids to behave?

Hope you are listening to her a little less.

dementedpixie · 15/12/2022 17:32

Yabvu to say all presents from everyone were from Santa. In our house all presents from dh and 1 were Santa presents but any from family and friends were from them.

I think you should change your tradition tbh

Redraddisho27 · 15/12/2022 17:33

Stockings are from father xmas, the rest of the presents are from friends and family!

ProserpinaProserpina · 15/12/2022 17:33

I might try this this year. I won’t have to buy my children any gifts at all as I can just pass everyone else’s off as ‘from Santa’! (Obviously joking)

Willowswood · 15/12/2022 17:33

YABVU

What an utterly bizarre setup

Skeldale · 15/12/2022 17:35

We did this in the days my children were very young - think babies until maybe 3/4. Now they are slightly older we say everything that's downstairs when they come down on Christmas morning is from Santa Claus. Then when people arrive with gifts we say they are from whomever brings them. They don't seem to question why we as parents don't buy them anything.

I'm surprised how many people on here say part of the giving is getting the thanks and the gratitude though. I can understand that when gifting to an adult but not to a child! I'd rather preserve the joy of Christmas than receive thanks from a child.

Ideasideas · 15/12/2022 17:35

This set up is so wrong so for many reasons.

Falconfield · 15/12/2022 17:36

So do your children think the other kids who don't get much from Father Christmas are just not as deserving as themselves? (Rather than their parents being unable to buy as much as others)

Seems like a horrible message to me.

Ownedbydogs · 15/12/2022 17:36

YABU, Santa shouldn’t get them all the gifts, a few special gifts from the big man then all others from you guys and family

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