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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell him not to send the presents with his name on...

233 replies

Jinglejangle09 · 15/12/2022 16:44

From when my children were born we always said all presents were from Santa - even presents from family were just put in with what Santa had bought. We said this to all family and they were obviously under no obligation to buy for the children as they wouldn't get any credit for it.
Most family were fine with it (or at least didn't say anything to my face!).
Kids are now 7 and 8 and both still believe.
My Dad has messaged this year saying oh we are going to put messages on as we want them to know who they are from. I have gone back to him and said that he should save them for the kids birthdays if he wants them to be from him. Both birthdays Jan and Feb anyway.
AIBU? I just don't really know how I can change the whole gifting from Santa now. I maybe should have thought more about it when they were younger.

OP posts:
chocolatemademefat · 16/12/2022 09:14

Youre very controlling aren’t you. 🙄

Zebedee55 · 16/12/2022 09:15

We just used to tell the kids that Santa just delivered them, but other people had actually bought them.

saraclara · 16/12/2022 09:16

So your kids have never questioned why people do Christmas shopping? And they've not been involved in buying presents for the rest of the family?

My kids helped choose presents for their own grandparents/siblings/us to unwrap on the day. Do your children not give Christmas presents to anyone else?

This is bizarre. But yes, choose any of the options that posters have suggested. Anything is better than what you've been doing..

panko · 16/12/2022 09:17

If the kids query it then the grandparents asked santa to get that one from them

saraclara · 16/12/2022 09:17

Zebedee55 · 16/12/2022 09:15

We just used to tell the kids that Santa just delivered them, but other people had actually bought them.

Yep. That's along the lines of what we did. Plus one present and stocking from Santa himself.

panko · 16/12/2022 09:18

How do they write thank you cards if there's no name on them

panko · 16/12/2022 09:21

The reverse advent calendar doesn't thank the people who got them presents though so it's irrelevant

Starlightstarbright1 · 16/12/2022 09:25

I would make no fuss about this at all..

Simply pressies from you all some from Santa, the rest from others. They will be Simply excited about the gifts to question

blueflagflyhigh · 16/12/2022 09:27

Yes you are being very unreasonable. I've never heard of anyone doing it this way. I don't get it at all. Why did u start this is this something u were brought up with?

Fair enough if u want to do that with everything but all the gifts from family the kids should know who they are from and thank them all.

Why don't you leave all the Santa presents out and keep the family ones separate. Do u usually take the tags off. I wouldn't say anything to them just hand the presents over going oh this one is fine auntie Sarah or whoever. I don't think they wld bay an eyelid.

Growing up Santa got us our big present (dolls house,bike etc) and mum and dad bought the rest, wrapped and sent them to Santa who delivered them with the big gift. My dh thought Santa brought everything apart from family gifts. So we compromised and she thinks everything comes from Santa but mummy and daddy sometimes send some gifts to Santa to bring too.

RitaSueandBobtwo · 17/12/2022 17:49

We just used to say santa brought/delivered everyones presents and the stockings with chocolates coins and little inexpensive presents were from santa.

You are being weird and unreasonable OP.

Also we have always taught our children to say thank you to relatives for gifts.

MrsJaxTeller3 · 17/12/2022 18:08

Jinglejangle09 · 15/12/2022 16:44

From when my children were born we always said all presents were from Santa - even presents from family were just put in with what Santa had bought. We said this to all family and they were obviously under no obligation to buy for the children as they wouldn't get any credit for it.
Most family were fine with it (or at least didn't say anything to my face!).
Kids are now 7 and 8 and both still believe.
My Dad has messaged this year saying oh we are going to put messages on as we want them to know who they are from. I have gone back to him and said that he should save them for the kids birthdays if he wants them to be from him. Both birthdays Jan and Feb anyway.
AIBU? I just don't really know how I can change the whole gifting from Santa now. I maybe should have thought more about it when they were younger.

Based on this your children could potentially have 100’s of £££ worth of Santa gifts, where the normal people who tell their kids that Santa brings one or two things could feel they have been shortchanged by Santa when they get a stocking of small Santa gifts?
so say your kid gets an xbox and the neighbours kid in the same class gets a selection box and a football, kids logic dictates he’s been naughty.
it’s the weirdest set up ever, change it.

DDivaStar · 17/12/2022 18:20

Tbh I think you're over thinking it. I doubt they'll question the quantity of presents from santa, they'll be too excited. Just go with some presents from santa and some from family. Keeping this up will only get more complicated !

pinkpotatoez · 17/12/2022 18:26

YABU, your dad deserves a thank you from the children. This is why Santa only brings a few presents otherwise how do you explain why Santa hasn't bought a less fortunate family the same amount ?

Vegay · 17/12/2022 18:39

I don't get your narrative, and I don't agree with it, however, it is yours. There is a great suggestion from a PP above about telling your children that when they were younger they couldn't read labels, but extended family buy the gifts and send off to Father Christmas to deliver. I don't think the lack of gratitude to people who gift is necessarily the issue in this scenario either - I'd be thinking more along the lines of some children get sweet FA. Why would you lie about FC bringing all your kid's presents?

Vegay · 17/12/2022 18:41

Just seen your updates, hope you find a way to resolve it and have a great Christmas.

Bleachmycloths · 17/12/2022 19:56

Sounds very controlling. YABU

MrsToothyBitch · 17/12/2022 20:13

There are a few ideas up thread to fix this! Hope they work for you op! Also, I'm impressed as to how you kept track of who gave what without any labels. My mum used to make her list as I unwrapped so we knew for the thank yous. Do you do thank yous on their behalf? Because whilst I give pretty freely with no expectations back, I'd find you pretty rude if you'd never made any acknowledgements to anyone.

Fwiw, I don't think your family are buying purely for "credit" but your DC are approaching an age where belief in santa is likely winding down and an expectation of manners is probably amping up. I don't think it's unreasonable for them to start to realise it's not all on Santa and to start thanking for presents.

Skynorth · 17/12/2022 20:39

It’s not up to you what they put on the presents. If they want the children to know they’re from them that’s their prerogative. Also, they’re at the age now when they probably know or suspect Santa is made up.

Holzy91 · 17/12/2022 21:23

Zebedee55 · 16/12/2022 09:15

We just used to tell the kids that Santa just delivered them, but other people had actually bought them.

We do this too with friends children, we have “sent the presents” to Santa to bring at Christmas.

my parents/ family did similar if we saw something like we liked pre Christmas and after birthdays and it may have been the only opportunity to buy it would be bought ( within reason) and sent to Santa.

bridgetreilly · 17/12/2022 21:47

Don’t make a big deal of it. Just tell them, look that pile is from Santa and here are the ones from us and grandparents, because we wanted to give you things too. A letter just makes it into a bigger thing than it needs to be.

SoftSheen · 17/12/2022 22:05

YABVU. Why would anyone want to do this ?!

Islandgirl68 · 17/12/2022 22:56

Never really understood this system of all presents were from Santa. Seems strange. We had santa presents and the presents from other people.

Heyhoitsme · 18/12/2022 08:12

I would hate to buy a gift for a child and pretend it was from Santa. It's a crazy idea you have. People like to be thanked for gifts. Your children are being told that no one buys them anything. Stop this nonsense now.

saraclara · 18/12/2022 08:31

We give gifts to express our love. We feel loved when people we care about give us gifts.
Why would you not want your children to feel love and kindness from their relatives? How must they feel when their friends tell them that their grandpa gave them a (insert desirable toy) at Christmas, and theirs didn't give them anything?

LBFseBrom · 18/12/2022 16:38

I agree with Heyhoitsme and Saraclara above.

This thread shows the utter ridiculousness of the Santa myth. It is carried too far and an insult to children's intelligence once they are able to understand things.