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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sydney or Edinburgh, to live?

270 replies

Cathy31 · 14/12/2022 20:52

This will be long. The question is AIBU to want to move to Edinburgh, not Sydney?

YANBU - move to Edinburgh
YABU - move to Sydney

I'm married with 2 DC, 3rd on the way. I'm from the Scottish Highlands, DH from Sydney but with British citizenship. He's lived in the UK his whole adult life. We live in a smallish town in midlands England. It's nice enough, we know some lovely people, DC are settled in a fab school/ nursery, and we have no mortgage. But we have no family nearby, and no old friends here.

We're here because of my job, but it's a temporary contract in a very niche sector, which requires regular moves (sometimes to different countries). Since having children, we've decided that it's best for us as a family if I change career. We're both happy for me to be a SAHM for a few years while our children are young.

So - we had to decide whether to stay where we are, because life is fine here, or to move, because life could be better elsewhere.

We've decided to move. But where should we move to? DH is arguing for Sydney.
Reasons:

  • His mother is there. She has no other family, and has said she'd be glad to help out with childcare.
  • Health service/ public services generally are well funded, reliable.
  • DH has some wonderful friends, that he's known for 20+ years. I get on really well with these people too.
  • THE WEATHER
Problems:
  • Expensive, so we'd both have to work to afford a flat in a decent area. Even now, PT with two DC here, life feels busy, and sometimes overwhelming, so it feels big to have the financial burden.
  • So far from everyone I know and love.
  • I'd need a visa for work, which would mean we'd have to move out and live there for a while before I could start looking for work.
I'm arguing for Edinburgh. Reasons:
  • My relationship with my parents isn't great, but DC love them, and my wider family is wonderful, including some lovely cousins for DC.
  • I'd love DC to grow up speaking Gaelic, playing traditional Scottish music etc etc. It's hard to put the value of this into words, but it's very important, and DH recognises that it's something Sydney can't offer.
  • We're able to afford a flat, the same size as our current house, in the centre of Edinburgh, on a mortgage small enough that I wouldn't need to work.
  • Some of our oldest mutual friends live there. Most of our other mutual friends live in Britain, so we'd continue to see them a fair bit.
Problems:
  • It's freezing. We couldn't afford a bigger place than we currently have unless we lived far from the centre, which isn't a problem in a hot climate, but in Edinburgh, it seems important to have living space...
  • So far from the people DH feels closest to.

We feel quite sure that we could have a better life in either Edinburgh or Sydney than we do where we currently live. But which one would be best? Which one will our children be glad they grew up in?

OP posts:
hendi · 14/12/2022 20:55

Sydney seems to have more pros and I think can offer more for all of you, Scotland seems to have more emotional ties for you but not practical ones/opportunities, so I think, objectively looking at it, Sydney seems the better option.

Frazzled2207 · 14/12/2022 21:02

Just something else to consider. A British friend of mine who was in Sydney for 9 years and was intending to stay indefinitely has recently moved BACK because of the weather. He says it became far hotter and more unbearable in the time he was there. It was by far the most important factor in the decision, the other was the expense.

thinking about Edinburgh, my cousin has settled in East Linton, quite a long way out but near the beaches etc. it’s pretty nice round there and he can afford a decent family house which he couldn’t in Edinburgh. finds the commute doable.

SometimesMaybe · 14/12/2022 21:02

If you can afford a flat in dead city centre in Edinburgh you would be able to afford a house with outside space in a
nice suburb. The city is so small that even if you are living in Portabello, Currie or Cramond you aren’t far from the city centre at all.

FurAndFeathers · 14/12/2022 21:05

Edinburgh!

the wider cultural and travel opportunities for your children as they grow are important. Australia is a long way from everywhere!

your wider family connections and job opportunities are important too

global warming will not be kind to Australia over the next 10-20 years

creativevoid · 14/12/2022 21:07

I can't speak for Sydney as I have never been there but we moved to Edinburgh from London 12 years ago to give our children a better quality of life and that has definitely been the case. We have a great life here, and I would highly recommend it, though I have to say that while Gaelic-language education is available, it would be a stretch to say if your children are raised in Edinburgh they will grow up speaking Gaelic 😉. Mine barely have Scottish accents.

FurAndFeathers · 14/12/2022 21:08

hendi · 14/12/2022 20:55

Sydney seems to have more pros and I think can offer more for all of you, Scotland seems to have more emotional ties for you but not practical ones/opportunities, so I think, objectively looking at it, Sydney seems the better option.

You mean like being legally able to work and to not financially strain the family?
Umm… no it doesn't

Doidontimmm · 14/12/2022 21:10

Arguably your kids could learn Gaelic & play Scottish music in Sydney if you found an online tutor. Why do you wish this? I’m in Edinburgh and it’s certainly not widely spoken and gives no real value for any career I can think of?

Im confused you could afford a flat in the centre of Edinburgh but not something bigger outwith the centre unless miles away. That’s definitely not true!

It’s not freezing year round, I mean it is this week but not all year.

JamSandle · 14/12/2022 21:11

I think Edinburgh.

Australia is expensive, far from everything, too hot (for me) and outside of the coastal cities, there's not a great deal there.

That said it's apples and oranges. I know people who have a fantastic life in Sydney as well as Edinburgh.

IBelieveInAThingCalledScience · 14/12/2022 21:11

I lived and worked in Sydney for almost a decade and lived in Edinburgh for a bit longer than that.

We really enjoyed life in Sydney as a childless couple, but both agreed we missed the four seasons, the wider cultural aspects and ease of travelling in Europe.

HundredMilesAnHour · 14/12/2022 21:12

Sydney (or elsewhere in Aus) without hesitation.

IBelieveInAThingCalledScience · 14/12/2022 21:12

Ugh, pressed too soon.

We have children now and both feel it was absolutely the right decision to raise them here, in Scotland.

DarkMatternix · 14/12/2022 21:13

Not requiring two full time salaries would swing Edinburgh for me. The flexibility to live on one salary or two part time salaries would be a huge benefit to me.

PacificallyRequested · 14/12/2022 21:14

As someone who's currently sitting shivering in Edinburgh, I say Sydney! Love Australia and would move there in a heartbeat if I could.
My cousin who's Australian born and bred plays the bagpipes, if that's really a huge concern.

londonrach · 14/12/2022 21:16

My uncle was a £10 pom to Disney has finally escaped now...said vvv dangerous and very expensive. I only visited Edinburgh once and though it a city I'd like to return to. Only you know what's right for your family.

Original poster
Cathy31 · 14/12/2022 21:17

Thank you so much everyone, these replies are so helpful! Re the Gaelic in Edinburgh - I know it's not spoken there, but my eldest would start P1 in September and I have dreams (probably unrealistic at this stage) of getting her into the Gaelic medium PS in Leith. it's more the general culture I care about, including access to the HIghlands for holidays etc.

Re affording somewhere bigger further out - yes. But I think we would prefer to live quite centrally (though I'm not sure why... possibly having lived in a small town for while, we're willing to compromise on space for a bit more ... 'vibe'...?)

All your perspectives are really useful, and giving us lots to think about!

OP posts:
SwedishEdith · 14/12/2022 21:17

God, I would absolutely love to live in a flat in the centre of Edinburgh.

pattihews · 14/12/2022 21:18

Only spent a few days in Sydney but I found it dull — but then I couldn't live without history, theatre, good galleries and museums etc. One can only spend so much time on beaches and in bars. Former neighbours of ours moved there for his job but came back within a couple of years: they found dealing with the heat and sun with two small children difficult. The wife hated it, talked about having to spend summer months stuck indoors with the children. The cost of living was crazy: food much more expensive than here.

Edinburgh every time for me, despite the rain and the cold. And you have the rest of Scotland at hand to explore.

champagneandsparkles · 14/12/2022 21:18

You, personally, will pretty much undoubtedly have a better time in Edinburgh from everything you say. The question is how DH feels about it. Does he actively not want to live there? Is he desperate to move "home" to Sydney or does he more just regard it as practical on paper? I wouldn't move to Sydney, but if he really doesn't want to move to Edinburgh then I'd agree to stay put.given that you sound pretty happy where you are already.

Also, only you can say how reliable your marriage is and if it's truly rock solid that's fine, but to be stranded in Australia if you separated (assuming DH wouldn't let them leave with you) would potentially be a very heavy burden.

AndEverWhoKnew · 14/12/2022 21:19

Edinburgh. Sydney would be a better move if the DCs were older but with young DCs, I think the benefit of having mutual friends and family nearby can't be overstated. Plus you get to enjoy time with them at this stage rather than having both of you working to maintain any standard of living.

Pythonesque · 14/12/2022 21:20

What experience have you of hot humid weather? I grew up in Sydney but have been in the UK more than 20 yrs now, as has my sister. For us the relentlessness of an Australian summer is worse than coping with cold winters. My husband would probably disagree on that point, but for him, as for my sister and her husband, being in a "bigger pond" for their respective careers, the connections and collaborations, availability of funding, are huge positives for the UK compared with Australia.

Arrange to spend a year in Sydney maybe, without burning bridges in the UK. Difficult with small children though.

Oh and another thing - for moving to either location from England you are looking at different education systems and need to do your research carefully.

HikingforScenery · 14/12/2022 21:20

Absolutely, Sydney.
From your list, it has more positives. As an aside, your DH has lived in ‘ your country’ for so long and your children know your family. It would be good for them to know the other part of them too. If she’s helping with childcare, you might find that you don’t want to stay at home for years anyway. The weather is a big plus too!

champagneandsparkles · 14/12/2022 21:21

Oh, and the DC are likely to be happy in any of those three places if their parents are happy. They all sound like good places to grow up. Unhappy or quarrelling parents are a bigger factor.

Endofmytetherfinally · 14/12/2022 21:21

Honestly I wouldn't take a blind bit of notice of people who've stayed for a few days in Sydney. And vv dangerous? Honestly no idea what this is referring to. Sydney is one of the safest cities in the world. That said based on your list I'd say you don't want to move there and your husband has been happily settled away for a long time so I'd stay in the UK.

Mybestyear · 14/12/2022 21:24

Lived in Perth (the Oz one) for 3 years and visited Sydney three times. I cannot stress enough how expensive it is in Australia and especially Sydney. It’s a fab place but has a lot of drugs and social problems like any city. I am in the west of Scotland and I spend more time outdoors here than when we lived in Perth. In Oz, you spend a lot of time keeping out of the sun, the flies are horrendous between about October and March and it gets dark really early, even in summer.

also - I know you won’t think it will happen to you, but if your DC are in Oz it will be very difficult to remove them if you split with DH and want to return to U.K.

pension - you can’t easily transfer back to U.K. if you go and return. They let you take it from U.K. to Oz easily enough but then you are under different pension laws the than U.K. so you don’t have as much freedom to draw it early etc.

pros and cons for both places. I would chose Edinburgh and take holidays in Oz. Good luck!

Endofmytetherfinally · 14/12/2022 21:25

Also Sydney is not all beaches and bars (although I've never heard of the former being used as a con for living somewhere..) There's also plenty of good theatre, galleries and museums, many are world class and free or heavily discounted for concessions.

In the spirit of balance though, housing is bloody expensive. It is far from the rest of the world and even domestic travel is unaffordable for most people.