TA doesn’t like my child and made her really upset today.

[BelleandH]

One of the TA’s quite obviously doesn’t like my child. I’ve had a feeling there is a problem for a while but it’s so difficult to approach firstly because she’s sligh about it and secondly because I don’t want her to treat my DD any worse.
I’ve witnessed it myself, the way she spoke to my daughter so abruptly and then to another child about the same thing straight after ina much kinder way. She avoids any eye contact with me, and will stand talking to other mothers for ages about their children (one in particular who’s children a far more trying than mine)
today it came to a head when she tried to wrestle her coat on and stormed her down the corridor to me - at this point my DD burst into tears.
I contacted the head who was straight away on the defence with his staff rather than listening to the facts.
DD is only 4, she is a lock down child from a shielding family so didn’t do any socialising from around 18 months. She’s not unruly but is strong willed. I’ve had so many compliments about her when she’s out with me so she’s not completely awful.

AIBU so put in a formal complaint about her?

I highly doubt she dislikes your child.

She may well be a poor TA though

You sound over dramatic with 'wrestle' and 'stormed her down'. Do you mean she was helping your child to get her coat on and hurrying her out to meet you? Perhaps your child does not always follow instructions and needs to be told on a firm way? Perhaps you don't like the TA? It is all very subjective.

I personally wouldn’t because the way you’ve written this post is emotional and a bit “I just know “.
Maybe wait a little before complaining if you do.
What exactly did you witness?
Write it down without using emotive language (like “stormed her down the corridor “ - describe what she did and what your daughter did).
What did you say to the head and what did he actually say?

She avoids any eye contact with me, and will stand talking to other mothers for ages about their children (one in particular who’s children a far more trying than mine)

oh come on Op

By the way if you keep to the style of language used to describe the TA you would probably use the word 'badly behaved' rather than the more socially acceptable 'strong willed'.

And as for the avoidance of eye contact- perhaps youve intimidated her or are just not her type of person that she easily gets on with or whatever..
I doubt she takes anything out on your daughter. I say that as someone a lot of people don’t like.

I’m an ex teacher and over the years I’ve seen some wonderful TAs who are worth their weight in gold and I’ve seen some who frankly would be better suited to prison guards (although frankly who wants abusive people guarding probably mental unwell prisoners- hardly going to help!).
As a young teacher I had staff who in any other setting I would have reported to the police. I’ve worked in schools in different cities, towns and different sizes and it’s the same in many schools. Sadly some people like the power.
Complain but not softly because sadly that will only encourage them. The headteacher will likely be a bit avoidant of them to, so you have to make yourself the bigger problem. I know it’s awful, but that would be my honest advice.

The TA probably dislikes your child's behaviour rather than disliking your child

"strong willed" usually means nightmare child doesn't it?

^too that should be 🙃

How long ago were you a teacher?

Yep.

Oh ffs!!

The number of times I've heard people claim that teachers or TAs don't like their child. Do you really think people go into these jobs just to be horrible to children?

I once had a parent claim that 'everyone knows' that I preferred child x over the rest of the class I was genuinely shocked and it absolutely was not true.

You sound very emotional and defensive. Please try and calm down before you decide to do anything else.

Recently. I really wish this was a problem from yesteryear ….

Yes, I would complain and make it clear that I was watching the TA’s behaviour around my child when I collected them. Keep a diary of your concerns if you have to. No point going about it in a soft way, you will be ignored.

I’ve spent considerable time in schools and seen jaw droppingly awful behaviour from some TAs and teachers. I can quite believe it.

You also sound emotional and defensive. Please try and calm down before you post again.

My daughter is beinG bought to me inside the school after she had been running around outside and is hot. I don’t expect her to wear a coat inside.
The problem is that schools seem to expect children to be robots!!

Is'nt this a safeguarding issue? It sounds like your daughter is being singled out by the TA.

It looks like the headteacher is not interested. Find your local councillor for the area the school is in and also contact the school governers and inform them your your child is suffering.

It may be that there is a power issue going on here between a grown adult who has no emotional intelligance and an innocent child.

I don't think you'd be unreasonable following up your concerns with the head however if strong willed means dd isn't listening or doing what she's told maybe you need a chat with her too....

What a great role model you sound as a teacher!

The problem with the state school system is teachers like you who don’t want children to have personalities and have a different opinion and certainly not to pick you up when you are in the wrong…oh sorry I guess your never in the wrong!!!

of course I am emotional when it comes to my children. I don’t expect them to be made so upset by a staff member in a school that they’re sobbing.

perhaps her behaviour was/is not as good as the other child who she 'spoke kinder too'

TAs are human and, just like teachers, they do dislike some children - deservedly or not. However it should be VERY well hidden, neither the child nor the parent should know.

If the OP's daughter is 4 she's only been there a term, is very little and should be being treated kindly.

Is her class teacher approachable?

I take a big step back and let them do their jobs. It can't be easy with primary age children and a class of 30ish.

My children have often complained about TAs (the prison guard ones 💪) and my reply has been to behave, then you won't be commented on.

I don't want to ever be labelled as "that" parent who takes things out of proportion and thinks the world revolves around their child. So I don't complain I watch and wait. Things sort themselves out. OP you sound a tad dramatic. It's ok to be concerned but maybe take a step back. Smile at the TA even if internally you feel upset.

Just keep a quiet eye on it. If it gets worse you can write it all down and ask to talk to the head in a calm and non accusatory manner. I feel staff are more inclined to listen when the finger isn't being pointed.