TA doesn’t like my child and made her really upset today.

[BelleandH]

One of the TA’s quite obviously doesn’t like my child. I’ve had a feeling there is a problem for a while but it’s so difficult to approach firstly because she’s sligh about it and secondly because I don’t want her to treat my DD any worse.
I’ve witnessed it myself, the way she spoke to my daughter so abruptly and then to another child about the same thing straight after ina much kinder way. She avoids any eye contact with me, and will stand talking to other mothers for ages about their children (one in particular who’s children a far more trying than mine)
today it came to a head when she tried to wrestle her coat on and stormed her down the corridor to me - at this point my DD burst into tears.
I contacted the head who was straight away on the defence with his staff rather than listening to the facts.
DD is only 4, she is a lock down child from a shielding family so didn’t do any socialising from around 18 months. She’s not unruly but is strong willed. I’ve had so many compliments about her when she’s out with me so she’s not completely awful.

AIBU so put in a formal complaint about her?

I contacted the head who was straight away on the defence with his staff rather than listening to the facts.

Huge red flag. Don’t let the apologists on here tell you otherwise. Do everything to protect your daughter and expose this school.

No, in what capacity were you seeing what’s going on in the classroom? Why so reluctant to say?

I believe you OP!
There was a TA like this at my DS's primary school.
She didn't like it when building works meant the reception children had to walk through the corridor near her class, and as we squeezed along in the morning rush she hit my son on the head with a plastic tray right in front of me. When I complained, the Headteacher just said "Oh well, the building works will be finished soon!"
Sadly DS had 2 years of her as his class TA in later years and he came home regularly with tales of how she disliked certain pupils and was nasty to them and him particularly. I dismissed it for so long until I witnessed it myself in the playground and at a panto trip. I also heard stories from other mums of similar incidents. Another complaint to the Headteacher was met with "you don't know what people are going through at home".
I just told DC to keep his head down and get on with it but I bitterly regret that. I wish now that I had taken it further, put in a formal complaint to the Head, the governers, Ofsted, whatever it took to get that horrible woman away from the poor children she hated, and moved him to another school.
Years on he still remembers how she treated him, and presumably how I didn't protect him from it. That makes me so sad.
Sorry that was long, but yes make a complaint and take it further if necessary. Don't make the mistake I made.

We've all taught 'strong-willed' children. They're usually delightful. 🙄

This TA needs to learn to hide her feelings better and at least be seen to treat all the children fairly. I don't know what the answer is but if you try and have a word with her in an enquiring type of way when you are feeling calmer. You could say something like you'd noticed that she often seems irritated with your child and ask 'are there any issues I need to be aware of?' 'what is my child's behaviour like at school?' something like that. Then, if she brings anything up you could call for a meeting with the class teacher. Or she'll have to admit there's nothing out of the ordinary. At least she might become more aware of how she appears.

I hope those people invalidating what the op is saying don’t speak to their children in the same way. Because that’s called emotional abuse.

Primary school staff in my experience are mostly unsuitable for the job. When my kids were in reception both teachers were harsh, one TA was ok, one was absolutely horrible (I don’t remember ever meeting anyone so awful - I called her Miss Hooley’s evil twin) and one was wonderful. They’d swap around classes and I was only happy when the nice TA was there. The nice, sensitive teachers seem to leave because of the unpleasant atmosphere.

Hi Op. I’m not going to comment on whether or not the TA was targeting your child or not because I don’t know enough about it. Regardless though, your child is upset and that’s the main thing here, whether she is being targeted or not she’s still upset. Would it maybe be worth speaking to the school and just letting them know she’s upset and feels like the TA doesn’t like her. I wouldn’t go in all guns blazing but as long as your calm about it I don’t see any harm in addressing it with the school, with regard to how you’re concerned about how upset she is and that you want to work with the school to help her be happier there and so on.

Do any other children leave after lunch? I suspect it’s difficult for the TA to get your “strong-willed” child out of the classroom and given back to you if she’s also needed back in the classroom for all the other children doing a full day. It also sounds like you actively encourage the “strong-willed” character of your child, which will make her more defiant in school.

And the OP was called dramatic 😂

I was a teacher for 27 years. I don’t think l ever actively disliked a child……

I would add that disliking a four year old child is pathetic.

Might be a terrible TA
Might be a 4 year old that's more than strong willed

We can't know!

I know I take what one of my kids says about things like this with a pinch of salt and the other tells it like it is.

I know some teachers can be stern for good reason and others are just awful.

A week before Christmas and a thread kicking a whole profession for being shit.

I'm not a teacher and never have been but I'm not surprised they're leaving the profession in droves.

She may well dislike your child, but you can't know that or control it, so you need to move away from the emotion and focus on objective behaviour you witness.
So, next time you speak to the head, have a list of factual statements without drawing your own conclusions. For example:
'TA raised her voice and frowned at DD when telling her to sit down. When (other child) stood up TA pleasantly said 'please sit down', so DD was treated differently'
'TA tried to force DDs arms into her coat. DD resisted and TA walked away from her without speaking'
Tell the head that these incidents have concerned you and ask for their comments.

Im a TA and I genuinely love all the children in my class. But sometimes it’s busy, it’s hard to make time for everyone and in all the chaos of so many small children on a playground, some don’t get the attention they deserve.
I am a mum of young children too - I get it, but please know that the vast majority of TAs want the very best for your children and work above and beyond to give it to them x

No, if you had ready it properly you wouldn’t have ready the bit about being a shielding family. So no, she didn’t do any socialising for a long period.
Unlike other children who continued to go to school or nursery.

having said that, I am told how sociable she is. How kind she is to other children, how she has been the leader in teaching other children to share.
I had parents evening a few short weeks ago and was told how well behaved she is, how she joins in with everything.

I have noticed that her behaviour is much worse since starting school. I raised this at parents evening and was told that she’s so good at school and is obviously venting when she comes out. It makes me really wonder why her behaviour is worse now!

Also, just remembered when I was in primary school there was a time I believed several teachers hated me and targeted me etc. I was upset by it and didn’t understand why. But as an adult, I can look back and realise I went though a phase of being a complete and utter little brat lol, I was completely spoiled and used to being number 1 so I always got upset when I didn’t get what I wanted when I wanted it. Teachers saying no to me was enough to make me think they hated me. Proper little verruca salt! I was smart and got the best grades so I didn’t understand why they hated me- when I realised I had an attitude problem and changed everything got better. Thankfully I outgrew that phase and feel embarrassed even thinking about it!

im NOT for one second saying your daughter is anything like I was! But just posting for others to read because it’s not always that the teacher hates specific kids, in my case I was just a little shit lol

I've worked with some terrible TAs who in my eyes were bullies and I have reported every one of them. I've worked with some brilliant ones too. Talk to your child and explain what is expected of them at school, then if you are still not happy ask to speak to the class teacher
Keep an open mind until you hear both sides

It’s difficult to get your full point across without writing a 100 page essay.

I would like to add that her (young) teacher is absolutely amazing - she is very holistic in her approach and I think the TA I am referring to is the opposite to this and perhaps taking it out in my child?
the other TA is also great but a threat about amazing teachers probably would get the abusive lot on here going as much!!!

My daughter is only there until after lunch as she legally doesn’t have to be there all day.

oh OP you're 'that parent' already.

She is not a lockdown child, lockdown babies were babies born in lockdown, every other child is just a child.

I watched my DDs 1st nativity this week and there were 2 or 3 'strong willed' kids, basically naughty, not listening to TA or teacher

This

It’s not good to be proud of the fact that your daughter will only obey instructions if she’s asked in a cheerful and nice way. Clearly nobody should be bullying children but school staff sometimes either have to be abrupt or end up being abrupt because they’re not solely engaged with your child. If you want to cater every element of your child’s education including the tone of all her teachers, you may want to look at home educating.

Sorry, but you put my back up with the comment that it the TA doesn’t want to be human sunshine 24/7 then she should leave. There’s a recruitment crisis in education and people can’t be forced into the role, you know.

Aren’t all the children in her class ‘lockdown children’ then?