TA doesn’t like my child and made her really upset today.

[BelleandH]

One of the TA’s quite obviously doesn’t like my child. I’ve had a feeling there is a problem for a while but it’s so difficult to approach firstly because she’s sligh about it and secondly because I don’t want her to treat my DD any worse.
I’ve witnessed it myself, the way she spoke to my daughter so abruptly and then to another child about the same thing straight after ina much kinder way. She avoids any eye contact with me, and will stand talking to other mothers for ages about their children (one in particular who’s children a far more trying than mine)
today it came to a head when she tried to wrestle her coat on and stormed her down the corridor to me - at this point my DD burst into tears.
I contacted the head who was straight away on the defence with his staff rather than listening to the facts.
DD is only 4, she is a lock down child from a shielding family so didn’t do any socialising from around 18 months. She’s not unruly but is strong willed. I’ve had so many compliments about her when she’s out with me so she’s not completely awful.

AIBU so put in a formal complaint about her?

Ex TA here... ive skimmed through most of the answers. I worked at a school where a nasty bitch of a TA was best friends with the head and got away with so much shit! She was a bully who had her favourite children and ridiculed/ picked on the children she didn't take to.. Most of the staff KNEW it was going on but felt powerless. I confronted her when she called a year one girl " fatty " and I was then cold shouldered by the SLT so I left. OP I would email the governors and then the local authority or if they're an Academy email the relevant department.
I'm sorry you are going through this and I feel for you!

I made a child cry yesterday when I gave them a Christmas present, the fact that I bought them out of my massive TA wages before I luxuriate in my unpaid 2 weeks holiday knowing that it will be one of a very few things under their tree does not negate the fact that I made them cry. Should I report myself to the Governors, OFSTED and social services?

I would speak to the head teacher. As a TA the woman does not have to like every single child in the class however she has no right to treat any child unkindly. If she can’t treat them with respect and kindness then maybe she ought to be in a different job. There are safeguarding laws to protect children and schools should ensure all members of staff are fully aware of these.

So now we say they're a 'lock down child' and not a little shit. Right

Oh do fuck off! You sanctimonious twat

How is your 2 week holiday unpaid? You get paid pro rata so get the same wage all year round.

I was bullied by two dinner ladies when I was 4 and again when I was 11. I was very small for my age and these two women were spiteful and mean and to this day I don't know why the first one disliked me. I would say something to the head as its horrible going to school knowing the adults that are supposed to look after you don't like you.

First of all TAs are human and will prefer some children to others. If you are concerned then go back to the head and say that you want to talk about this. Bear in mind that if you make an official complaint about a teacher then the union gets involved. I don't know if it is the same with TAs.

I've had a look online and Kidscape has advice to do with teachers which would work with TAs I would have thought. This is the link, talk to them to see if you deal with this now or keep an eye on what is happening to see if things calm down. Personally, I think that you may be a little too concerned because you've had your child at home for a long time and she needs time to adapt to being with other people and that could be hard for her. Your head should be helping with children like DD but so many schools are almost bankrupt just may not have the facilities to do more. So I have 2 suggestions, talk to the Head and to Kidscape.

I’m so sorry that your child is being singled out. I worked in a school nursery, as a TA. The teacher was absolutely horrible to the kids. Some would wet themselves, because they were so scared! I complained and complained. They did try to implement some things to make her more positive, but nothing worked. I felt like I was losing my mind, so ended up handing in my notice. They offered to move me to another part of the school. I told them that that wasn’t going to sort the problem though! Schools can be terrible at just brushing this kind of stuff under the rug. You should document everything and complain!

Elvisismycat
How is your 2 week holiday unpaid? You get paid pro rata so get the same wage all year round.

Because I only get paid for the 39 weeks a year that i'm in school which means holidays are unpaid.

While that's lovel of you, I hope every child in your class was given the same by you. You could be in a lot of trouble if you didn't.

Read your contract with the school. Generally , giving gifts to children by staff is frowned upon and outright banned by many for safeguarding concerns. I'm not talking about handing out stickers for good reading or pencils/rubbers on birthdays, where everyone has a turn, or advent calendar drawers where they al take turns. I mean actual 'gifts' to some but not all.

This doesn’t surprise me one bit sadly. You won’t have imagined what you saw OP. I’m an ex primary teacher with many years of experience and I’ve seen far too many bullying TAs.
What many people do not understand (or perhaps do but keep it in their subconscious) is that schools are mostly toxic environments. We like to all think that we send our DC off to a nurturing environment when we send them to school, but this couldn’t be further from the truth in general.
The whole system is dysfunctional and if you have any sort of SEN you’ve no chance.
As is obvious from my username I’ve removed myself and my DC from the system as I couldn’t be part of it anymore.
Not just the bullying (mainly the staff) but the whole ‘teach to the test’ style of education, the narrow, prescriptive curriculum, the attempt to fit square pegs into round holes, the singular focus on academics, the lack of movement and nature/daylight/fresh air taken away from a child, the list goes on and on.
If I were you OP, I’d keep a very close eye on this situation and document everything you see or hear. Good luck and remember only you will advocate for your child.

Could be a ta that does 1-1 and the family could be destitute

Ds has always been given small, thoughtful presents for Christmas and birthday from his 1-1s. Normally a book on his interest at the time or similar. It’s part of the bond they have that means they work well together

To clarify. Yes every child in the class gets a present off me, twice a year. Christmas and end of school year. It generally consists of an activity book, coloured pencils, note book, mechanical pencil, normal pencil, rubber, pencil sharpener and this year they all got a packet of crisps (because they kept trying to skive my break time snack) I started doing this seven years ago after a couple of children kept asking for short pencils that were going in the bin because they didn't have anything to write with at home over the holidays. There's a lot I can't fix in these children's lives but this is one thing I can do to show them that they matter.

Could be. But contracts are very clear about the appearance of 'grooming' and favouritism.

You have to arrange for it via a family worker if that's the case, anonymously.

I can't applaud this comment enough! Absolutely spot on. The 1950's style language surrounding children and schooling on this thread is horrifying.