TA doesn’t like my child and made her really upset today.

[BelleandH]

One of the TA’s quite obviously doesn’t like my child. I’ve had a feeling there is a problem for a while but it’s so difficult to approach firstly because she’s sligh about it and secondly because I don’t want her to treat my DD any worse.
I’ve witnessed it myself, the way she spoke to my daughter so abruptly and then to another child about the same thing straight after ina much kinder way. She avoids any eye contact with me, and will stand talking to other mothers for ages about their children (one in particular who’s children a far more trying than mine)
today it came to a head when she tried to wrestle her coat on and stormed her down the corridor to me - at this point my DD burst into tears.
I contacted the head who was straight away on the defence with his staff rather than listening to the facts.
DD is only 4, she is a lock down child from a shielding family so didn’t do any socialising from around 18 months. She’s not unruly but is strong willed. I’ve had so many compliments about her when she’s out with me so she’s not completely awful.

AIBU so put in a formal complaint about her?

As someone else said, surely all 4-year olds are “lockdown” children? And “strong-willed” sounds far cuter than “a pain in the arse”, is it possible she’s the latter rather than the former?

However, I ticked YANBU because of course she might actively dislike your daughter (and/or you) and needs to learn how to disguise that better, just as I as a nurse for 35 years had to learn to pretend I liked/cared about obnoxious patients or their obnoxious families. Keep an eye on things and don’t hesitate to complain if you’re certain you aren’t imagining it.

What’s your position?

I’m a teacher. What’s yours?

What's the point in this thread? We've only heard one side of the story so it's impossible for us to truly judge what actually happened and you write in such a subjective way. Also anyone who disagrees with you is shot down.

Why do you doubt she dislikes the OP's child? Teachers and teaching assistants are no different to the rest of the population. They can dislike people.

I very much doubt that there are any teachers who can say they've never disliked kids they've taught.

It sounds like your daughter is making her life hell.

It really isn't that hard to deal with a poorly behaved 4 year old unless there are actual 'issues'

It is entirely possible that she's not a very good TA

100% the case. Or they are anxious aka spoilt

Thats not fair and not true. If you work with these kids you should be ashamed of yourselves.

Don't be ridiculous!

She's a 4 year old in school for half a day!

If the TA can't deal with her she better not move up to Year 6! Now sometimes they can be difficult to handle!

I was a TA for eights years and worked with some truly horrible TAs, it's very believable to me that someone can take a disliking to a child and treat them horribly.

I made it clear I’m not a TA. Can you please confirm you never needed to have a stern word or be very strict with any of your pupils and you can manage absolutely every single child, including those who are openly disobedient, disrupting and refusing to follow any instructions? If you’re that imaginary unicorn person, please share your knowledge because we’d surely like to know.

No. Some children had already been in school and socialised before lockdown.

This reminds me of when I was a trainee teacher I sat in on parents evening with my head of department. A mum came storming in "you just don't like my Timmy!" And my HoD said "frankly madam, I just don't like any of 'em". I was

Not until you tell me what your position is in these schools. You’re being very cagey about it, when two minutes ago you were using it as some kind of authority. So let’s hear it.

I dont and id never work with kids due to the other parents lack of discipline and ignoring the crap behaviour of their child. Ive seen it over and over again at my two sons school and with friends. Teachers and teaching assistants deserve medals and triple their salary.
I have two very close friends who are teachers who deal with this type of thing constantly, its souls destroying and takes their time away from the well behaved kids.
Im not ashamed, no.

I’m absolutely delighted you don’t work with kids, that’s great news.

It’s important when your talking to politicians about your priorities for government spending or if you’re a head teacher or governor trying to staff your school. As a parent of a child being made to cry and wondering if you should be making a complaint it is not a factor to consider. The head teacher needs to know if their staff are not behaving in an acceptable fashion and that parents aren’t okay with it, even if there are systematic reasons why they have someone unfit in that role.

Isnt it. Id hate it.

Lots of excuses here, 'lockdown child' 'strong willed'
You sound like one of those parents that's constantly making excuses for their own child's negative behaviour. Lockdown children do tend to need more support in social and emotional areas though, and if you're seeing negative behaviour maybe try and see how you can support your child in these areas?

Just a hypothesis, but suppose the TA really does dislike this child.

Why?

Badly behaved ? Rude? Disobedient?

I don't get why some people on MN refuse to believe that some teachers do just dislike some kids?

Obviously it should never be shown and you shouldn't treat any child differently. But yeah teachers will have their favourites.

And also OP don't worry about being THAT parent. Frankly when it comes to our DC being happy in school (a place where they spend the majority of the day) I couldn't GAF if I'm ever THAT parent.

Exactly

@Pumperthepumper
what kind of “authority”? Personal experience of seeing things? Listen, we don’t need to continue this conversation. I believe poorly behaved kids and overly sensitive parents exist. I believe that’s the reason lots of teachers and TAs are leaving profession. I believe that pointing fingers to everyone around you isn’t not helpful. I believe lockdown damaged lots of children and their parents are just trying to make things worse by requiring a special treatment schools just can’t provide. I think OP will still do what she plans to do and I wish her good luck. At the end of the day, time will tell.

So, you have a child who doesn't stay all day because legally she doesn't have to. She is strong willed. She didn't socialise much because of lockdown and staying home all the time.

I think she probably needs to be in school more so she can learn the routines and get used to complying with whole class instructions. Small children are usually taught in this way. E.g. It is time to go now so we put on our coats and then walk to meet our parents. It is not possible nor is it helpful for each child to make their own decision. You need to get on board with the fact that your child is part of a class and a school which will have its own rules.