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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

TA doesn’t like my child and made her really upset today.

442 replies

BelleandH · 14/12/2022 17:43

One of the TA’s quite obviously doesn’t like my child. I’ve had a feeling there is a problem for a while but it’s so difficult to approach firstly because she’s sligh about it and secondly because I don’t want her to treat my DD any worse.
I’ve witnessed it myself, the way she spoke to my daughter so abruptly and then to another child about the same thing straight after ina much kinder way. She avoids any eye contact with me, and will stand talking to other mothers for ages about their children (one in particular who’s children a far more trying than mine)
today it came to a head when she tried to wrestle her coat on and stormed her down the corridor to me - at this point my DD burst into tears.
I contacted the head who was straight away on the defence with his staff rather than listening to the facts.
DD is only 4, she is a lock down child from a shielding family so didn’t do any socialising from around 18 months. She’s not unruly but is strong willed. I’ve had so many compliments about her when she’s out with me so she’s not completely awful.

AIBU so put in a formal complaint about her?

OP posts:
Hobbi · 15/12/2022 15:45

@Pumperthepumper
Oh yes you did.

Pumperthepumper · 15/12/2022 15:46

Hobbi · 15/12/2022 15:45

@Pumperthepumper
Oh yes you did.

No i didn’t. Quote where I said that.

Hobbi · 15/12/2022 15:56

@Pumperthepumper if you didn't say that you said if a child cries it's because the adult is seeking some kind of gratification from it. You insisted that the TA must have been cruel or unprofessional, based on no evidence other than the ramblings of a self-confessed school hater and home educator. You accused other posters who described situations wherein their children had cried of being on a power trip. You are being disingenuous, don't try the 'exact words' defence with me.

healthadvice123 · 15/12/2022 16:00

@Pumperthepumper why do children who go to private nurserys not have any issues then and all is damdy ? What a weird response to someone explaining how difficult their job can be , yet you claim your a teacher but don't recognise any of that

Pumperthepumper · 15/12/2022 16:01

Hobbi · 15/12/2022 15:56

@Pumperthepumper if you didn't say that you said if a child cries it's because the adult is seeking some kind of gratification from it. You insisted that the TA must have been cruel or unprofessional, based on no evidence other than the ramblings of a self-confessed school hater and home educator. You accused other posters who described situations wherein their children had cried of being on a power trip. You are being disingenuous, don't try the 'exact words' defence with me.

No I didnt. I said one particular poster relished in four year olds crying as a necessary part of parenting, which is true. The fact you have to lie proves my point.

Pumperthepumper · 15/12/2022 16:01

healthadvice123 · 15/12/2022 16:00

@Pumperthepumper why do children who go to private nurserys not have any issues then and all is damdy ? What a weird response to someone explaining how difficult their job can be , yet you claim your a teacher but don't recognise any of that

No, but you won’t get school holidays. That’s my point. The holidays are a massive draw for the job.

Hobbi · 15/12/2022 16:02

This reply has been deleted

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healthadvice123 · 15/12/2022 16:02

I thought teachers worked long hrs and schools were def open between 9-3 in most places

Hobbi · 15/12/2022 16:04

healthadvice123 · 15/12/2022 16:02

I thought teachers worked long hrs and schools were def open between 9-3 in most places

You're correct. Make your own conclusions, I certainly have.

healthadvice123 · 15/12/2022 16:04

@Pumperthepumper no i really don't believe your a teacher
Because you would know that you don't get paid for all those holidays and you don't get all the same days off as the kids
I know plenty of teachers and not one who would say that, you could say the same foe teachers as well ?

healthadvice123 · 15/12/2022 16:05

@Hobbi me too

Pumperthepumper · 15/12/2022 16:06

healthadvice123 · 15/12/2022 16:02

I thought teachers worked long hrs and schools were def open between 9-3 in most places

I’ve got covid.

Pumperthepumper · 15/12/2022 16:07

healthadvice123 · 15/12/2022 16:04

@Pumperthepumper no i really don't believe your a teacher
Because you would know that you don't get paid for all those holidays and you don't get all the same days off as the kids
I know plenty of teachers and not one who would say that, you could say the same foe teachers as well ?

I know we don’t get paid for the holidays! You don’t know one person in education who believes the holidays are a bonus? I find that very hard to believe.

naturemumma · 15/12/2022 16:09

I feel like this is all getting quite cruel and personal. I think, if anything, it’s not really doing much to justify the general thrust of the argument that TAs are wonderful people, if a little overworked. It all seems quite vindictive - which I think is what the OP was getting at in the first place.

I’m not sure where I stand on the original incident as I wasn’t there to see it, but this thread seems to have been particularly vicious.

naturemumma · 15/12/2022 16:13

Pumperthepumper · 15/12/2022 16:07

I know we don’t get paid for the holidays! You don’t know one person in education who believes the holidays are a bonus? I find that very hard to believe.

Show quote history

I work part-time in a school to get the school holidays off. I do like working with kids, but that’s not my main motivation if I’m being wholly honest. We don’t have family nearby either, which makes working trickier. Mainly I wanted to be able to get the holidays off with my own children while they’re still little(ish). That said, I have found that chatting with the kids is one of the best bits of the job.

AbbyGal · 15/12/2022 17:58

I'm interested as to how the TA is both close to pensionable age and has primary school aged children for whom she needs the school holidays off.

SleeplessInEngland · 15/12/2022 18:01

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SleeplessInEngland · 15/12/2022 18:01

*parent

thewayround · 15/12/2022 18:23

I have made a formal complaint to which I’ve had a reply already; already refusing to take it as a formal complaint.

what did you actually do and say in your “formal complaint” and how was it rejected? 🤨

LuckySantangelo35 · 15/12/2022 20:50

Hobbi · 15/12/2022 15:36

It was @MadameMackenzie who called it abuse. @Pumperthepumper just said children should never be disciplined in case it makes them cry.

Lol that’s bad enough @Pumperthepumper

we all get reprimanded for our mistakes

that’s life

LuckySantangelo35 · 15/12/2022 20:56

KettrickenSmiled · 15/12/2022 14:12

Best pop her into a private school then OP.

At least they might be able to teach your high-spirited 'personality' the difference between fact-rich observable data & confirmation bias.

Show quote history

@BelleandH

in private school the child may MAY get spoken to differently

but what about when she leaves school?

what about uni? Will they speak to her in the way she has grown accustomed??

Pumperthepumper · 15/12/2022 21:03

LuckySantangelo35 · 15/12/2022 20:50

Lol that’s bad enough @Pumperthepumper

we all get reprimanded for our mistakes

that’s life

Show quote history

I didn’t say that.

Fredshred · 16/12/2022 00:13

Child cried because a (maybe) persistent (we just don’t know) TA tried to insist they put a coat on. (Maybe cantankerous) parent got cross because they were happy for the child to not put coat on. And this resulted in a formal complaint (that isn’t formal) to the school to the effect that TA looked at one child wrong and another nice. Well, I wasn’t there so I cannot speak for the TA or the mother, but I know my eyes are rolling so far, I may have to catch them in jar. Purleaze…

RobertaFirmino · 16/12/2022 00:35

This reply has been deleted

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Idtotallybangdreamoftheendlessnotgonnalie · 16/12/2022 09:14

LuckySantangelo35 · 15/12/2022 20:56

@BelleandH

in private school the child may MAY get spoken to differently

but what about when she leaves school?

what about uni? Will they speak to her in the way she has grown accustomed??

Show quote history

Tbf university is damn soft these days. Gone are the old stern "do it or fail" lecturers, it's all softly-validate your feels-respect types at my uni.

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