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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I tell her?

197 replies

bothsidesofasmile · 14/12/2022 09:09

I have found out my SIL husband is liking raunchy photos on SM. Not just one or two but ALOT. These range from celebrities/ women with a big following to women on onlyfans to just normal girls with no following.

It's the liking of normal girls photos that is worrying as the majority of these girls are from the area that he grew up in and still visits often to see friends/ family.

I'm worried about telling her as they have two small children and SIL is currently struggling with signs of PND and I obviously do not want to add to this especially as it could be harmless. I am disgusted that he's obviously spending his time trawling SM looking at these pictures and interacting with them in the form of liking pictures particularly his wife is struggling so. However I would like to think this is just harmless and for some reason this gives him the kicks he needs in a time which is in no doubt difficult for him too.

OH says we should just stay out of it as it isn't our marriage and I see his point but SIL is one of my best friends and I think I would want to know.

So AIBU to tell SIL what I've seen? Do I just leave it? Or do I have a secret word with him?

OP posts:
Valid8me · 14/12/2022 09:27

How do you know, are you stalking his social media? Seems a bit odd how you know exactly what he is and isn't liking.

Personally I would agree with your husband and keep out of it.

WandaWonder · 14/12/2022 09:28

Valid8me · 14/12/2022 09:27

How do you know, are you stalking his social media? Seems a bit odd how you know exactly what he is and isn't liking.

Personally I would agree with your husband and keep out of it.

Everything you said

Unicorn717 · 14/12/2022 09:30

I would stay out of it unless you know he is actually cheating with these girls when he goes to visit family.

Also find it a bit weird that you know everything he is liking? Would you have a problem with it if the girls weren't overly 'pretty'?

Original poster
bothsidesofasmile · 14/12/2022 09:31

Valid8me · 14/12/2022 09:27

How do you know, are you stalking his social media? Seems a bit odd how you know exactly what he is and isn't liking.

Personally I would agree with your husband and keep out of it.

I noticed he had liked a photo of a mutual celebrity follow. It was a bikini shot and it seemed very out of character for him . So yes I did some further digging and I was shocked at what I found.

OP posts:
FerryYaBerryLa · 14/12/2022 09:33

If she’s struggling already I would leave it for now.

IamnotSethRogan · 14/12/2022 09:35

If you can see she probably can. I would completely stay out of it.

onefedupmum · 14/12/2022 09:36

Stop stalking people online, that's really creepy and weird behaviour in itself.

Original poster
bothsidesofasmile · 14/12/2022 09:37

Unicorn717 · 14/12/2022 09:30

I would stay out of it unless you know he is actually cheating with these girls when he goes to visit family.

Also find it a bit weird that you know everything he is liking? Would you have a problem with it if the girls weren't overly 'pretty'?

I get that and you're right I have no evidence he is actually cheating.

I stumbled across something that I found out of character and dug deeper as I was concerned. I haven't been stalking him on SM.

I actually don't consider these girls to be pretty! These girls in my opinion are nothing near SIL but I don't really see how that makes any difference about how I see them. In my opinion what he's doing is completely disrespectful to his wife and sleezy

OP posts:
YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 14/12/2022 09:39

Man likes pictures of pretty women.

Same old, same old.

Original poster
bothsidesofasmile · 14/12/2022 09:40

onefedupmum · 14/12/2022 09:36

Stop stalking people online, that's really creepy and weird behaviour in itself.

I haven't stalked anyone! I stumbled across something that made me dig deeper because it was odd behaviour. I'm not checking his SM everyday or anything like that. The digging was a one time occurrence.

OP posts:
ImSoConfusedAboutItAll · 14/12/2022 09:40

I haven't been stalking him on SM.

You literally have!
Nothing to do with you, what do you think telling her will achieve?

Original poster
bothsidesofasmile · 14/12/2022 09:41

IamnotSethRogan · 14/12/2022 09:35

If you can see she probably can. I would completely stay out of it.

I did think this also but I don't think she uses instagram all that much.

OP posts:
Knors · 14/12/2022 09:42

I'm sure she already knows.

panko · 14/12/2022 09:42

If you can see it can she see it?

Original poster
bothsidesofasmile · 14/12/2022 09:42

YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 14/12/2022 09:39

Man likes pictures of pretty women.

Same old, same old.

I would agree with you on the celebrities: people he has very little chance of meeting in real life. It's the girls from the area he has real life connections to that bothered me in all honesty.

OP posts:
Unicorn717 · 14/12/2022 09:45

Sorry I did just assume that the photos he was liking were of 'prettier girls" and that was your problem. I like pictures of blokes i know on SM when they post a selfie and write they've got a new job for example and never thought it was a problem. Should I not do this?

pinkpotatoez · 14/12/2022 09:45

If you were to tell SIL you would have to explain how you know her husband has been doing this, she may well not find liking social media photos as wrong. Therefore you'd look like the creep who has stalked her husband.

NoodleNuts · 14/12/2022 09:45

Well you clearly have been stalking him on social media otherwise you wouldn't know what or whose photos he had 'liked'. Somebody does something that you consider out of character so you feel the need to dig deeper? You've been on various SM sites checking what he has been doing? That behaviour would concern me more than his would!

I think you should keep your beak out - it is nothing to do with you.

Original poster
bothsidesofasmile · 14/12/2022 09:46

ImSoConfusedAboutItAll · 14/12/2022 09:40

I haven't been stalking him on SM.

You literally have!
Nothing to do with you, what do you think telling her will achieve?

I stumbled across something and dig deeper ONCE. I'm not exactly obsessed with him 🙄
I don't really see how it matters. If I didn't find it he would still be doing it wouldn't he. I'm in the wrong for finding it, not him for doing it?

I'm not sure tbh I guess I'm thinking maybe they'll be able to talk it through and it will stop anything progressing that might progress. I'm not sure.

OP posts:
Original poster
bothsidesofasmile · 14/12/2022 09:48

panko · 14/12/2022 09:42

If you can see it can she see it?

With instagram you can see who is liked a photo however it would only show if you were on that profile or followed that person too. Although she would be able to see who he follows on his follow list so perhaps she isn't bothered.

OP posts:
panko · 14/12/2022 09:49

bothsidesofasmile · 14/12/2022 09:48

With instagram you can see who is liked a photo however it would only show if you were on that profile or followed that person too. Although she would be able to see who he follows on his follow list so perhaps she isn't bothered.

Show quote history

Ah I see. I guess she's also quite busy at the moment

Original poster
bothsidesofasmile · 14/12/2022 09:50

Unicorn717 · 14/12/2022 09:45

Sorry I did just assume that the photos he was liking were of 'prettier girls" and that was your problem. I like pictures of blokes i know on SM when they post a selfie and write they've got a new job for example and never thought it was a problem. Should I not do this?

These are photos of lots of different girls in bikinis and low cut tops etc. From what I saw he only like photos where cleavage was on show.

So I guess it would be the equivalent of you only liking photos of these guys if they were top less or in their pants

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 14/12/2022 09:51

I actually don't consider these girls to be pretty!

How judgmental.

Original poster
bothsidesofasmile · 14/12/2022 09:52

pinkpotatoez · 14/12/2022 09:45

If you were to tell SIL you would have to explain how you know her husband has been doing this, she may well not find liking social media photos as wrong. Therefore you'd look like the creep who has stalked her husband.

I would simply explain what I have on here and that I was concerned

OP posts:
Original poster
bothsidesofasmile · 14/12/2022 09:54

NoodleNuts · 14/12/2022 09:45

Well you clearly have been stalking him on social media otherwise you wouldn't know what or whose photos he had 'liked'. Somebody does something that you consider out of character so you feel the need to dig deeper? You've been on various SM sites checking what he has been doing? That behaviour would concern me more than his would!

I think you should keep your beak out - it is nothing to do with you.

Just instagram one time! Not stalking as stalking implies I am following him about for a prolonged period. And what I've found had concerned me, I'm not looking any further and haven't looked any further than that one time. My question is should I tell SIL of my concerns and what I found. Not should I have looked 🙄

OP posts:
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