Should I tell her?

[bothsidesofasmile]

I have found out my SIL husband is liking raunchy photos on SM. Not just one or two but ALOT. These range from celebrities/ women with a big following to women on onlyfans to just normal girls with no following.

It's the liking of normal girls photos that is worrying as the majority of these girls are from the area that he grew up in and still visits often to see friends/ family.

I'm worried about telling her as they have two small children and SIL is currently struggling with signs of PND and I obviously do not want to add to this especially as it could be harmless. I am disgusted that he's obviously spending his time trawling SM looking at these pictures and interacting with them in the form of liking pictures particularly his wife is struggling so. However I would like to think this is just harmless and for some reason this gives him the kicks he needs in a time which is in no doubt difficult for him too.

OH says we should just stay out of it as it isn't our marriage and I see his point but SIL is one of my best friends and I think I would want to know.

So AIBU to tell SIL what I've seen? Do I just leave it? Or do I have a secret word with him?

That's true

This is his main profile

He is not hiding anything

Oh my, I’d be very worried about you. Digging into his social media, being all worried about what he was looking at and liking. Are you 0k? This is really unhealthy behaviour, obsessional and intrusive. Have you history of this or is it the first person you’ve done this to?

and for me I couldn’t give a shit if my husband liked raunchy images on social media, I do it myself . Anyone see Jason mamoa fishing in a thong..Swoon! I would think you were over stepping and a worry though,

I think leave them alone, stop stalking this man on line and try to understand why you are behaving in this unhealthy manner

@Goodgrief82 you are obsessed! Get a life and go away

No, do not tell her. She is already struggling and then you want to add this to the mix? I wouldn't say that's very nice at all and she would be extremely embarrassed.

At the start of my relationship my partner used to like some girls photos (we chatted and it stopped) but if someone had outright said it to me I would have felt mortified.

Maybe when you see the husband drop it in to conversation and make him feel embarrassment from it?

The wife probably already knows but I feel you would get backlash if you brought it up.

He's a total dimwit for leaving his mark like that rather than just looking.

But I agree with PPs. It's public information, it doesn't require your input, and if she's got PND it could tip her over the edge. Leave it.

See I can understand the celebrity's/ influencer's as sexual gratification/ fantasies. It's the normal girls that worried me. But I won't be saying anything I think people are right when they say it could cause a lot of trouble over potentially nothing

To be fair, there may well have been normal girls among them, I didn't look very closely! I just backed very quietly away... and haven't been back!

Oh the irony 😂

still curious how you found out that most of the likes are to local girls or girls where he visits family.

So you have actually dug in to these girls backgrounds???

😂😂 I'm not stalking him. I looked once and am just asking if I should tell sil what I found. I've decided I won't. Get a grip!

It's lovely that you like piercing over celebrities, go you! Would you be happy if your husband like 17 photos from the woman next door with her full cleavage on show?

Oh damn you have totally gone digging!

Leave out of it. Your SIL may be aware. Liking a celebrity isn't a bad thing. I'd like photos of Channing Tatum if they came up, my partner would like of Jessica Alba

It's the last thing I want to do and I completely get your point! My fear here is that if I don't someone else might. And my thought originally was maybe if I tell her they can talk it through and it would stop but I'm just going to leave it, I don't want to upset her

Op is there a back story, I am actually a little agog that you wrote he was looking at girls in low cut tops and in your head this means he’s fantasising and using them for sexual gratification. I mean low cut tops, Really?

if he wants gratification he can find porn for free very easily, girls in low cut tops is hardly some Pervy thing blokes get off to.

are you elderly or religious?

My thoughts exactly. Yeah I know I'm not going to. I don't want to upset her at all. I'm just annoyed that he's doing this so public because someone else that she knows could very easily see this

Since when liking pictures of sexy women in social media became an offence? is he cheating on your SIL? treating her poorly? She's already struggling with too kids why throw in things at her that are a) none of your business and b) not important. You come out as a window twitcher OP, besides... she may already know. "hubby liking sexy ladies on SM" might be far far bottom in her scale of problems.

I don't really see how it matters. If I didn't find it he would still be doing it wouldn't he. I'm in the wrong for finding it, not him for doing it?

By this are you meaning he's now stopped?
If so no need to say anything to your SIL..
If he hasn't stopped still I wouldn't say anything.

Stalking is a bit of a over kill, unless someone is looking at a person's profile/info/hanging around them 24/7 I call it just having a nosey.

See what? There is nothing to see. No one else will tell her as there is nothing to tell.

Regardless of his behaviour, it would harm her more if you spoke out

It's not the celebrities that bothered me

You literally said he liked a celeb in a bikini and you were shocked so stalked him.

My fear here is that if I don't someone else might.

Nobody else is going to find all those pictures. That's a lot of effort to look for.

I think it's pretty yuck.

I'd probably take the piss out of him. When you ask him how he is and he says "the kids are keeping us busy" I'd say "Still got time to like all those Kardashian photos though" and when he replies "oh yeah haha" I'd say "Bit weird to be perving all over Sue and Tom's daughter though, you know she's half your age, plus all the other girls in the village, I don't think they put those photo's up for you"

Or something similar.

@Thefriendlyone that was the thing that made me dig deeper because it was out of character for him.

Then I discovered the girls from his local area. The only pictures he likes are one of them where cleavage is on show.

I think I'll just leave it unless sil comes to me with worries

@bothsidesofasmile if you’re actually serious you are hilarious. Devote the same amount of time and energy to going through your partner’s social media, compile your dossier and consider whether all his likes are in character for him. Part of me would say yeah go for it and tell the SIL but that’s only because you’d expose yourself as an absolute lunatic.

Yeah I dunno how that would go down. I really don't want to cause any upset but obviously I care about these people.