Should I tell her?

[bothsidesofasmile]

I have found out my SIL husband is liking raunchy photos on SM. Not just one or two but ALOT. These range from celebrities/ women with a big following to women on onlyfans to just normal girls with no following.

It's the liking of normal girls photos that is worrying as the majority of these girls are from the area that he grew up in and still visits often to see friends/ family.

I'm worried about telling her as they have two small children and SIL is currently struggling with signs of PND and I obviously do not want to add to this especially as it could be harmless. I am disgusted that he's obviously spending his time trawling SM looking at these pictures and interacting with them in the form of liking pictures particularly his wife is struggling so. However I would like to think this is just harmless and for some reason this gives him the kicks he needs in a time which is in no doubt difficult for him too.

OH says we should just stay out of it as it isn't our marriage and I see his point but SIL is one of my best friends and I think I would want to know.

So AIBU to tell SIL what I've seen? Do I just leave it? Or do I have a secret word with him?

@Goodgrief82 it's a good point.

No I do or I did! That's why I dug deeper because this is so out of character for him!

Is you SIL the family member you started a thread about? The one you have a very toxic relationship with and feel like after every time you’ve engaged with her you feel like you’ve been “bitten by a snake”?

So yes I did some further digging and I was shocked at what I found.

Get Netflix. It’s only £6.99 a month.

No! But look at you doing some digging of your own 🤔

🙄🙄

ah another family member that you have an issue with.

fact that you want to stir up trouble for someone doing something entirely reasonable and not at all hidden speaks volumes to me

Why are you trying to tear me apart when I've agreed with you? That speaks volumes about you!

I've come here for advice not to be ripped apart get a life

Entirely reasonable to go liking lots of random girls photos to get your kicks when you have a partner at home who is struggling. Yep congrats reasonable. God your standards are high 🙄

How am I tearing you up enquiring whether this SIL was the subject of your other thread and pointing out that someone who even asks whether it would be reasonable to bring your BIL’s entirely reasonable and public likes to his wife’s attention really does indicate someone who is partial to drama

Is your SIL not on social media and follows her husband?

Slamming me for stalking him and then going through my past posts to try and build a picture of my life in your head and use it against me? I was just asking for advice, you gave your opinion and I agreed with you.

I don’t get why you’d approach sil about this. Call out bil so he knows it’s been noticed and then leave it. Unless you love the soap opera drama.

One thread that you recently started that I was on? 😐

I absolutely don't! Otherwise I would have just done it wouldn't I?

@Goodgrief82 recently! It was three weeks ago, you must have one hell of a memory!! I'm not into in your opinion any longer, leave the thread and get a life

Personally I wouldn’t tell SIL if she’s already having a hard time. No point upsetting her about what is essentially a non issue. People like each other’s posts on SM all the time. Doesn’t make him a cheat.

yep

I would talk to him. Point out that you've noticed that he's doing this and do other people might notice and it makes him look a bit sleazy. If he's normally ok (and you said you thought this was out of character so I assume he is) he'll probably be embarrassed and stop. Don't tell your sil. It makes it her problem then which isn't fair

I you have seen it, why would think that she has not ?Maybe she has no problem with it. Liking something on social media is a pretty meaningless statement If someone I know post something that is not grossly offensive, then out of" social media etiquette " I like it. It means nothing.
I don't understand adults getting all hot and bothered by social media. In day to day real life, I can't see that it means very much.

Nothing good will come of your mentioning this. Your husband is correct. It is not your business.

Have a word to him if you must. Don't say anything to her that will only upset her and cause issues in her relationship (she may already know, and not care)

I agree he’s being a creep OP. My question is, is this your brother, or your husband’s brother?

If the creep is your brother, then message him and say something like “Hey what’s with all the recent liking women’s sexy photos on insta, seems kinda disrespectful to your wife, you guys ok?”

If your husband’s brother then it’s much more awkward to message the creep directly. I’d ask DH to have a word and if DH won’t then he won’t.

As SIL has pnd / is struggling I wouldn’t say anything to her. It’s her husband qho needs to change, she needs support not extra problems it sounds like.

You're right. It's not cheating but is it not the modern day version or flirting if it's lots of photos that are very revealing on the same profile. Not talking celebrities but just average people? Is it not disrespectful to his wife?

How on earth would she ever know that you knew what he liked on social media and why would she care?

It is meaningless if there's no rhyme or reason to it or if it is social etiquette as you say. These aren't holiday pics or pictures of coffee cups. It's very obvious the reason he is liking these photos

Maybe I’m more relaxed than some about these things but I personally don’t see a problem with a bit of harmless banter or flirting from someone in a relationship, assuming it is just that and nothing more 🤷🏻‍♀️