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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I tell her?

197 replies

bothsidesofasmile · 14/12/2022 09:09

I have found out my SIL husband is liking raunchy photos on SM. Not just one or two but ALOT. These range from celebrities/ women with a big following to women on onlyfans to just normal girls with no following.

It's the liking of normal girls photos that is worrying as the majority of these girls are from the area that he grew up in and still visits often to see friends/ family.

I'm worried about telling her as they have two small children and SIL is currently struggling with signs of PND and I obviously do not want to add to this especially as it could be harmless. I am disgusted that he's obviously spending his time trawling SM looking at these pictures and interacting with them in the form of liking pictures particularly his wife is struggling so. However I would like to think this is just harmless and for some reason this gives him the kicks he needs in a time which is in no doubt difficult for him too.

OH says we should just stay out of it as it isn't our marriage and I see his point but SIL is one of my best friends and I think I would want to know.

So AIBU to tell SIL what I've seen? Do I just leave it? Or do I have a secret word with him?

OP posts:
Original poster
bothsidesofasmile · 14/12/2022 13:30

@xyhere fair enough!

OP posts:
Sandra1984 · 14/12/2022 13:31

bothsidesofasmile · 14/12/2022 13:21

@Sandra1984 I haven't got into anything because I HAVENT SAID ANYTHING!!

And what do you know what I know about them? You're a stranger online commenting as if you know everything! Maybe you should look at why you do that you absolute troll!!!

You opened a thread on a public forum asking for strangers opinions on something you wanted to tell a woman with post natal depression after stalking her husband online and you got answers. Calling me a troll because I disagree with you is pretty lame OP.

Original poster
bothsidesofasmile · 14/12/2022 13:31

Bananagirl23 · 14/12/2022 13:29

That’s good you’ve decided not to raise the issue - it doesn’t sound like anything good will come from throwing more issues into the mix if they are already struggling

No it wouldn't!

OP posts:
Original poster
bothsidesofasmile · 14/12/2022 13:33

@Sandra1984 there's a difference between giving an opinion and going on and on at a person once you've given your opinion and trying to tell them who they are and what they're about, that's not giving an opinion. You're trying to rip me apart for your own satisfaction it seems, that's a troll!

OP posts:
Thefriendlyone · 14/12/2022 13:34

I’m also glad you’re not raising it. But honestly it’s horrific thw way you’re talking about their private relationship like this, getting into sex. In front of millions and millions of people.

id be furious and Really disturbed if I was a member of your family

girlmom21 · 14/12/2022 13:37

bothsidesofasmile · 14/12/2022 12:37

@girlmom21 if his behaviour is not ok why is how I found such an issue? Surely the issue is that he's doing these things. All I've done is snooped once and posted a Mumsnet thread about it. I've decided I will leave it at that. What is unreasonable about my behaviour?

It takes a hell of a lot of snooping on Instagram these days to find what someone's liking.

Original poster
bothsidesofasmile · 14/12/2022 13:39

Thefriendlyone · 14/12/2022 13:34

I’m also glad you’re not raising it. But honestly it’s horrific thw way you’re talking about their private relationship like this, getting into sex. In front of millions and millions of people.

id be furious and Really disturbed if I was a member of your family

I haven't got in to their sex life at all I was using a scenario to make a point.

And the very fact you're on Mumsnet means you are reading anonymously everyday about people's lives don't go calling the morality card now! I asked for advice and I got it and I've made a decision any comments after that are unnecessary!

OP posts:
Original poster
bothsidesofasmile · 14/12/2022 13:40

@girlmom21 does it?

OP posts:
Thefriendlyone · 14/12/2022 13:41

bothsidesofasmile · 14/12/2022 13:39

I haven't got in to their sex life at all I was using a scenario to make a point.

And the very fact you're on Mumsnet means you are reading anonymously everyday about people's lives don't go calling the morality card now! I asked for advice and I got it and I've made a decision any comments after that are unnecessary!

Show quote history

But I’m not posting about the personal relationship of my family including made up sexual scenarios and talking about mental health and their relationship

I know you are pissed and angry you’ve been called out on it. But it’s not right op , it’s really not.

Original poster
bothsidesofasmile · 14/12/2022 13:44

@Thefriendlyone
Oh do shut up! So I've asked for advice you've given it and are now telling me I'm wrong for asking for advice on this because ive given context to what was asked? I've not discussed any sexual details of there life at all! You're really scraping the barrel to try and make this work aren't you

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 14/12/2022 14:24

bothsidesofasmile · 14/12/2022 13:40

@girlmom21 does it?

You should know

Original poster
bothsidesofasmile · 14/12/2022 14:26

@girlmom21 actually you sound like expert

OP posts:
Goodgrief82 · 14/12/2022 14:34

This is entirely unintentionally one of the funniest OPs I can remember in recent times on Mumsnet. 😂

Original poster
bothsidesofasmile · 14/12/2022 14:35

Goodgrief82 · 14/12/2022 14:34

This is entirely unintentionally one of the funniest OPs I can remember in recent times on Mumsnet. 😂

You obviously have a dull life then

OP posts:
Goodgrief82 · 14/12/2022 14:44

bothsidesofasmile · 14/12/2022 14:35

You obviously have a dull life then

Show quote history

Again, the irony.

the gift that keeps on giving! 😂

Original poster
bothsidesofasmile · 14/12/2022 14:51

@Goodgrief82 honestly you are unwell. I have ignored so many of your comments now and you just keep going.

You say the irony and laugh as if I'm the sad one. There's no irony! I'm not obsessing with BIL, I'm concerned about how this will affect my SIL someone I love and care for. You however have obsessively commented really horrible things on a strangers post on a forum for no reason other than to get some kind of kick out of it I imagine?! You have been ignored several times and told to go away and stop commenting and you're continuing as if this is some childish game. Just stop!

OP posts:
thewayround · 14/12/2022 15:08

Goodgrief82 · 14/12/2022 14:34

This is entirely unintentionally one of the funniest OPs I can remember in recent times on Mumsnet. 😂

This. With bells.

Although funny but with an undercurrent of a disturbing psychological drama about it all!

Cactusprick · 14/12/2022 15:55

bothsidesofasmile · 14/12/2022 11:42

If you mutually follow some it will come if under that persons photo without having to look. So I looked at a photo of someone we both follow and by the caption it says BIL liked this photo!

I thought hmm that's a bit odd, not like BIL to be liking pics of celebrities.

It played on my mind as I had a very emotional phone call with SIL that day about how much she was struggling. I was worried about her and I guess when I saw this I felt protective. I love her immensely and want the best for her.

So I snooped at his follow list. I clicked on the first girl I saw and looked at her photos. Again I saw he'd liked all the ones with cleavage on show.

I clicked on another girl on his follow list same thing.

I went through lots but only on this one occasion.

On some of these girls profiles it state where they are from in their bio.

I stopped looking as it became upsetting.

This is 100s of normal girls photos! That he's liking everyday!

Maybe I shouldn't of looked but I feel protective of SIL especially at the moment

As I've said I won't be saying anything because I think it will cause hurt for not much BUT I don't think I'm deranged and obsessed for snooping one time and being shocked by what I saw. I know these people very well or so I thought and it's shocked me to my core that he's carrying on like this. It's not just the odd bikini photo. It's disrespectful and yes maybe others won't go snooping but we're all from the same area so it's very possible that another friend of SIL could be friends with one of these girls that he's daily liking photos of and then see exactly what I have. And it would be incredibly embarrassing for SIL. I'm just trying to protect her!

Show quote history

Ahhhh gotcha. So he follows them as well. Dirty bugger. I do find it weird that he would do that and then people like you would be able to see! It would make me see my SIL’s husband in a different light and I wouldn’t like it either. Probs wouldn’t say anything though as I expect it’ll just make her feel awkward and you’ll have rocked the boat for nothing as he’s not technically cheated or anything xx

Original poster
bothsidesofasmile · 14/12/2022 16:07

@Cactusprick yeah follows them all as well so it's all there for anyone to see.

Yeah it's not worth it, I really don't want to upset her and as you say he hasn't cheated. Just disappointing and as you say I do see him in a different light now which is a shame 😞

OP posts:
BabyOnBoard90 · 14/12/2022 16:11

YABVU.

Liking pictures is not cheating. Better to mind your own business imo.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 14/12/2022 17:58

fruitbrewhaha · 14/12/2022 11:16

I think it's pretty yuck.

I'd probably take the piss out of him. When you ask him how he is and he says "the kids are keeping us busy" I'd say "Still got time to like all those Kardashian photos though" and when he replies "oh yeah haha" I'd say "Bit weird to be perving all over Sue and Tom's daughter though, you know she's half your age, plus all the other girls in the village, I don't think they put those photo's up for you"

Or something similar.

Do you really think the reply would be anything other than “Why the fuck are you stalking me on Instagram?”?

girlmom21 · 14/12/2022 18:19

bothsidesofasmile · 14/12/2022 14:26

@girlmom21 actually you sound like expert

Are you ok?

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