Should I tell her?

[bothsidesofasmile]

I have found out my SIL husband is liking raunchy photos on SM. Not just one or two but ALOT. These range from celebrities/ women with a big following to women on onlyfans to just normal girls with no following.

It's the liking of normal girls photos that is worrying as the majority of these girls are from the area that he grew up in and still visits often to see friends/ family.

I'm worried about telling her as they have two small children and SIL is currently struggling with signs of PND and I obviously do not want to add to this especially as it could be harmless. I am disgusted that he's obviously spending his time trawling SM looking at these pictures and interacting with them in the form of liking pictures particularly his wife is struggling so. However I would like to think this is just harmless and for some reason this gives him the kicks he needs in a time which is in no doubt difficult for him too.

OH says we should just stay out of it as it isn't our marriage and I see his point but SIL is one of my best friends and I think I would want to know.

So AIBU to tell SIL what I've seen? Do I just leave it? Or do I have a secret word with him?

I think I will leave it as I don't want to hurt SIL and it is harmless in the grand scheme of things. Although I still think it's disrespectful and sleezy and he has gone down in my estimations but she may well know and she may not see it as an issue so unless she says anything I won't bring it up and I doubt very much me saying anything will change what he's doing I think he will just do it more secretly

I wouldn’t be happy with my husband liking lewds all day on instagram (especially the local girls rather than celebs).

HOWEVER in these low level ‘cheating’ situations I wouldn’t suggest getting involved. You’ll just look like a trouble maker and the messenger usually gets shot.

Also for the ‘op is a stalker’ crowd. If there’s one thing social media loves to do (other than track you) is showing you what your friends are up to.

It's very obvious the reason he is liking these photos

that he thinks they’re sexy / attractive.
That is not cheating.

many will think the same but not like.

he likes because he doesn’t mind who sees it, including his wife.

Yes I think you're right!

I actually don't consider these girls to be pretty! These girls in my opinion are nothing near SIL but I don't really see how that makes any difference about how I see them. In my opinion what he's doing is completely disrespectful to his wife and sleezy

So it would be OK if he was liking pictures of supermodels but not of random girls next door?

You sound hopelessly over-invested in this tbh and like you are spending far too much time stalking him online.

Unless you have specific information to suggest he's having an affair or trying to contact these women I'd butt out. You have no idea what's going on and if she is struggling with PND speculation of this sort will be profoundly unhelpful.

You have too much time on your hands and need to get a life. It’s absolutely none of your business. Stop trying to cause trouble. Have you conducted your own deep dive on your partner’s social media?

Although I still think it's disrespectful and sleezy

chances are your DH looks at porn on occasion

No but it is different isn't it. To have a fantasy about a celebrity that won't have any interest in you or know you even exist. To a person who's down the road who you COULD have day to day meetings with

🙄🙄

The fact he’s liking these pictures on a platform where he knows people he and his wife are related to or are friends with follow him on it to me says it isn’t likely a big deal in his relationship.

No one ever really knows the ins and outs of a relationship. I would keep out of it. It will only stir up drama otherwise and for potentially no reason.

Is that a yes or a no?

That's true!

I’m going to go with a resounding ‘no’ re partner’s social media. Start there with your investigations maybe

No! I wouldn't need to. Why is there always people on Mumsnet who can't just answer the original question and move on. They have to pick the OP apart and build a picture in their heads of the OP and their intentions and life set up.

You need to get a life!!

My partner's social media wouldn't tell me if I need to speak to SIL about this which is what my question was. Move on and go and argue with your fridge instead if you must!

You sound like a shit stirrer he's liking celebrity photos get a grip. Completely batshit thread.

That's called stalking....

It's the liking of normal girls photos that is worrying as the majority of these girls are from the area that he grew up in and still visits often to see friends/ family.

so you haven’t just stalked your BIL

youve actually looked in to the backgrounds of the people he’s liking??? Fu@k me!

OP why are you only engaging with people who agree you should tell her (because they love drama) or people you can argue with?

A few people have given sensible reasons to not tell her and you have completely ignored them.

To me, that says everything about your intentions.

Read the OP not the celebrity ones that I'm worried about

Someone likes a photo mutilple people I don't think its anything to worry about. Totally nothing in it.

That's not true at all. I've replied to several people and said their comments are true etc

This happened to me. Instagram suggested I connect with 'one of my contacts' and it was clearly a burner account for BIL, following about 3,000 bikini-clad influencers and models. I guess he thought he could set up an 'anonymous' account under a different name & no one would know or notice.

Very awkward but I certainly didn't say anything.

See I can understand the celebrity's/ influencer's as sexual gratification/ fantasies. It's the normal girls that worried me. But I won't be saying anything I think people are right when they say it could cause a lot of trouble over potentially nothing