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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be utterly raging?

188 replies

InvisibleDisability · 12/12/2022 19:42

We’re currently living with my in laws while we have house renovations done. We’ve been here 3 and a half months so far and likely another 1-2 months to go.

it’s safe to say in my MIL’s eyes I’ve never really been good enough for her little Prince (my husband). She expects wives to wait hand and foot on their husbands especially if they’re “housewives”.

my children are 5 and almost 1. As anyone knows, getting out the house for school run for example is difficult no matter how neatly you’ve laid everything out the night before.

so imagine my feelings at being bollocked at this morning by MIL at the fact that I’m “too disorganised” (her words), that I shouldn’t ever ask husband for help because “he works and it’s your job as a housewife to sort the kids and the house” , that I need to learn to “pace myself better” (but bear in mind if I dare to lie down for a rest, it’s frowned upon that I’m not doing chores, but if I am trying to keep up with chores I’m told I should be pacing myself). Oh and the icing on the cake: I’m “really hard to live with like this”

now please note I work my absolute arse off trying to keep up with the standards of tidying, cleaning, laundry, ironing etc. (but of course she said “there’s no tidying to do” 🙄) after doing the morning school run I get errands done out of the house etc, basically anything to avoid getting in their way (they spend the first 2-3hrs each day reading the papers and don’t like to be disturbed) and then return late morning to feed baby lunch then it’s his nap time while I get jobs done then by the time he wakes it’s time to head off to collect daughter from school.

and on top of all this, I have various chronic physical illnesses which leave me exhausted obviously but oh that’s not an excuse! And “you shouldn’t let those things define you!”

im really hurt, I have been crying on and off all day. Pls tell me if I’m being unreasonable for reacting like this.

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 12/12/2022 19:44

She sounds awful, but I can't believe you are living in someone else's house for over five months, while being a sahm with young dc! My guess is that she would like you to move out. Three months is a long time for tensions to build up.

jugglerofballs · 12/12/2022 19:45

YADNBU 💐

Nevermind31 · 12/12/2022 19:46

Move out. Only way.

Afterfire · 12/12/2022 19:47

Stompythedinosaur · 12/12/2022 19:44

She sounds awful, but I can't believe you are living in someone else's house for over five months, while being a sahm with young dc! My guess is that she would like you to move out. Three months is a long time for tensions to build up.

Yep this.

It’s too long. Is there anywhere else you can stay or rent somewhere? We moved everything into our living room when we had our extension built and it was like a bomb site but I would never, ever live with in laws.

SnoozyLucy7 · 12/12/2022 19:47

What an utter bitch! She’s knows she can talk down to you so badly because it’s her house. You need to move out or husband needs to intervene in a big way and tell her to back off!. She’s treating you like shit. It’s unacceptable!

walkinthewoodstoday · 12/12/2022 19:48

What does she do you help you?

Kanaloa · 12/12/2022 19:48

I think it wasn’t a great idea to move in with someone who already seems really hard work. Obviously it’s done now, but yeah… can you by any chance stay anywhere else until the work is done?

ChefsSalad · 12/12/2022 19:49

walkinthewoodstoday · 12/12/2022 19:48

What does she do you help you?

Houses them.

StickyCricket · 12/12/2022 19:49

In the nicest possible way I think you’ve outstayed your welcome.

I know you can’t time travel - but you really should have rented somewhere to stay while your renovations were being done, knowing it was going to take 5-6 months.

2 months to go? That’s a lot of biting your tongue ams grottong your teeth, which is all you can do.

I’d be round at the property every day cracking whip to get your house done asap.

Burgoo · 12/12/2022 19:49

Not being unreasonable though you can only accept it is what it is.

InvisibleDisability · 12/12/2022 19:50

For those saying we’ve outstayed our welcome, it was all due to be completed by Christmas. Obviously that hasn’t happened 🤦‍♀️

We did look at rents but on average for a 2 bed place it’s £3k+ a month round here 😳

OP posts:
InvisibleDisability · 12/12/2022 19:51

walkinthewoodstoday · 12/12/2022 19:48

What does she do you help you?

She and FIL do look after the baby for things like me going to therapy once a week (long term psychotherapy) and I do teach for one hour a week (some peripatetic stuff) so they look after the baby then

OP posts:
Theydoyaknow · 12/12/2022 19:52

You are there a VERY long time. Her head must be melted..

WhatLikeItsHard · 12/12/2022 19:52

Is your husband going to have a word with her about how she's spoken to you? If not, you've got a DH problem and a MIL one.

I love my MIL, but I'd rather live in a house with no roof than move in with her...okay maybe I would atm because it's freezing.

PAFMO · 12/12/2022 19:52

ChefsSalad · 12/12/2022 19:49

Houses them.

Quite.

I imagine it's quite stressful for someone to suddenly have 4 people, two of whom are small and noisy moving in with them. Even if they are your son and his family.

MillyMollyManky · 12/12/2022 19:52

Well, she doesn’t sound very nice but I think the problem is the fact you’ve moved in with them for 5 months as a SAHM. You’d all have to be saints not to get on each other’s nerves.

Can you stay somewhere else? Are you paying them rent?

dolor · 12/12/2022 19:52

Your fella needs to get her told. If he won't then he's being useless. You don't deserve this.

poefaced · 12/12/2022 19:54

If her son and grandkids haven’t outstayed their welcome, then neither should her daughter in law.

Treating her daughter in law as a handmaiden for her son is sexist and mean.

Op, remember her behaviour when you get your own place and she moans that YOU never bring her DGC to her.

Kanaloa · 12/12/2022 19:54

dolor · 12/12/2022 19:52

Your fella needs to get her told. If he won't then he's being useless. You don't deserve this.

I mean if her fella ‘gets her told’ she might ‘get them told’ that rent free accommodation and regular free babysitting is no longer suitable for her.

BrambleyHedge · 12/12/2022 19:55

Do you have a working bathroom in your existing house? If so can you camp out at home? We (5 of us) lived out of one room downstairs (as well as our bedrooms) while our extension was built and made a kitchen with air fryer, microwave, one ring hob. It was very hard but not as hard as staying with family.

PAFMO · 12/12/2022 19:55

It sounds like she's at the end of her tether tbh.
Which most people would be.
Her side of the story would be interesting to hear.

Sartre · 12/12/2022 19:56

Does your DH ever challenge her at all? She sounds awful but if he isn’t standing up to her then he’s your issue, not her. It’s his Mum and he should be telling her she’s being completely out of order.

Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon · 12/12/2022 19:57

Repeat parrot fashion her words when dh is around if she is doing it on the sly. Tell him if he doesn't back you up the chances of her visiting the new house are slim as your relationship with her will be nil.. When we told mil I was pregnant she hissed at me accidents happen and how his ex wanted his babies! When she left I told dh to phone her and tell her actually ds was planned.
The ex thing I told her well it was a shame dh never loved her it was a FWB thing!!

NerrSnerr · 12/12/2022 19:59

The 3k rent isn't their problem. It's clearly stressful for them to have you all stay and you're now staying 2 months longer. You and your husband are grown adults and need to sort your own housing.

arethereanyleftatall · 12/12/2022 20:00

Well - it sounds awful - but they've saved you £30k!!

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